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almost nine months now


Sadaf Nazim

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Sadaf Nazim

hi everyone 

It's been a while since I last posted here. I come here often but only to read the posts of such lovely people here. You all give me hope to carry on with my life. I thought I should tell you all what I have been to these days. 

For those who don't know me. My name is Sadaf. I am 23. I lost my childhood bestfriend and my fiance to an accident on 13th November. He was 24. We knew each other for past 15 years since we were family friends. We dated each other for last 7 years and we were just about to getting married soon. You could imagine how devastating a loss it has been for me. He was everything to me. My whole world. 

A couple of months ago my grandfather and my elder sister passed away. Both in the same week. I cried a lot. But it seemed I was crying more for my Nazim than for them. Although I love them a lot but anyone leaving this world reminds me of nazim. But this has become more of a routine for me now. To do all the daily work, cry, miss him, go on with life. It's become a part of me now. How strange it is that the person we think we can never live without, we learn to live without them. 

It's my love's birthday this week. I wonder how he would have been at 25. I pray that wherever he is, he is happy. I pray that we are united soon. I pray for all of us. That it becomes easy to deal with this unimaginable loss. 

 

 

 

 

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Hi there,

I remember you and I'm so sorry to hear about the loss of your grandfather and elder sister - both in the same week - you must be devastated.  You are still grieving Nazim so quite naturally, losing family would remind you of him.  Whenever you find yourself doubting how far you can go, just remember how far you have come.  Remember everything you have faced, all the sufferings and pain you have gone and gotten through and all the fears you have overcome.  You see, I know Nazim's spirit is not gone, it has never left you, it is right by your side helping you get through this.  Just because you can't see him does not mean he's not there; he cannot speak to you, but he can listen;  we breathe air we cannot see, but we know its there.   So when you think on Nazim or perhaps look at a flower and admire its simplicity, remember your Nazim; remember him in your heart; in your thoughts and memories; remember the times you loved, cried, fought and laughed.  If you always think of him, he is never gone (now is he) but deep inside your heart.  

5 hours ago, Sadaf Nazim said:

It's my love's birthday this week. I wonder how he would have been at 25. I pray that wherever he is, he is happy. I pray that we are united soon.

Nazim is spirit and he's happy in the spirit world; the spirit world isn't some far off place, it's all around us, just on a different frequency.  Know that his spirit is celebrating among the angels and is at peace.  I hope that gives you some comfort.  The pain and sorrow comes to us who are left behind, because our feeble minds just doesn't understand.  

I pray that God gives you the Hope and Strength you need to get through this difficult period in your life; Hope to know that it will happen and the Strength to hold on until it does. Find peace in your heart; you certainly deserve it; we all do.

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Hi Sadaf, thanks for sharing how you are doing so far, dealing with the loss of your love one. Personally, it gives me hope, my boyfriend passed away 2 months ago and my life became something miserable since then, I am 25 years old and he was 26, he died 17 days before turning 27. It was a sudden death, he was here one weekend and the next one I was on his funeral.

The day he passed away, the husband of my sister came closer to talk to me, told me that this is an endless path (he lost his brother 10 years ago), also told me about how some events will bring back the pain: special dates, holidays, places and other deaths. I know and I understand that I have to learn how handle the pain, but I know the pain will remain for ever in my heart.

I am sorry about your loss, people out there is committing crimes, raping, stealing, cheating on his/her partners, faking love, I find unfair the fact that those people are still living, and our love ones died, they were good, they were loved and needed, and they were taking away from us.

9 months seems to far for me, but yet, so little time against all life we have ahead living without our soulmates. 

A big hug

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Sadaf Nazim
2 hours ago, Ka9219 said:

Hi Sadaf, thanks for sharing how you are doing so far, dealing with the loss of your love one. Personally, it gives me hope, my boyfriend passed away 2 months ago and my life became something miserable since then, I am 25 years old and he was 26, he died 17 days before turning 27. It was a sudden death, he was here one weekend and the next one I was on his funeral.

The day he passed away, the husband of my sister came closer to talk to me, told me that this is an endless path (he lost his brother 10 years ago), also told me about how some events will bring back the pain: special dates, holidays, places and other deaths. I know and I understand that I have to learn how handle the pain, but I know the pain will remain for ever in my heart.

I am sorry about your loss, people out there is committing crimes, raping, stealing, cheating on his/her partners, faking love, I find unfair the fact that those people are still living, and our love ones died, they were good, they were loved and needed, and they were taking away from us.

