When were you able to talk to a therapist?

[Donna7431]

I am going through the guilt, would have, could have, why didn't I see it...you all know. The grief remains a roller coaster, certainly not as constant as it was in the very beginning. Yet I still remain in shock. I still think this could be a nightmare and I will wake up....part of the denial stage, I suppose. A couple friends have suggested I see a grief therapist. I just don't want to talk to anyone yet. I feel it is still too tender for me to verbalize to a stranger. Any suggestions? Have most of you who have seen a therapist did it early on or wait until the trauma and shock settles? 

[Azipod]

Hi Donna,

I lost my wife exactly 3 weeks ago today.  I went to a grief counselor as soon as I got home (my wife passed while we were in vacation in Europe).  I even began psycho therapy even before the funeral.

I still feel terrible.  But the therapy has helped me.  I am by no way feeling great but it has been more helpful than not.  I know I have yet to experience all the pains to my loss but I'm still greatful that I found the strength to go out and seek the help that I need.

Im also looking into joining a few grief support groups and some classes that's in my community.

If you work for a large organization they may offer counseling at no cost.  It's usually called Employee Assistance Program.  You can also check with your health insurance for coverage.

Inhope this information helps.

[KMB]

Donna, ,First, I am so sorry we are all in this grief club here. Around the 6th or 7nth, month mark, give or take, depending on the person, is when total reality sets in. Shock and denial fade away and the full force of our nightmare kicks in.  This process is so unique for everyone. I attended my first grief support meeting after about 2 months. I have very little support in the way of family or friends and I benefited from being among others who experienced loss and just getting away from the house.  I live in an area of country living isolation and considered myself fortunate to have at least that venue of support. There are no grief counselors/therapists in my area. I went through the burden of guilt phase during the early months. It takes a lot of effort to stop thinking that way. We wish so much to have been able to change the outcome, but we cannot go back in time. We were living in the moment and going with the knowledge we had at the time or just going about our usual daily grind when our loved ones passed, per our circumstances at the time. As humans, we feel that sense of responsibility that we could have, should have, saved them. We were not able to and it is hard to get past that.

I would suggest in seeing a professional when you feel it is time and you are comfortable, a little more at ease, in talking to someone. There are no time frames or rules for this. We have to follow our own path and take our time through the process, which, for most of us, will be the rest of our lives. We will always love and miss our partners.  (HUGS)

[Francine]

8 hours ago, Donna7431 said:

I am going through the guilt, would have, could have, why didn't I see it...you all know. The grief remains a roller coaster, certainly not as constant as it was in the very beginning. Yet I still remain in shock. I still think this could be a nightmare and I will wake up....part of the denial stage, I suppose. A couple friends have suggested I see a grief therapist. I just don't want to talk to anyone yet. I feel it is still too tender for me to verbalize to a stranger. Any suggestions? Have most of you who have seen a therapist did it early on or wait until the trauma and shock settles? 

In the beginning, I didn't think I needed to go to a therapist and like you didn't want to communicate to a perfect stranger my thoughts and feelings - to me, that was just too private.  My daughter strongly suggested I see one, so I agreed.  This person was simply the worst - I thought, oh my God, why am I here;  never again, this was it.  My daughter felt very bad and ask that I not let this one bad experience, deter me from perhaps seeing someone else.  Reluctantly, I agreed and saw another person.  Best thing I could have done for myself.  He was a God-send, and truly helped me get though this journey.  I saw him for 6 months and unfortunately my insurance changed and did not cover the services.  If the insurance had, I'd still be going to see him. While I don't claim to be completely healed, and not where I'm aiming to be; I'm certainly not where I was before going to him.   I also belong to and attend a grief group counseling through a local church that meets once a month.  Just knowing you are not alone in your journey and are getting the support from others in the group experiencing the same loss as you is very comforting and uplifting.  Personally, I strongly recommend it; what's is there to lose?  It may be difficult at first, but anything that helps you in getting through this and adds to the person you want to be is certainly worth the try.  My prayers are with you.

[Autocharge]

11 hours ago, Donna7431 said:

I am going through the guilt, would have, could have, why didn't I see it...you all know. The grief remains a roller coaster, certainly not as constant as it was in the very beginning. Yet I still remain in shock. I still think this could be a nightmare and I will wake up....part of the denial stage, I suppose. A couple friends have suggested I see a grief therapist. I just don't want to talk to anyone yet. I feel it is still too tender for me to verbalize to a stranger. Any suggestions? Have most of you who have seen a therapist did it early on or wait until the trauma and shock settles? 

Donna7431, 

I have concerns with me seeing a psychologist. You see I’v worked in the defence industry where they do background checks for security clearances. Their are lots of reasons why someone can't get a clearance or a job because of one's medical record. “Mental illness” is a big time disqualifier. I wish it wasn't so. I’m a believer in the fact that I don't know everything and am open to experiences and thought. But one bad mark on your record and that's it , it’s over. You'll never work in this field again(or law enforcement).

just something to think about.

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[KayC]

Donna,

I started seeing a counselor right away but not all are the same or equal.  Make sure it's one that specializes in grief and if you aren't feeling helped by it after three sessions, consider switching to a different one.  A grief counselor is not the same as seeing a "therapist" nor should it be viewed the same on a job record, it's not like we're mental or something.  Grief IS a natural order of life/death and it's normal to want to learn how to deal with it.

[Nicash]

Donna,

For me, I contacted a grief counselor immediately (like the day after my partner had passed away) because I had experienced loss of a friend before, and had very little support and it took me a longgg time to process through that grief (we're talking 3 years) in a healthy manner. So for me, doing this immediately was very helpful and continues to be helpful. It's important to have a connection with your counselor as not all are created equal and you won't always click with the first one right off the bat. Do what you feel is best. Best of luck