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      Hi all,  I'm sure you've noticed some changes in the forums. We've again had to do some updates, so that's why things may look a little different. Nothing major should have changed.  Also, we are going to start adding advertisements sensitive to our community on the boards. This is something we are experimenting with, and we will certainly make sure they are in the best interests of everyone. We want to make sure our forums continue to stay accessible and cost free to all of our members, and this is a way to ensure this.  If you have any questions or comments, please feel free to privately message me or email me at Konnie@beyondindigo.com.  As always, we will be here with you, ModKonnie

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I lost my little Munchkin this past Monday, July 31, 2017. I am having a horrible time coping with her passing. I am having severe panic attacks, and cannot stop crying. I am terrified to be in my own home because I am expecting to see her. She was a huge part of my every day life. I am so scared I am not going to get through this. I would do anything to have her back with me now. My coworkers must think I am crazy because I keep breaking down at work. I need help, and I do not know what to do. I do not know how to act in my home, because everything reminds me of her. I want to always remember her, she was my best friend. It is just hard to sort through all this.

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MarvaMac   

My dear friend, let me say how sorry I am for your loss..... I fully and truly understand your pain. Please know, that I know it's okay to cry as much as you can, this furbaby was your family member ....plain and simple! People who don't have pets don't usually understand that no matter what pet you have....they are truly a part of your family and your life too!!!! I've been there where you are a month ago, my God!!! I thought I couldn't get myself together!!!! I felt I couldn't breathe, I had sleepless nights, I've cried day and night cause a part of me that took care of this beautiful creature for 16 years would no longer be there for me when I was lonely, greeting me at door when I get home from work, cuddle next to me when I watched tv, and so forth anymore. Words just can't describe it , but I definitely know what you are going through right now. First thing first, please talk to God who truly  understands what you're feeling....no judgement or anything!!! Secondly, cry......let it all out as much as you can sweetie!! Pray!!!! Pray!!!!Pray!!!Pray!!! That really helps a lot!! Thirdly, talk to us here when you need a friend or see that you're not the only person hurting!!! This site here is a God send!!!!! These guys here are awesome people that I can relate to and feel comfortable to communicate to about my grief!!! I am here also for you too!! Take a moment to realize that your furbaby loved you cause you gave that precious thing all that you could have give, I commend you for showing love to God's creatures and you will be bless for that!!! I will pray for your strength and the will to move on my friend.....you are going to be all right!!! Time will heal the hurt and pain eventually, but you will get better each day.....I still am. Take care!!!!!

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I "thank-you" for your kind words. All I can seem to manage to do is break down in tears constantly. My mind keeps thinking about her, and wondering if there was more I could have done. I do not think I will ever recover.

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KayC   

I am so sorry for your loss, we are so close to our babies, losing them is very hard.  I know in the beginning, early grief, it feels so intense we can't imagine ever feeling better again, but it does get better eventually, we never stop missing them, but the intensity lessens in time and we manage to get through the day and little by little we adjust.  I have lost many pets throughout my life (I am old now) and will again, and I dread going through it again, but it's the price for loving.  I can't imagine living my life without them, each and every one, so I will pay the price one at a time, when their time comes to go, grateful for each moment spent with them, yet heart breaking for it coming to an end. I truly believe we'll be together again, and that thoughts keeps hope alive in me, I hope it brings you comfort too.

 

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All I can think about is my cat Munchkin. I am so so depressed and full of guilt. The pain inside me just gets more intense. I cannot eat or sleep, and my mind will not stop thinking about the day of her passing. She was my everything, and it is hard to go on without her. I was hoping she would make it to her 17th birthday, which is October 13th, 2017. I know cats cannot live forever, but I was hoping she could defeat the odds and be with me always. I am blaming myself wondering what I could have done to save her. 

Her passing was very fast. She seemed to be doing fine, except for not wanting to eat. I would buy many different kinds of food for her to try, but she barely touched it. I would end up throwing it out. I contributed this to being a senior kitty and you slow down a bit. She lost so much weight and then went on a downward spiral. The day and night before she passed, she was up moving around constantly. I watched her trying to find a place to rest, but it was like she was looking for a comfortable spot to lay down.

I think I need to stop writing for now. I am once again starting to have a panic attack and my tears will not stop. I loved my little Munchkin so, so much. I hope she knows she was the best little thing that ever happened to me. She was with me through all my good times, and the unfortunate bad times. She was the one who could cheer me up and make me forget my troubles. She always knew what to do.