9 months seems to far for me, but yet, so little time against all life we have ahead living without our soulmates. 

A big hug

Thank you ka9219

I read your thread as well. I am so sorry for your loss. Losing someone at such young age is very devastating. We are not expecting this kind of loss at such peak times of our lives. This was the time to marry our love, travel together, do stuff.. Like all other people of our age do. And here we are. I am so sorry. 

During the time I lost my fiance, I never thought I can go on even for 9 months. But somehow I did. Maybe it's nazim sending me strength to go on. I don't know. But you will go on too. Somehow we get the strength to. Somehow we learn to patiently wait and see that unimaginable future with our loved ones again. People think it's insane and harmful to do that. But that's my only hope.

Sending peace and love to you.  

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Sadaf Nazim
6 hours ago, Francine said:

 

Thank you Francine. As always your kind words soothe my heart. 

It's true our feeble minds don't understand the logic about how a person can pass away and yet still be with us. It takes a surmountable amount of trust and hope to believe. And that's what love is all about. To believe that wherever they are they won't forget us, they won't stop loving us, and they are looking forward to meet us as much as we are. 

Our love is not one sided. Nor it is lost. They are with us as well as they are inside us. As Hellen Keller said, all that we have ever truly loved can never be lost.. Because all that we have ever truly loved becomes a part of us.

Sending peace and love to you Francine. 

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1 hour ago, Sadaf Nazim said:

Thank you ka9219

I read your thread as well. I am so sorry for your loss. Losing someone at such young age is very devastating. We are not expecting this kind of loss at such peak times of our lives. This was the time to marry our love, travel together, do stuff.. Like all other people of our age do. And here we are. I am so sorry. 

During the time I lost my fiance, I never thought I can go on even for 9 months. But somehow I did. Maybe it's nazim sending me strength to go on. I don't know. But you will go on too. Somehow we get the strength to. Somehow we learn to patiently wait and see that unimaginable future with our loved ones again. People think it's insane and harmful to do that. But that's my only hope.

Sending peace and love to you.  

Indeed, this is the time we should be working to make our dreams come true, planning to move on together, getting married, going to the beach, creating memories to grow old together no matter what, and life decided to cut down all the good things and gave us pain and sorrow instead.

Do you feel Nazim next to you? Sometimes I don't feel Mario near by. Maybe the grieve is so big and blinds me, and I cant feel him even if he is there, or maybe he just left and left me in here all alone. Most of the days I move on as a zombie, feeling numbness and hopeless, I don't want to feel this miserable the rest of my life.

You were blessed to spent so much time together with Nazim, I could only have less than a year with Mario, I can't say it was love at first sight, but it flow so natural that we only needed few weeks to love each other deeply.

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Hi Sadaf, I have been wondering about you and I am glad to see you checking in. I know Nazim's loss has been really hard for you to cope with, just like our losses have been for us. I am sorry about you losing your grandfather and sister, giving you a double whammy in one week. I cannot imagine how you have managed their losses, on top of Nazim. Must make you want to scream, cry out why? Why must you endure these losses and so close together? We can keep questioning and never find the answers. We won't know these answers until it is our turn to leave this world.

It is hard to go on without them. We don't want to, but this life makes it necessary that we do. Somehow, someway, we adapt to carrying our sorrow with us.

I don't know if you are going to celebrate Nazim's birthday in a special way, but try to remember that in Heaven, he is at peace, surrounded by love and light and he will be with you in spirit throughout all that you do. He is part of your heart and soul.

it is good to hear that you are still reading our posts and they are encouraging to you. That is one of the perks of this forum. You can read posts and not feel pressure to post anything yourself unless you want to.

We will be here for you and you are in our thoughts and prayers. :wub:

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Francine, Thank you for your beautiful post to Sadaf!

It is easier said than done trying to keep the positive thoughts up front and center of the sad thoughts.

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Sadaf Nazim
20 hours ago, Ka9219 said:

 

Yes this was the time to make the most beautiful memories together. More than for myself, I feel bad for Nazim. He had so many dreams to accomplish. He had so many plans. He was the most ambitious and energetic person I have ever met. Just weeks before his accident he purchased his first car. He got a really good job offer abroad. And we were so happy that finally our dreams are coming true. We were planning on moving together abroad. We could get married soon. Wow. We were so excited. But life had other plans for us. You know, sometimes I used to think how can we be so lucky. While so many people are suffering in the world, to marry your childhood bestfriend, to have everything sorted out at such young age, and that too both our families were so happy by our engagement.. Isn't it like heaven on earth?

