Jump to content
Forum Conduct & Guidelines Document ×

Injured and lonely


cp9042

Recommended Posts

  • Members

On July 9 I had an injury which broke my humurus bone in my right arm.  Although I don't require surgery, I do have to stay home and not work for at least 12 weeks, until at least September.  Being at home alone has made the loneliness from my husband so much more apparent.  I miss him every day, and if he was here, he would be taking care of me.  Now no one is here to take care of me.  I have no family here and only one good friend but she works full time.  I never realized how lonely I really am.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

So sorry you had this accident. I pray that you will heal quickly. Lori always took care of me when I was sick. When I had my hernia surgeries she was there by my side and made sure I had everything I needed. She was my Florence Nightengale. I fear if I am put in your position. Not so much the physical part but the emotional part. Just another sad reminder of our new lives.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Moderators

CP9042

I broke my right elbow a few years ago and my husband was already gone by then.  It is quite a challenge living alone and having no one to carry in groceries, no one to pour the 40 lb. dogfood bag for you, no one to carry out the trash, bring groceries in, etc.  My heart goes out to you.  I've learned it can be done, just not as easily.  I learned to roll things from the cart to the trunk and from the trunk to the wheelbarrow.  I steered/pushed with my left arm and gently guided with my right.  Driving a stick shift was hard...and hurt.  I couldn't afford to rent an automatic during recovery.  I was only working one day a week at the time but I still drove to work, 100 miles/day.  I used to rest my arm on the icebag while I typed.  It slowed me down but I got it done.

I hope you heal quicker than they anticipate.  It is times like this we feel so very alone, so on our own, and can feel uncared about.  Right now it is my knees and shin and toes that are injured from a fall...I'd welcome the broken right elbow over this, I didn't have to walk on my elbow.  But if I've learned one thing through it all it's that we get by somehow, where there's a will there's a way.  I didn't even miss one day of walking my 140 lb. dog (Siberian Husky)!  He was good as long as I needed him to be and back to trying to pull once I was healed...almost as if he sensed the need to be extra good. :)

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

cp9042,  For those of us that are alone for the most part, it is far from easy. I am sorry about your injury. During this past winter, I didn't even go for walks on the snow packed slippery road, like I used to when my husband was here. Before, I knew that if I wasn't back within an hour, he would have come looking for me. Being alone gives you reason to pause and rethink about doing certain things where you might get hurt and have no one around to help. Hope you heal quickly!  (HUGS)

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Hope you have a speedy recovery.  I'm right there with you; I've retired so I have a l lot of time on my hands and mind to think about my Charles.  Loneliness is a topic that is very close to my heart because I have experienced that emptiness and the meaningless feelings so many times since I've lost my Charles.  At times, I feel every gripping moment of it.; long hours which seem like days, the lonely nights where I cry in silence, drenching my pillow with tears, the lack of desire to face the next day and wanting to be with my Charles.  Whether we like it or not, after losing someone so dear to us, we will no doubt feel a sense of loneliness, and many recover from their loneliness and learn to focus their attention to something else. However, others cannot and just find themselves falling much deeper into their loneliness until it turns into depression.  I think when we find ourselves  becoming lonelier by the day, it's time for us to do something. That's that the time we may want to see a psychologist or grief counselor to help you deal properly with whatever it is that causing our loneliness. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

I do feel for you, cp and hope your arm mends well.  Ill health and injuries make for very trying times when you've lost your partner - your main physical and emotional support and I agree, their absence is all the more apparent. With being so newly widowed, you may not have the desire, or concentration to read or watch movies to fill in the hours.  I'm thinking of my current situation (which I'll explain below) when I ask if you feel up to going out somewhere where you can be among other people,  ie a grief support group, a cafe or even time in a park, maybe? 

Being sick with a winter flu these past couple of weeks has brought home to me my aloneness. I'm not a social butterfly at the best of times but I noticed after just one week of not having gone anywhere, visited anyone or had anyone visit me, that when I did go out, I felt self-conscious in my grief, and so alone, initially.  Naturally, I don't wish to pass my bott on to friends, and they sure don't want it!  

