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She's still gone


Jean

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Hello all, 

im sure some of us are all familiarized with that quote from a family member "Only time will heal" or "This is the worst part, it only gets better from here" does anyone else think that's kind of a lie? I mean for those who have lost do we ever really fully recover? It's been 4 years since my mothers demise and it's been the hardest 4 years of my life let me tell you. It was the beginning of my freshman year of high school when I came home and found my mother dead. I think seeing her like that will taunt me for the rest of my life unfortunately. I look back, and I remember how my sisters where informed about the tragic news, it was from the doctor himself and they where devastated and shocked just like everyone else. But me, I felt like I got the worst of it all. I was 14 years old just walking home from the bus stop and then bam my life changed forever, had my school pictures in one hand and swim team papers in the other.. I had no idea what to do or what was going on when I found my mom dead and no one else saw her like this but me. Why did I have to see her in that kind of state? I think me and my sisters all have a different point of view of my mothers death but in all honesty I think I got the worst hand of it. To this day my mothers death has effected me long term and will still continue to. It effected me through high school, through relationships, even my own morals.. I just went down hill when my mom died.. I mean down a really steep hill and I'm trying everything right now to fight back and make something of myself but it's hard and it's stressful and can't help but to feel lost and I'm not good at reaching out to people.

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Dear Jean,

I'm very sorry for your loss. I know the pain and sorrow is deep. Please know you are not alone in your thoughts and feelings. It is hard. Grief is a long journey. One counsellor told me it could take me 5 years before I accepted my new normal.

If you want to, maybe try counselling or joining a support group. I also find these websites helpful What's Your Grief and the Grief Healing Blog.

We all take it each day moment by moment. I try to keep that hope that I will eventually find my way again. I hope you will too. With lots of love and support from friends and family, I hope we will. Don't be afraid and let people know you need to talk. I'm the quiet type, but I'm learning. Slowly but surely.

Take care. Sending you all my thoughts and prayers.

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Dear Jean,

I am deeply sorry for your devastating loss.  It is a heartbreaking story and I am so sorry for what you have been through and continue to go through.  I hate that saying, time heals....  it takes time...  things will get better....  and you will be happy again....  When thats been said to me I feel like saying, you don't know anything.  You don't know if it will get better, you don't know if I'll be happy again.  

I can't imagine the trauma of finding your mom dead.  Coming home from school at 14.  I honestly can't imagine it.  I am a mess and I had my mother for 50 yrs.  Losing her so young is just beyond words.  Finding her.  Its not surprising you are suffering.  I can't offer you any help but I really feel you should seek professional help.  Grief counselling, therapy.  What you have been through so young is going to shape who you become in the world.  This is why its important to get help.  The grief, the loss will always be there but you need help and support now.  I am so sorry for what you have been going through.  

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CynthiaNichols

I can understand, I know the pain of losing someone I too lost my Grandmother. Everything was so sudden, it was very difficult for me to believe that she is no more.

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