Then I got reminded that this world was never meant to be heaven. This life is made that way. We enjoy the little good things that it has to offer us, but at the same time we are ready that any time all of this can be lost in a flash. 

I do feel Nazim with me sometimes. I feel the urge to do his favourite things at times that I never did earlier and I know that it is he who is making me do all this. We can feel them all around us. The connection between us has never been disrupted. It's always there. We can see them if we use something more than just our physical eyes.. Our soul. 

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Sadaf Nazim
11 hours ago, KMB said:

 

Thank you Kmb 

As devastating as these losses have been to me, it's also been an eye opener for me. I used to think why my Nazim. Everyone around me is fine. Why him, and why just at 24 years of age? He had his whole life ahead of him.

And then my grandfather passed away. He was 90. And my sister who got married just in 2015 December,  she passed away. She was just 35. Death has no age. We think we have our whole life ahead, but it might be that today is our last day and we have just a few hours ahead. 

Now, I don't complain about Nazim. He lived his whole life. Because he had only that much life. And we too should `live´ our life. Living is not what everyone does. My Nazim taught me this. Even his last day he was helping people, laughing around, praying to God. He lived to the fullest. 

I am planning to celebrate his birthday by visiting an orphanage and celebrating with them. But I have a shortage of money since I have not been working for the past 9 months. Pray for me that I could arrange the money.

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2 hours ago, Sadaf Nazim said:

Yes this was the time to make the most beautiful memories together. More than for myself, I feel bad for Nazim. He had so many dreams to accomplish. He had so many plans. He was the most ambitious and energetic person I have ever met. Just weeks before his accident he purchased his first car. He got a really good job offer abroad. And we were so happy that finally our dreams are coming true. We were planning on moving together abroad. We could get married soon. Wow. We were so excited. But life had other plans for us. You know, sometimes I used to think how can we be so lucky. While so many people are suffering in the world, to marry your childhood bestfriend, to have everything sorted out at such young age, and that too both our families were so happy by our engagement.. Isn't it like heaven on earth?

Then I got reminded that this world was never meant to be heaven. This life is made that way. We enjoy the little good things that it has to offer us, but at the same time we are ready that any time all of this can be lost in a flash. 

I do feel Nazim with me sometimes. I feel the urge to do his favourite things at times that I never did earlier and I know that it is he who is making me do all this. We can feel them all around us. The connection between us has never been disrupted. It's always there. We can see them if we use something more than just our physical eyes.. Our soul. 

Wise words, Indeed souls have the ability to see what is invisible for our eyes, and maybe my soul is "recovering" from the shock and can not "see" yet. Maybe I am not ready yet. Do you mind if I ask what kind of things do you do? Mario and I met because of a online game, and we spent a lot of time playing when we were together, but since he passed away I haven't played.

Long time ago I was talking with some friends and my sister, we agreed with something: life is pretty much like "hell" is the place we "paid" the evil we've done, and also is the place we suffer. As your relationship, my relationship was too good for being real, but it was real, the love, the partnership, the happiness and the joy, we were so happy to have each other, Mario was achieving several goals as well, he was starting his own restaurant, we were traveling together -inside our country- and we've planed to go out of the country at the end of the year. 

Your story is beautiful, it's almost a fairy tail, like those movies on TV, your childhood's best friend became the love of you life, a man of good and he loved you. It is so unfair when bad things happens to good people. 

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Sadaf Nazim, I'm so glad to see you're doing okay and that you still read the forum. I think of you often as you were one of the first people to reply to me when I first came aboard. Your story of your beloved left an impression with me, the age you met, the endless devotion and caring you had for one another, it inspired and touched me. 

Its hard to believe it's been 9 months, I myself am entering my 8th and it seems cruel how time is taking us further and further away from our most recent memories. Birthdays are such a specific and personal day, and observing them can be difficult. My wife would've turned 43 July 8th, and it was spent with my daughter on a day trip to a place my wife and I started going to when we started dating. However the day goes for you, I pray you find strength and serenity. 

It's good to hear from you again, you're a kind and sweet soul. Love and hugs,

Andy

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12 hours ago, Sadaf Nazim said:

I am planning to celebrate his birthday by visiting an orphanage and celebrating with them. But I have a shortage of money since I have not been working for the past 9 months. Pray for me that I could arrange the money.

That is a wonderful, selfless, loving way to celebrate Nazim's birthday! He will be proud of you and you will be bringing the children much joy!