I "Love You Munchkin"!! 

 

 

 

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KayC   

They know we love them, they never doubt it.  I hope these articles will bring you some measure of peace.  We do expect ourselves to keep them alive no matter what and tend to get pretty down on ourselves when we can't, but our hope/expectations are sometimes different from reality.
 http://media.wix.com/ugd/0dd4a5_e934e7f92d104d31bcb334d6c6d63974.pdf 

http://www.pet-loss.net/guilt.shtml 

http://www.griefhealingblog.com/2012/12/grief-and-burden-of-guilt.html

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All I can think about is Munchkin. I am just lost and I just do not know what to do with myself. She has been gone a week now, and I cannot accept that. I will never see my best friend again. I hated leaving her in the mornings when I went to work. I would tell her to be a good girl. I even left the tv on in my bedroom, because that is where she always was. Every day as I drove home from work, I was always looking forward to seeing her. It made me so happy when she waited for me. Then we would go about our evening and I was always talking to her and giving her pets and chin rubs. I wish I knew what Munchkin seen in me. To me, I am a loser. Years of bad things happening made me think that way. Munchkin did not see me that way. She loved me unconditionally, and I loved her. I was not perfect, and she still wanted to be with me all the time. I sure hope she knew I loved her always and forever. I would do anything to have her back with me...

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KayC   

Oh Hon, it breaks my heart to hear you refer to yourself as a loser!  Please don't refer to yourself that way!  We need to be our own best friend, I've had to learn self-care in my latter years and part of that is extending the same understanding and patience you would to someone else.  Yes, Munchkin didn't see you that way.  She saw you as the person who loved and cared for her and brought her much happiness.  I'm glad you had that relationship in your life, I'm just sorry we lose our pets way sooner than we wish.  If I had my way about it, we'd live a good long life and then go together.  I do believe, with all my heart, we'll be together again.  Do her proud.

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Driving home from work today, I just lost it thinking about Munchkin. I honestly do not think I am going to get through this. I have experienced so much pain in my life,it is unreal. I am stressed out to the max. Munchkin was my daily therapy. I could count on her to always listen to me. She always knew when I was upset. She was the one who could make me feel better. I do not know how I am going to manage and go on. She was not just a cat, she was my best friend. I miss her so badly. I thought having her ashes with me would simmer me down a little bit. I talk to her like she is still here, but then the pain kicks in and not seeing her entirely is killing me. I am so lost. 

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Izegrim   

Dear Munchkin's mommy,

 

I'm sorry for your loss. From what I read it seems that we're in the same position: both grieving about our loss. But I also recognise the function your little munchkin had for you: an outlet to get rid of all the negative things that happen during the day. Munchkin was indeed your therapy ... and if I'm right you're not 'just' mourning about the loss of your pet, but also about what she meant to you: your little furry 'therapist'.

My mum was against getting a new pet, but you don't have that barrier. My advice: get a new 'therapist'. Maybe not right away ... give yourself some room to mourn about the loss. But knowing that there can be someone to help you in the same way (not exactly, but still ...), can be a comforting thought. And don't feel guilty towards Munchkin: you're not betraying her ... your heart is big enough to let an other one in!

 

Cheers,

Izzy

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KayC   

It never feels like we're going to get through this while deep in the throes of grief, because the feelings are so intense in the beginning.  Please trust me when I tell you that you WILL however.  12 years ago I lost my precious husband, he was my soulmate and best friend, my everything, and it was unexpected, he was barely 51.  I didn't see how I could live a WEEK without him, let alone the rest of my life.  But I'm still here.  I've survived by doing it one day at a time and trying not to look beyond that, a day is all I can handle.  I still miss him each and every day, I still talk to him, whether inside my head or audibly.  He is still very much a part of me.  But I've adjusted to the changes this has meant to my life and gotten better at coping.  I was just reading some articles today on resilience in grief.  VERY right on!  

I have lost many pets over the years, each one was hard to lose.  Once in a great while you get one that seemed to be meant for you.  You think you'll never be as close to another, but it seems they have a way of worming their way into our hearts all on their own.  One does not replace another, but viewed separately, each one is special in their own right.  They not only have a way of filling a void in us, but they seem to make room for themselves inside our hearts.  The dog I have right now is perfect for me, he is my dog-soulmate if there is such a thing, yet I know when I lose him I will have to find another dog, maybe not right away, but I'll keep my heart and my eyes open for one, I have too much love to give to keep it all to myself, and I need someone furry and wonderful in my life.  No dog will ever replace my Arlie, he is very special.  But I also won't let another one take a back seat.  I know, that sounds incongruous, I hope it makes some sort of sense to you!

