Jump to content
Forum Conduct & Guidelines Document ×

I lost my best friend, life companion and the love of my life


deprenon

Recommended Posts

  • Members

A week ago me and my fiance had to put down our sweet 16 year old cat. She was my best friend, companion and truly the love of my life. Everyday she was so happy and kind towards us. She was always there for me, through tough times and in good times. She used to hop up on our bed and wanted to lie on my pillow with me. She came in during the night to wake us up if she wanted food or just to cuddle. Every noise she made was so comforting and heart warming. I use to talk to her when she and I were alone in the house. I asked here what she wanted to eat, and she picked out her food for the day. I watched her sleep, eat, fight with other cats in the neigborhood (trying to break it up), cuddle, drink and even go to the toilet. For so many years i did this, and i feel such a emptiness inside me now. She is gone. After 16 years on this planet. She was my everything. 

She had been sick for a while, starting around 2 years ago. The problems keept piling on, and 2-3 mounts ago we got the devastating news that she had cancer. After hearing the news, i got a panic attack, i could not breath, i got cold chills and sweat and i almost passed out as the vet told us. 

We decided it was time when she was in pain and i love her so much that i did not want her to be in any discomfort or pain. I hope we did not wait to long. The day we had her put down, was the worst day of my life. Several days before i panicked and felt very scared. Did we do the right thing? The actual part were she died was very traumatic for me. Watching the life go out in her eyes as i cried so hard, i told her i loved her so many times and held her. 

The silence after it was done was deafening. I panicked and could not breath, i was sure i was never going to be the same ever again. It is the worst thing i have ever seen. 

The next days were the hardest days of my life, i was so depressed and i could not stop crying. I felt like i had done something wrong. I question everything that lead up to the decision of putting her down. 

As i write this, i am feeling numb. I have not cried in a few days, but i feel this overwhelming deppresion. She is gone. I can't breath when i think that i will never see her again. Never touch her, never cuddle, never talk to her again. 

I visit her grave every day. Today i put some fresh flowers on her grave. I just feel numb. Nothing helps. 

I have tried to get back to my hobbies, but its not the same. Im not interested. 

Me and my fiance are broken. We did everything we could and cared for her so much. 

I lost my best friend, life companion and the love of my life. I miss her more than words can express. I can't believe that this is how life is. You loose your loved ones, and you are suppose to move on without them. I think that life is fucked. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

My dear sweet friend, girl.... I definitely,truly understand what exactly you're going through right now!!!!! It's been a month and a half on the 22nd that my cat/son passed away of cancer at the age of 16 years old....same age as your baby on June 22, 2017. I felt and still feel those devastating feelings when I put our baby down, but rest assured my friend .....that you and I myself did the most greatest, humanly, lovable act known to mankind to put our precious and innocent babies to a peaceful journey of rest. Yes, I wanted to keep Rex here ,but to see him slowly declining and dying before our eyes was enough for me and his sister-my daughter to let him go. There were times like yourself I cried many times a night and days that I felt so empty without my boy!!! But I can tell you dear that you and your fiancé are going to get through this !!! This I promise you....didn't say that it will be easy cause it's not, but you will get through by praying and talking to people like us here to keep your heads afloat :-). Please , if you may...to mourn for your baby, cry for your baby, keep memories going on about your baby, ...as much as you can allow ,cause this will help you during your time of bereavement . You will get better and you will get back to what you've been doing even though it's empty....knowing your baby and my baby are up there over the "rainbow bridge" no more in pain and suffering and they are just frolicking with the other fur babies with their heavenly wings do what they all do best......being "angels". I am here if you need to talk to when times are hard for you guys...be strong my friend....you're not alone. God bless you and your fiancé !!!!IMG_0185.thumb.JPG.ad22b03832c954f04abb59a0c1913d15.JPGMy fur baby....Rex!!!!!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Moderators

I am so sorry you lost your cat.  I lost my 19 year old cat to cancer 11 years ago and I still miss him.  It's very hard making that decision, but it comes from the love and kindness of your heart to want to spare your cat the pain and suffering...yes, you did the right thing.  I wish I could have had mine euthanized a month sooner, it would have spared him a lot of suffering, but he was misdiagnosed at the weekend vet I took him to.  By the time my own vet diagnosed him, he'd suffered needlessly. :(

I hope these articles will help.  Guilt is a common part of grief, but that doesn't mean it's deserved.  We do our best, we love our animals.
http://media.wix.com/ugd/0dd4a5_e934e7f92d104d31bcb334d6c6d63974.pdf

http://www.pet-loss.net/guilt.shtml

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members
18 hours ago, deprenon said:

I visit her grave every day. Today i put some fresh flowers on her grave. I just feel numb. Nothing helps. 

I have tried to get back to my hobbies, but its not the same. Im not interested. 

Me and my fiance are broken. We did everything we could and cared for her so much.

I'm sorry about your loss ...

 

These three sentence are the core of your grief I think. You did everything you could and that means you reached a limit. We're only human and can only do so much to help our pets. That doesn't mean you failed ...

 

People told me to go back to my hobbies too. And I know how you feel ... my heart just wasn't in it. But it does keep you from getting overwhelmed by all the sadness. Of course you break down and cry, but then you soldier on ... it's all part of the process.

 

I see that you have made a grave and visit that. I started to put some marble stones on the grave of my cat. Every day when I wake up, I go to the grave and put one stone on it and take a picture of it. Maybe make an animated GIF of it someday ... who knows. But it's a little ritual to let go of my sadness ... one stone per day. Maybe you can do something similar ...

20170707_215113.jpg

20170713_103811.jpg

20170720_091758.jpg

Day one, day seven and today: If you look closely you can see how the little tree is growing (look at the light green on the branches) ... a circle of life: old life giving new life a chance ...

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Simply beautiful!!!!!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Moderators

Beautiful tribute!  You've done a great job, thank you for sharing this with us.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Thank you for your kind words. It is now 2 weeks ago that we lost our beloved friend. Me an my girlfriend have been doing better, but its was a very hard day for me today. Every wednesday my heart ackes more than usual. Sometimes i feel like i should man up more, but i have always loved animals and i feel great compasion for them. I prefer animals over people, because an animal won't hurt or do anything without reason. 

I havent cried in over a week. I looked at some picutres of her today, and i started crying like it just happend. I feel this emptiness inside, and it has not gone away. I miss her so much. Every talk we had, every meal we shared, the way she looked at me and gave me reasurring blink. She was a vocal cat, and was not shy about what she wanted. My house seems so wierd without her. 

We have started to put small white pearl pebbles on her grave, and it looks really nice. I am going to buy some new flowers soon for her, she deserves that. I hope she know that i love her more than everything. Watching her go was the hardest thing i have ever done in my life, and i have been in the army. The pain is crushing. 

She will always be with me, in my heart and soul.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Moderators
10 hours ago, deprenon said:

I prefer animals over people

I do too, of course!  Animals aren't pretentious or back-stabbing, what you see is what you get, they seem guileless, loving, enjoyable!

It takes a while to process death and even then, we miss them.  I lost my cat, Miss Mocha, over a year ago and I still miss her so much, although I seldom cry now.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

I totally agree with the both of you guys!!!! I rather be around animals than people too!!! You wouldn't have to deal with"people" issues that we're dealing with today!!!! 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

×
×
  • Create New...

Important Information

This site uses cookies We have placed cookies on your device to help make this website better. You can adjust your cookie settings, otherwise we'll assume you're okay to continue. and uses these terms of services Terms of Use.