New here... My Story of Loss of both parents in 6 weeks

[jhorn70]

Well, here I am.  I don't really know what to say other than to tell my story.  I am a 33 year old male only child who lives in Dallas, Tx.  I am not married, nor do I have any kids.  At the beginning of this year things were going pretty well.  I was working on a tough project at work, but doing ok.  On January 28th, all that began to change.  Little did I know it would be the beginning of the most difficult trial of my life so far. 

On January 28th, I remember sitting at lunch with my coworkers and getting a call from one of my mom's close friends.  She said, "There is something wrong with your mother and I am afraid for her.  She hasn't been herself lately and I think you need to get her to the doctor".  My mom had been complaining about feeling down and not having much energy for the last month or so and the doctor had told her she was anemic.  My mother's friend had also noticed that she wasn't speaking correctly and wasn't able to remember things well.  So I head to my parents house.  I get there and talk to my Dad who hasn't been in good health for a while.  I remember him thinking I would be able to get her to go to the hospital.  I walk in her room and say, "Mom, get up, I am taking you to the hospital."  She didn't resist.  We got to the hospital and they said she had a high ammonia level that was causing her issues.  I pleaded with them to admit her and they finally gave in.  They never really us anything else to work with other than the high ammonia levels.  Surprisingly to us they released her on Sunday and I had to rush to my parents and get her meds ready for her to take.  She was still confused, couldn't figure out how to take her meds. 

We had some family come in and help her for a few days.  On Thursday morning I got the call from one of my cousins that said, "They can't wake your Mom up."  I talked to the family who was helping out and headed to the ER to meet my Mom there.  She had a blood sugar level of 12 and had fell into a deep diabetic coma.  They moved her into the ICU and I thought she wasn't going to make it through the first night.  The first few days in ICU the nurses tried to remain positive, but you could tell the doctors weren't that positive about the outcome.  After they performed an EEG and an MRI they introduced us to the Palliative Care team and started talking about what was next.  The Palliative Care team is never a good thing, what it basically means is they believe that the patient is terminal and they are there to work the family through the decisions that need to be made.   The most hope they gave us was that she would be on a feeding tube and a ventilator for the rest of her life and we knew that my mom wouldn't want that.  So we moved her into hospice.  She lasted 3 weeks and I was with her when she passed away.  She died on March 7th 2010.  My mom was 63.  My mom's funeral was very nice and my Dad and I made it through it OK.

My Dad has been in poor health for a while, but nothing life threatening.  At least that is what his doctors said.  He drank a lot in retirement unlike before he retired, but was generally good natured and tried to do the right thing.  He was obese and had a hard time walking distances without getting tired.  He had been through a lot since he retired, first his back kept him from playing golf, then his drinking got bad probably due to depression, next he broke his ankle and put on about 100 lbs, thats when his breathing got real bad.  He seemed to be dealing with my mother's death pretty well.  When I was around he was upbeat and really wanted to continue to live independently.  We originally hired a home health company to come in and see to his needs, but after about 4 weeks he decided he wanted a family friend to tend to him.  This family friend had been helping my parents with odd jobs around the house for years and really loved my parents.  They would come around and make sure his meds were taken care of, he was fed, his clothes washed and anything else that needed to be done around the house. 

On April 20th, I got the call from him where he said, “I think your dad is dead.  He isn’t breathing and seems really pale.”  I told him to call 911 and headed to the house again.  On the way he called me and said that the paramedics said he had been dead a while.  I called my cousin and he told me he would fly in from San Antonio.  I was in total shock.  Just 6 weeks after my mother died my father is dead too.   We had his memorial service on Saturday.  It was a very good service with more people than the chapel would hold.  My father was an educator and loved to help people.  Even though his retirement wasn’t good for him, his character shined through, and I know he touched the lives of many people.  My father was 65.

