Jump to content
Forum Conduct & Guidelines Document ×

My heart shattered...


June

Recommended Posts

  • Members

I've been reading here for a few days trying to decide if I can take this step.  
I lost my dear husband of 31 years of marriage on July 3rd.  He was diagnosed with Parkinson's Disease in 2003.

I took him to the ER on June 21 (our anniversary was the 20th) for dehydration once again.  We thought it would be the usual few days as inpatient for hydration.  But he had a respiratory arrest on the 22nd and altho he fought hard, he lost the battle.  

If I tried to share everything we went thru together fighting that horrible disease, it would be a book.  

Yes, I was his 24 hr/day 7 day/week caregiver for the past 3 years.  But he was my loving husband.  He was truly my best friend.  
We did everything together.  Honestly, other than my sister and her daughters, I have no other close friends.  Oh, I have lots of church friends, and church family, and I have too many cousins to count.  But he is the only person I did things with, the only person I went places with.  
I feel terribly alone.   Everything in our lives focused on him, on his needs, on fighting the disease, going to doctors appointments, therapy, participating in research studies, you name it. 

Monday was 4 weeks.  Tomorrow will be 1 month.  I hate counting the dates and watching the clock.  I did so much of that during those 2 weeks in the hospital.   But I am so lost without him.  

Thank God for my wonderful sister and her daughters.  I'd go mad without them.

Thank you for listening.  I'm not sure this will help but I'm here to try.  I had joined an on-line Parkinson's Caregiver group just a few months ago.   It was a place to vent our frustrations.  I'd give anything to still be fighting PD and have him by my side.  

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Hi June.  I lost my wife 2 days before your husbands transition.  Just to put it bluntly... it sucks.   I am here sitting on our bed, after dark, just soaking up the reality that I will be with my wife again in our home.  It makes me stomach drop.  It's still hard to swallow.  

I am sorry that we are meeting under these circumstances.  Another member recently said, its heartbreaking to see a new member here.   I am sorry for your loss.

I don't have much to say that can comfort you, I feel terrible myself.  But Please continue to post here.  We are all here to help.  It is a safe environment here to express your feelings.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

June,

I am sorry for your loss. It is really the mark of true love to care for your husband the way you did. Far to many people forget that "in sickness and in health" is one of the vows we take. It must have been hard to see the one you love go through the things he did with Parkinsons. I lost my wife suddenly to a heart attack at the age of 46 so I don't fully understand your level of pain but I know the hurt and despair of losing the one I love most on this Earth. I pray that you will find comfort as you walk this road. Please come here to read, post, cry, scream. We will be here for you.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Moderators

Oh June, my heart just breaks as I read your post...another person going through what we've had to endure, I'm so sorry for your loss.  I can relate, we were together all the time, we were each other's worlds.  This is all so fresh for you, for me it's been 12 years, yet I remember that new-to-grief time like it was yesterday.  

It has been a lifesaver to me to have a grief forum to come to, to know there are others that "get it" and that what I've felt is "normal" in grief.  It helps.  It doesn't alleviate the changes that this has meant to us, but it helps to have others to walk through it with.  This is a safe place to come to.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

June, I'm glad you took the step and joined our grief family. The most comfort is being among those who understand the pain, heartache, emptiness, loneliness, of losing your soulmate. I am deeply sorry for your loss. My father-in-law from my first early marriage had Parkinson's. I know what you and husband endured together in that daily fight. It is good to hear that your sister and nieces are a support system for you. Sending prayers for comfort and peace out to you. (HUGS)

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members
23 hours ago, June said:

Thank you for listening.

June , You go ahead, vent, rant, what ever you want to call it.  Were here.

Autocharge

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members
On 8/2/2017 at 10:48 PM, June said:

But I am so lost without him.   Thank God for my wonderful sister and her daughters.  I'd go mad without them.

I am so sorry for your loss and know to well being and feeling lost.  I thought I had my own notion on grief; I thought it was a really bad, sad time that one goes through after losing someone so dear to them.  And you just had to push through it to get through it to reach that other side of grief.  But there's no other side, there's no pushing through, but rather there is absorption, adjustment and acceptance.  It's not something you complete, it's something you endure; it's not a task to finish and move on, but a new way of seeing an element of youself, an alteration of your being. A totally *new* you.  How amazing is God to put the right people in our lives, at the right time, just when we need them the most.  It's truly a blessing to have your family to support you during this awful time. 

On 8/2/2017 at 10:48 PM, June said:

I'm not sure this will help but I'm here to try

I'm glad you decided to post; nothing beats a failure but a try and we are all trying to get through this horrific journey.  I think the key is taking  one day at a time.  Just because today might be a terrible day doesn't mean tomorrow won't be a better day in your life.  We just gotta get there.  We can't see where the roads will lead us, but God promises there's something better up ahead, if we just trust him.  Know you are in my prayers and God's Hands - and there no better place you would want to  be.  Stay Strong!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Thank you for your kind words.  
I had also been a caregiver or sorts for my mother for a time - while she still lived in her own home next to us.  My father passed in 2008.  She continued to live in her home until Dec 2015 when she moved in with my sister.  She passed on Jan 13, 2017.  So the pain of losing her is still very much raw also.  I want and need her to help me thru losing him.  
 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Moderators

June,

My George passed away 12 years ago, but my mom understood...she endured 32 years after my father passed.  She died from Lewy Bodies Dementia three years ago, and although she forgot who George was the last few years of her dementia, I do miss being able to share with her and knowing she understood.  In the end she forgot what happened to daddy too. :(  I understand your needing your mom, I don't think we ever quite get over that.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members
17 hours ago, June said:

  I want and need her to help me thru losing him.  

