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Littlesister28

I lost the most important man in my life, my brother.

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4 weeks and 2 days ago I lost my brother Angelo. He was 33 I am 21. His death was very sudden. My cousin and I were the last to see him before he died and I honestly feel like I died that day with him. I do have another brother but Angelo was like my best friend my father than my brother. His death is still being investigated but I don't know how much more I can take. I cry everyday anytime I catch myself smiling it goes away just as fast as it came. He is gone. My heart is gone and I don't think I can handle this too much longer. I know I will never be ok and to know 4 , 6 , 8 years from now it is still going to hurt so bad what do I do?? I think about dying everyday just so I could be in his presence again. I miss him so much and my heart just hearts I'm never going to be happy without him I'm so mad but I don't even have someone to be mad at because as of now we don't even know what really happened. But I feel like I can't take it anymore I don't have genuine motivation to continue college or anything I'm mad as hell and I am hurting. 

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Dear littlesister28,

I am so very sorry for your loss.  Devastating shock.  The shock is going to last a while.  It is so hard to absorb.  I know it feels not real.

I lost someone that was killed more than 20 yrs ago.  The shock of one minute you are talking to them, the next they've gone forever is the hardest thing to absorb.  I am so very sorry for you.  I will not say anything encouraging like, it gets better, time heals, etc..  Its offensive when people say those things.  All I can say to you is I am sorry you are going through this.  Get up every day.  Go through the motions.  Have a routine.  The loss will always be there.  I am so sorry you lost him at your age.  Talk to the closest person in your life who is there now so you can get through each day.

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Thank you for being honest because I feel everyone around me keeps saying with time you'll be better etc. and I know that's not true. I have a routine but I feel so empty with everything I do. You are right the shock really has me unsettled to see him then he's gone forever after that. Hurts even more because the last time I hugged him... he hugged me so tight I can almost feel it when I think hard about it. I keep wondering if he knew he was going to die. 

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Dear Littlesister28,

I'm so sorry for your loss. I know the pain and sorrow is deep.  I hope you can lean on friends and family during this difficult time. If you feel like it, try grief counselling or a support group. I know its not easy. We all badly want to turn back time. The world is horribly unfair.

Thinking of you. Sending all my thoughts and prayers.

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