So this all leaves me here alone in the world, or at least alone from a direct family perspective.  I think as an only child it is very tough to lose both of your parents.  It is almost as if the constant connections to 26 years of my life are now gone.  I have been to my parents house multiple times, but don’t like to stay there long.  It is like a living monument to them and the life that I had there growing up.  For the most part I am taking it OK.   I sleep a lot, but try to keep busy as best I can.  I can tell that this is going to be one of the hardest things I have ever had to deal with in my life.  I also know that this will give me a new perspective on my life and the ability to eventually pursue some of the things I would have otherwise not been able to.  That is for down the road though.  Right now I am sad and scared about the future.  My safety net is gone. 

I am greatful to my parents for raising me well, they have always been proud of me and supported me no matter what bone headed mistake I have made.  I don’t know really where to go from here.  I see a counselor regularly that helps.  I know in the long term I need to figure out how to move forward and make some good out of all of this, but I know it will take a lot of time.

 

[agnaq111809]

My deepest condolensces to you in your recent loss of both of your parents.  You will be in my prayers and thoughts.  I lost my mother to cancer last November, just when the sun was going under the horizon till Jan. 23.  It was a dark season indeed, without my mom during the holidays.  As time passed, so did my going out to the grave in the coldest blizzardy condition get lesser and lesser.  I have not been at her grave for almost two months.  This place/forum is what got me through, to know that I was not alone.  There were many similar mothers who died to lung cancer and even though that is not a very good 'thing' to talk about, it is healing to know that one was not alone in going through a similar situation. 

I cannot imagine as to losing both parents within a short amount of time; however, I have seen that happen in my hometown way up here in Alaska.  In a way, I did lose both 'parents' when my mom passed away.  She was my mother as well as father all my life.  My father had been lost to the sea a month before I was born.  Thanks for going online and sharing your story.  You are not alone.  God be with you.

 

[silver38]

i too lost both parents when my mom past on and i to lost my safety net i know how you feel some what - just take it one hour at  a time or one day at a time dont plan anything in the future - thats what i learned the hard way - when my mom past on i got rid of a lot of stuff - things i wish i hadnt had later - and some other decisions to.

so take your time dont get rid of any of their things yet and take it slow.

i lost my mom in 07 and still hurt very much so and miss her a lot. I pray to Jesus to take the pain from me and he does.  hugs

ps dont make any big plans either for awhile until you are settled down and feel a little more normal again, for me that is still in the process after 2-3 years now.

[Kelly]

Dear Members,

We are excited to mention that we are moving to a more new and improved message boards on MONDAY MORNING AUGUST 9th! The boards will be done for a few hours while we are making the conversation. Remember we posted information about this move a month ago. For some of you this might seem a bit sudden,  but when we were reviewing the site we determined the current message board you are using is out of date and the company that designed it is no longer in existence. The good news is this new message board will have new features that have been requested in the past like more fields we can add to your profiles and a chat room up to 20 people at one time. If we find the chat room is bursting at the seams we will add additional room for extra people. All your old posts, private messages and such will be migrated to the new message board. You might have to put up your profile picture again but not sure. The new company will be doing the migration for us. Here is a short list of some of the new features on the board:

- Custom Profile Fields- Users can customize their profile pages by selecting a background color or background image, with tiling options.- Facebook and Twitter Integration- users can respond to multiple posts at once with "mini-quote"- Pinned discussion threads - like welcome to our board etc.- Announcements made across some boards or the entire message board- Search: Users can easily find all content generated by a particular member, by clicking the 'Find Content' button that appears on the main profile page, or in the Mini Profile Popup which can be accessed throughout the board. The results page allows content to be filtered by application, as well whether the member created it or merely participated in it. - Privacy: allows users to sign in anonymously, hiding them from the online users list. Users also have the option to disable personal conversations and user-to-user emails, as well as ignore other users if necessary.

The next exciting piece of news about the new message board is it will have a new domain name of www.grieving.com for search engine optimization purposes. It will still be apart of Beyond Indigo and can be found through www.beyondindigo.com. We will be redirecting your current URL's to this new domain name but we might miss a few. If that is the case simply go back to www.grieving.com or www.beyondindigo.com to find your message board thread. We will try to make the transition as seamless as possible. 

The bottom line is the new board will give us room to grow our community and more options to interact better with each other. 

If you have any questions please direct them to feedback@beyondindigo.com. 

Kelly Baltzell, MACEO/PresidentBeyond Indigo Family