You are always in my prayers, Sadaf. God always answers in His way and in His perfect timing.:wub:

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On 8/6/2017 at 11:47 AM, Ka9219 said:

Wise words, Indeed souls have the ability to see what is invisible for our eyes, and maybe my soul is "recovering" from the shock and can not "see" yet. Maybe I am not ready yet. Do you mind if I ask what kind of things do you do? Mario and I met because of a online game, and we spent a lot of time playing when we were together, but since he passed away I haven't played.

Long time ago I was talking with some friends and my sister, we agreed with something: life is pretty much like "hell" is the place we "paid" the evil we've done, and also is the place we suffer. As your relationship, my relationship was too good for being real, but it was real, the love, the partnership, the happiness and the joy, we were so happy to have each other, Mario was achieving several goals as well, he was starting his own restaurant, we were traveling together -inside our country- and we've planed to go out of the country at the end of the year. 

Your story is beautiful, it's almost a fairy tail, like those movies on TV, your childhood's best friend became the love of you life, a man of good and he loved you. It is so unfair when bad things happens to good people. 

K9291 thanks for asking. 

My Nazim loved rain. Even if it was raining at 3a.m he would go out and play football. I developed this interest now. The first time I was watching the rain from the shade, I cried missing him. And suddenly I felt as if he pushed me in the rain. It was as if he washed me with his love and care and my pain vanished. I can't really describe this in words. 

He loved bike riding and doing all kinds of stunts. I never liked bike earlier. But now I am trying to learn it.

Some other small things like this. It is as if he makes me do all this, because I would have never done otherwise. 

 

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On 8/6/2017 at 0:52 PM, Andy said:

Sadaf Nazim, I'm so glad to see you're doing okay and that you still read the forum. I think of you often as you were one of the first people to reply to me when I first came aboard. Your story of your beloved left an impression with me, the age you met, the endless devotion and caring you had for one another, it inspired and touched me. 

Its hard to believe it's been 9 months, I myself am entering my 8th and it seems cruel how time is taking us further and further away from our most recent memories. Birthdays are such a specific and personal day, and observing them can be difficult. My wife would've turned 43 July 8th, and it was spent with my daughter on a day trip to a place my wife and I started going to when we started dating. However the day goes for you, I pray you find strength and serenity. 

It's good to hear from you again, you're a kind and sweet soul. Love and hugs,

Andy

Hi Andy

It's good to hear from you too. I have always read your posts and it has always been so inspiring. The way you talk about your wife and her memories.. It makes me believe in love and how it's endless. It makes me have hope again. 

Sending prayers to you Andy.

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Sadaf Nazim
20 hours ago, KMB said:

That is a wonderful, selfless, loving way to celebrate Nazim's birthday! He will be proud of you and you will be bringing the children much joy!

You are always in my prayers, Sadaf. God always answers in His way and in His perfect timing.:wub:

Thank you Kmb for your kind words. It means a lot to me. 

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I tried to get the moderators to merge the two threads since it double posted and my response was in the other one, but they didn't.  

On 8/4/2017 at 9:56 PM, Sadaf Nazim said:

Our love is not one sided. Nor it is lost. They are with us as well as they are inside us. As Hellen Keller said, all that we have ever truly loved can never be lost.. Because all that we have ever truly loved becomes a part of us.

I believe this too!  When is his birthday, Sadaf?

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20 hours ago, Sadaf Nazim said:

K9291 thanks for asking. 

My Nazim loved rain. Even if it was raining at 3a.m he would go out and play football. I developed this interest now. The first time I was watching the rain from the shade, I cried missing him. And suddenly I felt as if he pushed me in the rain. It was as if he washed me with his love and care and my pain vanished. I can't really describe this in words. 

He loved bike riding and doing all kinds of stunts. I never liked bike earlier. But now I am trying to learn it.

Some other small things like this. It is as if he makes me do all this, because I would have never done otherwise. 

 

That's beautiful, I tear up reading this. I think this is the true meaning of "honoring" their lives. Doing what they liked and doing it with joy, they took a piece of us, but a piece of them also remains within us.

I've always think about the "healing powers of rain" as the sea, rains wash out our souls, and I think sharing this love the rain is truly meaningful.

Love is not something we can describe with words, I we know is true love when words are not longer necessary. 

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On 8/7/2017 at 9:10 PM, KayC said:

I tried to get the moderators to merge the two threads since it double posted and my response was in the other one, but they didn't.  

I believe this too!  When is his birthday, Sadaf?

It's on 16th August kay. Thanks for asking. 

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18 hours ago, Ka9219 said:

 Doing what they liked and doing it with joy, they took a piece of us, but a piece of them also lives in us.