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MarvaMac   

Amen Mrs. KayC!!!!! Well done !!!!! Beautiful!!!! 

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It has been two weeks ago, since my little Munchkin passed away. I miss her so much it hurts. I feel so lost and alone without her. Last night I was talking to her ashes telling her how much I loved and missed her. I am not myself, and my co workers are worried about me. I have not been the same. I feel like a zombie just walking through my day, and nothing seems to matter any more. I wish I could bring her back. I am hoping I will see some kind of a sign from her telling me she is okay, and I will see her again. At the same time I am terrified it may never happen. I do not know what to do any more. 

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KayC   

It is the hardest thing in the world to go through, to go through profound loss, and I know of no way through it but straight through it.  I wish there was a shortcut or a softer way, but I have never found one.  In time we do get used to the changes it means to our lives so we don't get up in the morning startled all over again by their absence, yet we continue to miss them and it hurts.  It's been 14 months since I lost Miss Mocha and I still miss her so much, I ache for her.  She was so special, there is no cat like her, the loss is absolute.  I miss having her snuggle up to me at night, pushing on me.  I miss her feminine ways, her tiny little feminine meow, her beautiful blue eyes, her flirtatious blink blink, and the way she'd lay on her back and roll from side to side when she flirted.  Such a beautiful little girl!

It's been 14 months for me, I don't cry much but the ache in my heart is still there.  It was very hard at first, I kept looking towards the patio door to see her waiting to be let in...she didn't appear of course, and it hit me again and again.  We want so much for this to not be true, to please be a nightmare we can awaken from, but it's not, it's our reality, it's so hard to grasp.  I'm so sorry you're feeling these same pangs, I wish somehow it was easier getting used to this, it's not. :(

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AJWCat   

I am here because I just lost my cat a couple days ago and it was physically traumatic for him and totally horrific. so... I totally understand where you are. My vision of his last moments were maybe being in vet office, calm and in control and getting time to say goodbye. This was a nightmare and from the time I found him to death was about 2 hours. I really have not eaten or slept much. I am full of guilt since I am not sure exactly what happened and if my negligence led to his death (which in honesty it could have) so I am barely coping. I have waves of fear and anxiety and overwhelm. You should read what everyone else is going through on this forum and you will see you are not alone in this. Sure your co-workers might not understand but others who are going through this do, believe me. That said, you will make it. And you can have a wonderful life again - plenty of cats need saving. 

 

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KayC   

You are so right, everyone here understands.  Some people don't understand the closeness we feel with our animals, they aren't "pet people", they're the kind that don't want to muss up their furniture and think animals have no place in the house.  My dog has his own recliner and window to look out of!  My dog and cat are very much a part of the family that us three have formed!  I feed them before I feed myself.  How can one who thinks a dog doesn't belong in the house begin to understand one who buys their dog their own chair?  They can't.  

You have, however, found good company.  We here, we get it.  AJW is right.

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I just got home from work, and crying once again. I miss my beautiful little Munchkin!! I loved her so much!! I would always tell her that, and then give her a kiss on the head. I sit here and think about all those times. I think about funny things she used to do. I just cannot accept the fact that she is gone. I am having such a hard time with this. I was talking to my daughter yesterday about Munchkin and how I cannot seem to get a grip on reality. I told her I am beginning to think I may need to go see a psychiatrist. She said I should consider it, if I am not feeling any better. I told her about the kind words people have shared with me on this site. I understand everyone here has suffered a loss, and they are here to talk about it like I am. It seems like they are all handling their losses better than I am. I feel like a total basket case. I will never get used to her being gone. The pain I feel is just as intense as it was the day she passed away. 

