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sadandlost

depression

3 posts in this topic

There hasn't been a day I haven't cried in 6 months.  Last year was so filled with anxiety as my mothers Alzheimer's progressed.  Her family turned against me as they demanded I give up my life and be a full time carer.  I could only do what  I could do which was constant commuting and 50% of the care.  They refused carers.  Then at the end of the year my mother died of something else.  My mother was pure goodness and now I feel so lost.  I feel like there is no goodness left in my life.  Whatever age you are when you loose your mother its like suddenly you are a lost child.  I was so close to my mother.   Last year I hoped she would pass so her life would not deteriorate more and suffer the enormous loss of dignity she went through.  Now she is gone, the loss is so beyond what I imagined.  Her family still controlling everything... 

I feel stuck, unable to enjoy anything, unable to talk to anyone.  If anyone read my loss of friendship post, I lost my best friend after my mother died.  No, She didn't die.  She just dumped me.  How does one get through it all?  Is one day just a bit better?  Or is it a life time of sadness and depression?  All I want is to escape myself and my own darkness.

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Dear sadandlost,

I know its tough. Until that moment that death happens, how could any of us know how we would feel. It is horribly shocking and difficult to accept.

You did what you could for your mom. There are not right or wrong decisions only different ones.

I'm sorry to hear what happened with your best friend. I know this only adds to the pain.

Try to take things moment to moment for now. Its almost been 10 months since my father passed and I still struggle with this loss. I'm not sure what to do with myself. Or how to stop feeling sad and lost some days. I try different things and yet I go back to the last year of his life like it was yesterday.

Thinking of you.  Take care my friend.

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Thank you for your thoughtful reply.   I am sorry for your loss.   Life is tough.  Take care too.

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