Truly! You put it up very beautifully. 

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One week then. Do you have plans as to how you want to handle that day?  I know it helps to have a plan, perhaps a ritual, but sometimes it's hard formulating one, at least it has been for me.  I tend to treat it like any other day since he can't celebrate it with me, BUT I'm very conscious it's his birthday and I tell him Happy Birthday.

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On 8/4/2017 at 2:05 PM, Sadaf Nazim said:

hi everyone 

It's been a while since I last posted here. I come here often but only to read the posts of such lovely people here. You all give me hope to carry on with my life. I thought I should tell you all what I have been to these days. 

For those who don't know me. My name is Sadaf. I am 23. I lost my childhood bestfriend and my fiance to an accident on 13th November. He was 24. We knew each other for past 15 years since we were family friends. We dated each other for last 7 years and we were just about to getting married soon. You could imagine how devastating a loss it has been for me. He was everything to me. My whole world. 

A couple of months ago my grandfather and my elder sister passed away. Both in the same week. I cried a lot. But it seemed I was crying more for my Nazim than for them. Although I love them a lot but anyone leaving this world reminds me of nazim. But this has become more of a routine for me now. To do all the daily work, cry, miss him, go on with life. It's become a part of me now. How strange it is that the person we think we can never live without, we learn to live without them. 

It's my love's birthday this week. I wonder how he would have been at 25. I pray that wherever he is, he is happy. I pray that we are united soon. I pray for all of us. That it becomes easy to deal with this unimaginable loss. 

 

 

 

 

I feel you and i read your thread before. I am also in the same situation. I lost my boyfriend and best friend to brain death on 12th April this year. His name was Asif. He was 24 and Iam 23. We were also in a relationship for about 7 years and knew each other from childhood. I still cry everyday and the pain doesnt seem to lessen. I can relate because our stories are almost the same. 

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On 8/8/2017 at 2:44 AM, Ka9219 said:

Doing what they liked and doing it with joy, they took a piece of us, but a piece of them also remains within us.

I like this too, it's how I feel.

 

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On 8/11/2017 at 0:28 AM, Sb123 said:

I feel you and i read your thread before. I am also in the same situation. I lost my boyfriend and best friend to brain death on 12th April this year. His name was Asif. He was 24 and Iam 23. We were also in a relationship for about 7 years and knew each other from childhood. I still cry everyday and the pain doesnt seem to lessen. I can relate because our stories are almost the same. 

Hi sb123

I am so sorry for your loss. I read your thread. Asif was so young. May God bless him with paradise. 

When ever I come across a similar story like mine, it breaks my heart apart. I know how you are feeling. I feel your pain. Losing a childhood bestfriend, that too at such crucial time of our age. I am so sorry. I don't know what else to say. Just this, that I am with you through this. 

Sending love and peace to you!  

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On 8/9/2017 at 7:56 PM, KayC said:

One week then. Do you have plans as to how you want to handle that day?  I know it helps to have a plan, perhaps a ritual, but sometimes it's hard formulating one, at least it has been for me.  I tend to treat it like any other day since he can't celebrate it with me, BUT I'm very conscious it's his birthday and I tell him Happy Birthday.

I don't have any plans. Just did some praying for him. And some charity. The rest of the day would be normal. Like any other day. 

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Sadaf,

1 hour ago, KayC said:

You're in my thoughts and prayers today, Sadaf.

Ditto on that Sadaf. Praying and giving of yourself to others is the greatest way to honor Nazim. (HUGS)

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On 8/15/2017 at 11:13 PM, Sadaf Nazim said:

Hi sb123

I am so sorry for your loss. I read your thread. Asif was so young. May God bless him with paradise. 

When ever I come across a similar story like mine, it breaks my heart apart. I know how you are feeling. I feel your pain. Losing a childhood bestfriend, that too at such crucial time of our age. I am so sorry. I don't know what else to say. Just this, that I am with you through this. 

Sending love and peace to you!  

I hope we both can get through this. Its too traumatic. 

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On 8/16/2017 at 8:14 PM, KayC said:

You're in my thoughts and prayers today, Sadaf.

Thank you kayC. You are a big support on this forum. 

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On 8/16/2017 at 9:49 PM, KMB said:

Sadaf,

Ditto on that Sadaf. Praying and giving of yourself to others is the greatest way to honor Nazim. (HUGS)

Thank you Kmb. Hugs to you too. 

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The day came and went...same as mine have, I hope you made it through it okay.  (((hugs)))

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