Injured limbs make even simple tasks hard work.  I was to have my left wrist fused a year ago but I've postponed doing so as I'm just not in the right headspace yet to deal with the long, painful recovery and the many follow up appts in the city with the surgeon & xrays.  My late hubby had recently retired when I had my right one done two years ago, and although he struggled with the cooking, he was hugely supportive.  

Ouch KayC !  I hope your injuries are healing well.  Yes, we do have to get creative to get things done.  And as KMB said, we need to be more careful now.  Ice on pavers under my clothes line nearly got me recently.  I have had a badly broken leg and wouldn't want another!  

My thoughts are with you cp. These new lives foisted upon us are far from easy.   Be kind to yourself with as much self pampering as possible. XX

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Thank you all so much for your support.  I will try to get out a bit more if I can.  I wanted to get out to the patio today, but it looks like rain, so I may not be able to do so.  It means a lot to me that people here understand what I am going through and I can talk to you.  I dont feel so alone that way. Thank you, and God Bless all of you.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Moderators

I hope it gets easier for you.  Do you have any support system, anyone who can check on you and help you with anything?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

I understand completely. After my mom passed there was absolutely no one who would have known if I was dead or alive. If my car were to break down, no one to call. If I got sick I only had me to still run daily life. I had no safety net.

Then Bev came along. Even before we became a "we" I knew if I needed anything she would be here for me. If I was sick she would help. I felt a peace having that safety net back. 

And now it's gone again. I even mentioned it to one friend and she assured me that she would check on me daily. That lasted all of 2 weeks. 

So yeah, we may be surrounded by millions, but we're still alone. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

I have one friend i can call on in emergency.  But for most everything I am alone.  I am moving to California next year to be near my sons and niece.  At least there I will be close to them.  But that in itself is hard leaving everything I had here with my husband.  We didn't have a house, but everywhere around I look, I see him there.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members
55 minutes ago, SweetBear said:

And now it's gone again. I even mentioned it to one friend and she assured me that she would check on me daily. That lasted all of 2 weeks. 

So yeah, we may be surrounded by millions, but we're still alone. 

It is saddening that when we suffer a tragedy, that is when we find out who our real friends are. There were so many that told me they would call, stop in to check on me, be there for me if I need anything. That lasted maybe the first 2 weeks or so also. I would be the one to have to reach out and make contact. After a month, they had moved on and the insensitive comments were heard. I don't know anyone in the family or friends that lost a spouse. There were friends that are older than either I or my husband. They still have their spouse. Why don't I have mine? This life is messed up and unfair.

 

26 minutes ago, cp9042 said:

everywhere around I look, I see him there.

I still look for my husband everywhere. I even cry and call out to him, "where are you"?. Nothing.

it is good that you will be moving to be closer to your sons and niece. it is wise not to make major changes for awhile. Maybe next year you will have more peace in your mind and heart.:wub:

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Moderators

cp9042, 

It will be hard leaving the area, everything you knew together, but I'm glad you have someone to go to.  I had a dream this morning that I had to evacuate, I have a super-size dog and a 21 year old cat that doesn't adapt well to others...and nowhere to go.  I can't go to my kids or sisters, there is nowhere.  I didn't get back to sleep.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Moderators

SweetBear,

I do know how you feel, I don't have a support system either, no one that checks on me regularly.  It's scary being this alone.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members
11 hours ago, KayC said:

 I didn't get back to sleep.

If I had a dream like that, I wouldn't be able to to go back to sleep either. It would be on my mind if it was an omen of some kind. Good thing some dreams do not become reality!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

×
×
  • Create New...

Important Information

This site uses cookies We have placed cookies on your device to help make this website better. You can adjust your cookie settings, otherwise we'll assume you're okay to continue. and uses these terms of services Terms of Use.