It is so devastating that the ones who we need to lean on for comfort and strength at this time, are the very ones who are gone. My husband was the only one I had to turn to when something sad, traumatic or negative happened. I am by myself and the hurting is huge. No loving arms and a shoulder to cry on-----

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

My dear husband had children from a previous marriage.  They live 5 hours away.  It was so hard to call them when he had the respiratory arrest.  

We never had children together.  I don't regret not having children.  But I have to depend on my sister and her daughters to be here for me.  And they are.  I am blessed with a wonderful family.  

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members
11 hours ago, KMB said:

It is so devastating that the ones who we need to lean on for comfort and strength at this time, are the very ones who are gone. My husband was the only one I had to turn to when something sad, traumatic or negative happened. I am by myself and the hurting is huge. No loving arms and a shoulder to cry on-----

I do agree with you. Whenever I'm having a bad day or when things just don't work out, I always tell myself that at least I have my wife -- because that's the only thing that matters.  But now she is gone!  She's gone!   It's just so unfair!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members
1 hour ago, Azipod said:

I do agree with you. Whenever I'm having a bad day or when things just don't work out, I always tell myself that at least I have my wife -- because that's the only thing that matters.  But now she is gone!  She's gone!   It's just so unfair!

Same here, whenever I had a problem Mario was there for me, he was my best friend because he was capable of made forget about all my problems, my time with him was filled with jokes and good times, he putted so much effort in seen me happy. He loved me and all he wanted was my happiness, and now he is gone. =( 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Moderators

June, I'm so glad you have your sister and nieces there for you.  My sisters are there for me by phone but the older ones aren't physically able to do anything and the younger one is busy living her life with her husband and traveling, my brother I never see, he has three jobs and five kids.

I think we all struggle with how alone we are, I know I do.  It's hard not having that one that cares about you.  Nothing replaces that.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members
On 8/5/2017 at 9:14 PM, June said:

  I don't regret not having children.  But I have to depend on my sister and her daughters to be here for me.  And they are.  I am blessed with a wonderful family.  

Yes, you are blessed, we all are.  Family means believing, loving and supporting each other; the love of a family is one of life's greatest blessing and I am glad you have that family especially at this most difficult time in your life.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

I had an appointment with a lady from the funeral home today - sorta a follow up.  
She had such valuable information for me!  Companies etc. she suggested I contact.  Including the 3 major credit report companies to report his death to prevent anyone stealing his identity and opening any accounts in his name.  
She was so kind and helpful.  I've never had a funeral home contact me after the funeral like this.  
I'll be making my own pre-planned arrangements with them when I can handle it emotionally.

On the other hand, I also met with a rep from a monument company.    I was not so pleased with that meeting.  I won't be paying over $4,500 for a headstone.  

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Moderators

Wow!  I hope there's one out there that has lower prices.  I wonder what the mark up is?!

It sounds like the funeral home personnel are good at least.  I never even thought of notifying the credit reporting agencies.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members
Quote

Actually KayC, my niece said they paid $800 for my uncles stone.  It is much bigger and has a lot of engraving on it.  So we're going to check out that company.   
Apparently the guy I talked with yesterday only sells "the best" highest quality granite. From the USA :) not imported. 

 

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members
On 8/10/2017 at 8:46 PM, June said:

I had an appointment with a lady from the funeral home today - sorta a follow up.  
She had such valuable information for me!  Companies etc. she suggested I contact.  Including the 3 major credit report companies to report his death to prevent anyone stealing his identity and opening any accounts in his name.  
She was so kind and helpful.  I've never had a funeral home contact me after the funeral like this.  
I'll be making my own pre-planned arrangements with them when I can handle it emotionally.

On the other hand, I also met with a rep from a monument company.    I was not so pleased with that meeting.  I won't be paying over $4,500 for a headstone.  

I am glad you had a good experience with the funeral home and they had a follow up with you. Some places are not so well managed or so compassionate with follow up concerns. I never heard of contacting the credit report companies myself. Thank you for that tip!

I also wish you luck in locating a reasonably affordable monument company. My husband only wanted cremation. No interment or headstone. I still have his ashes here and will someday, when I feel it is the right time, be releasing him on special parts of our property. I will also be making my own pre-plan arrangements soon. As we all know, prices go up every year and I would rather take advantage now before costs rise again. My husband was as prepared for his end of life wishes as possible, about 9 years before. It has been so hard dealing with it all way too soon. But, I am grateful he made the process as easy as possible. I wish to do the same for myself, for the rest of the family.

Nothing can be done the easy way for our emotional suffering though. We are left to face that square in the face every day.       (HUGS)

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

×
×
  • Create New...

Important Information

This site uses cookies We have placed cookies on your device to help make this website better. You can adjust your cookie settings, otherwise we'll assume you're okay to continue. and uses these terms of services Terms of Use.