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NUhura

Guilt

3 posts in this topic

Hi,

My mum died about 6 months ago quite suddenly and I feel like it's my fault. My mum had mental health issues and would drink when it got very bad, and one night I came home and she was drunk and having issues. She went to bed to sleep it off and I went downstairs to watch television. Usually my mum would get u a couple times throughout sleeping to go to the bathroom and I'd hear her walking the landing, but that didn't happen this time. I realise a few hours after she went to bed she was being quiet and I thought that was strange (and I can't remember if I thought "what if something is wrong") but I didn't do anything, didn't go check, just went back to doing whatever I was doing downstairs. Later my dad came home (he had been home earlier and helped my mum to bed) and had something to eat and then went to check on my mum because he thought she was being quiet (not walking on the landing etc) too and when he went to check she had passed away in her sleep.

I feel bad. I feel awful. I feel like it is my fault for not checking on her, especially if I did have the thought "what if something is wrong" though I can't remember if I did think that. What if I had checked and she had still been alive and I could have helped her? I literally thought it was weird she was quiet but didn't do anything. I don't know what to do now. I'll never know so I'll never be okay with it I guess. What do I do?

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NUhura,

I am very sorry about the loss of your mom. You can't blame yourself for her passing. We can dwell forever on the "what ifs," but it's not going to change anything. You did nothing wrong. Please stop beating yourself up. One thing you can do to move forward is to keep talking about how you feel. Talking helps the healing. 

We will be here with you,

ModKonnie

 

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Dear Nuhura,

My deepest condolences and sympathies. I'm very sorry for your loss. I know the pain and sorrow is deep and you would give anything to bring your beloved mum back. I know its pure torture to think about what we could have done.

Please don't do this to yourself. How could you have known?

Its been almost 10 months since my dad passed and I still struggle with the what ifs. Tonight I am doing that to myself again.

Your mom knew you loved her. And you would have done anything to help her. The hardest part is we can't go back. We have to try and do our best to focus on the present. Its a lot harder said than done.

If you want to, consider talking to therapist or grief counsellor about your feelings. They can help you with some mental exercises that might help you.

Thinking of you my friend. Sending all my thoughts and prayers.

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