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csjb79

Mom died, spiraling out of control

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My mom  died last December. It was sudden and totally unexpected. As she was diagnosed with lung cancer and passed within 3 weeks. She lived in another state and she and our family kept her illness from me to "spare me the grief and pain". I think theyr'e jerks. To understand this you'd have to know my mom and our families past. Honestly I don't understand it. Around the time she was diagnosed she left me a 2 and a half minute voicemail basically telling me to get lost and "f" off. It hurt. From out of nowhere. I didn't call back because I was hurt and angry. I figured I give it time as she had also battled mental illness during her life and she has behaved this way my entire life. I never thought that we be the last time I heard her voice. No closure, just anger and pain.

I am very very very angry. I lash out often.. As soon as I open my eyes I'm pissed off. Anxiety, anger, sadness never ends. I left my job in May. Sounds dumb but I don't regret that decision it was self preservation. My wife really doesn't care anymore, in a way I don't blame her.. I go into angry rants and who wants to be around that. I black out and feel like the floor has been pulled out from under me. The both of us are seriously talking about divorce. We were so in Love. I have not seen her smile in months. We do nothing together. etc. this is so difficult for my wife. I really wouldn't blame her if she left me.

I go to therapy weekly and vent and try to process it to work through it. I've been in therapy before this happened. Too many issues in my life. I have good days and bad. Really bad. I'm not sure what this post will bring me. I know its good to get it out.

Thanks

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I'm very sorry for your loss and all your pain and sorrow. I know its an extremely difficult time. Families are tough. Its been 9 months and I am still struggling.

Please know you are not alone. Anger is a normal part of grief. Glad you have your therapist to talk to. But also know there are other resources in the community and through church. Maybe a support group would also help. I also find these websites helpful:

What's Your Grief

The Grief Healing Blog

The Grief Recovery Method

Griefshare.Org.

Take care and please know we are all here to listen.

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