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MarvaMac   

No you're not a basket case!!!!! You just grieve differently from others, whether some grieve lightly or some grieve hard!!! It's okay to cry or to miss your baby whenever You feel like it no matter what other people say!!!! Please don't let it get to the point you're not taking care of yourself or home.....or to the point you can't get out of the bed.....please go see someone who can help you get through your pain cause you need to know you're not alone in this!!!! I miss my Rex so much that it pains me just to see his food bowls still there untouched in two months after his death... I wish I can be there with you to hold you up and wipe away your tears and to say that it will be all right!!! Munchkin and Rex are no longer in pain and they.... along with the other precious pets are with God right now !!!! Free from hurt, free from pain, forever young playfully like kittens and pups over the Rainbow Heaven!!! Even though Rex is not here in the presence....he sure is definitely in my heart and soul as we speak knowing my baby isn't hurting from cancer anymore. Your Munchkin is surely definitely in your heart and soul too!! You're not ready to accept that yet.... but you will in due time... please continue to pray and see about yourself too sweetie!!! I will pray for you as well ......love and hugs to you my friend.

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AJWCat   

So sorry you are going through this. It is horrible. I think about my cat pretty much all day. It will be one week from my cat's horrible death tomorrow. I picked up St. John's Wort and Oil of Evening Primrose which are natural mood enhancers because I am so down. The weird thing is, I almost don't want to be happy because that will somehow mean I accept what happened and I don't - I am too angry and upset to accept it. It was not okay. I am not okay. You might feel the same? My husband who is also heartbroken still gets tired and overwhelmed by me breaking down. If he was not around I'd probably have not done anything except cry. Intellectually we know everything will die. At least Munchkin was with you and not alone when her time came.     

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KayC   

It hasn't even been three weeks yet, that's not much time in light of grief, this is a hard thing to process.  Go easy on yourself.

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This past Monday will be the third week living without Munchkin. I miss her so much!! It is a struggle for me just to try and get through my day. I cannot stop thinking about her. Still falling apart after I get out of work. Then the drive home crying my eyes out. When I unlock my front door and walk in, I still look around for her and then reality slaps me in the face.

I have lost ten pounds since all this happened. I am just not hungry anymore. I have little bits of things here and there, but no appetite. I also cannot bring myself to eat meat of any kind. I used to, but with Munchkin passing away I cannot do it. I keep thinking of her rapid weight loss. She was barely eating anything before she passed away. I tried everything I could think of to get her to eat, but nothing worked. I know there is a psychological thing going on in my head in regards to that. 

I appreciate the kind words from all of you. I know the grieving process takes time, but with me it is going to take a long, long time. I want to keep talking about her. I do not ever want to stop thinking about her. She was my world, and I feel so alone now without her. 

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Lost my best friend Munchkin four weeks ago yesterday. I miss her very much!! I think about her every day, and every night. I still have the pain in my heart from missing her so much. I want to believe the "Rainbow Bridge" is real. I am holding on to that hope, that I will see her again. If I did not have this, I do not think I could go on. I feel so alone...

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AJWCat   

"Anniversary" dates seem to be hard. When I put my previous 2 cats down due to their illness ten years ago, I couldn't tell you the date. They were sick for so long, I had time and knew the end was nearing. Our other guy, was a total shock. It was Saturday night, we were cooking dinner when he got violently ill. So the last couple Saturdays have been awful. Of course you still miss Munchkin and four weeks is a big milestone. So short and yet so long to be without her. I am so sorry for your loss - she was clearly a wonderful friend.  

 

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Nickyv   

Lovemykitty- it's been almost 8 weeks since I lost the only thing I love in this world. Don't be concerned about how other people view you. I was taken to the pshych ward the day it happened, and stayed 5 weeks. I wanted to die, I still do. I haven't worked since being sent home. I can barely take care of myself. I wish I knew if we would be together if I took my life. I don't want any part of this life, without her in it. I'm so sorry Bailey. I was supposed to keep you safe. 

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KayC   

I am so sorry for all of you suffering, I know all too well how that feels.  I haven't been the same since my husband passed 12 years ago, and then a year later I lost my 19 year old cat to cancer.  I'd gotten a cat, Chappy that first year and lost him within two years from a cougar.  The next to go was my dog, Lucky, she was 14, incontinent, arthritic, going deaf, but when she started whimpering in the night I knew it was time, I couldn't let her suffer just because I wanted to hang onto her.  Three years ago my mother passed away from dementia.  Then 14 months ago Miss Mocha disappeared.  Now I have a nine year old dog and a 21 year old cat and I know I'm on borrowed time, I just pray it's not for some time yet.  I guess this is all of our prayer...and then it happens.  I know that death is part of life and it's cycle.  I also believe with all of my heart that we'll be together again, I couldn't continue if I did not have that belief.  

 

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