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Nickyv

My whole world is gone

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Nickyv   

My beautiful baby girl passed away almost a month the ago. She was a healthy and happy 14 year old. I've been house/pet sitting for a friend on and off for the past year. I made the fateful decision to give a bone to each of them. Which I had done many times before. Except this time, my baby girl was killed by the other dog, just because she was walking by the other dogs bone. I had to watch my girl die right in front of me, and it was my fault. I have been in the phsyc ward since that night, because I wanted to kill myself. I have lost the only thing that matters in my life, and the pain is unbearable. The incident replays in my head over and over. I kept her safe for 14 years, and in one split second she was gone. They are getting ready to release me from the hospital, because it's a short term facility, and as the nurses say, it's not the real world being in here. I can't be here without her, I just want to die. 

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KayC   

Nickyv,

I am so, so sorry.  That must have been horrible to go through, I can understand your pain and wanting to die.  Sometimes we can't foresee everything, I wish we could, I had a dog that died a tragic death also (he snuck back into the van and remained very quiet on my drive to work so I did not know he was there...it was 140+ degrees inside it while I was just a few feet away in my office, he died).  It is such a shock to our system to go through something like this!  The loss is hard enough, but dealing with the trauma, that's really hard.  I wonder if imagery could be of help to you, many of us suffer with haunting memories of their final moments and it's sometimes used in these situations.  I'll post an article about it for you to consider.  I hope with all my heart you'll see a professional grief counselor, they can be of tremendous help to you in getting through this.  My heart goes out to you, I know your pain is great.

http://www.griefhealingblog.com/2012/04/nightmares-and-bad-dreams-in-grief.html
These are some links on guilt with loss of pet:
http://media.wix.com/ugd/0dd4a5_e934e7f92d104d31bcb334d6c6d63974.pdf 

http://www.pet-loss.net/guilt.shtml 

 

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Izegrim   

Hello Nickyv,

 

I'm sorry to hear about your loss. And I'm even more sorry to read that you feel so guilty about what happened. I think you did it with the best intention, but nature can be cruel. I can imagine what shock it must've been for you and how guilty you feel now. But let me be brutally frank: stop punishing yourself! You did nothing wrong. The other dog got triggered and attacked ... it happens. I have the scars on my face from when I got bitten by a dog when I was about 4 years old: I wanted to pick up a toy and the dog attacked ... I still feel sorry about the fact that the owners put the dog down. Of course I was just a toddler, but I did unknowingly cross some boundary and the animal did what was in its nature.

 

I know it hurts like hell to loose a pet this way. Especially if you did give them a bone before and everything went just fine. But you're not Cesar f-ing Millan! So stop to try and kill yourself: IT WASN'T YOUR FAULT! It was an unfortunate circumstance. Just because you gave the dogs a bone, doesn't make you guilty! I can give you several reasons why the dog attacked, but that doesn't diminish the pain you're suffering now. But please stop hurting yourself ...

 

I can only imagine the sheer panic and how emotional, even traumatizing, it must've been. But I hope you can get through it all ... and like I said here on this forum before: if you can blame yourself, you also have the power to forgive yourself!

 

A big virtual hug from me: (((((Nickyv)))))

 

Just a pic of me with the scars on my upper lip ... I'm not kidding. It seems I wasn't happy that day (Easter) and I can only hope you can dry your eyes too ... some day

PICT0103.JPG

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