GhostofLight

I Used To Love Dogs

5 posts in this topic

I had a dream.  A dog came to visit me.

Not just any dog.  A dog I owned with my late husband.

He was so happy to see me.  Tail wagging.  Eyes welcoming.

I sent him away.  Yelled at him, "Get out!"

 

He was confused, but did as he was told.

The symbolism is pretty clear... I was sending away God.  The worst part is, I truly meant it.

 

But, yeah, it's weird.  Ever since that dream I don't really like dogs anymore.  Grief changes you.

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god now seems like a selfish and despot being, in my pain I think is "normal". We prayed, and begged "Him" to save our loved one, I always wonder: Mario was so loved, I love him with every piece of me, all I wanted in my life was making him happy, he had a lovely family and he never harmed no one, why he? there are a thousand people out there, killing, raping, and they are still here, why?

What I see is that there is not in between, you go away or you get so close with god. Last time I talked to "Him", I told him: I dont who you are or what do you want or if you are real, if you are real and you are listening to me, you are selfish, and the first time you gave something worth fighting for you took him away, dont come at me saying there is something "better" or "I'm strong enough to carry this", cauze I'm not strong and I didnt want "better" all I wanted was a life with Mario.

For me dreams are door to other dimensions, we understand things through dreams. Grief changes us, because we died with our love one, but we are forced to stay here all alone, so is like start again, live in death.  

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11 hours ago, GhostofLight said:

the symbolism is pretty clear... I was sending away God.  The worst part is, I truly meant it.     But, yeah, it's weird.  Ever since that dream I don't really like dogs anymore.  Grief changes you.

 

Perhaps you were sending God away and meant it, but the good thing is I know I have a forgiving and Loving God and HE knows my grief and pain; after all, scripture tells us Jesus wept (John 11:35) but HE never complained.   God didn't promise HE would take away our pain and discomfort, HE said HE would be right there with us when it happens.  Grief does change us; the pain sculpts us into understanding more deeply; hurt more often; appreciate more quickly; cry more easily; hope more desperately; and love more openly.

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11 hours ago, Ka9219 said:

god now seems like a selfish and despot being, in my pain I think is "normal". We prayed, and begged "Him" to save our loved one, I always wonder: Mario was so loved, I love him with every piece of me, all I wanted in my life was making him happy, he had a lovely family and he never harmed no one, why he? there are a thousand people out there, killing, raping, and they are still here, why?

What I see is that there is not in between, you go away or you get so close with god. Last time I talked to "Him", I told him: I dont who you are or what do you want or if you are real, if you are real and you are listening to me, you are selfish, and the first time you gave something worth fighting for you took him away, dont come at me saying there is something "better" or "I'm strong enough to carry this", cauze I'm not strong and I didnt want "better" all I wanted was a life with Mario.

For me dreams are door to other dimensions, we understand things through dreams. Grief changes us, because we died with our love one, but we are forced to stay here ll alone, so is like start again, live in death.  

I thought like you and was very angry with God for taking a really good man in my Charles.  A good husband, a fantastic father, a remarkable grandfather; good friend, brother etc etc etc.  I didn't want to hear all those things that people would say, you know, phrases like  *God loves you* or *God has something better in stored* for you  - yeah right, *yadda*, *yadda*, *yadda*.  I questioned how could a God who loved me so much and wanted me to be happy, allow this to happen - and literally make me the most saddest person alive.  At a group counseling session this past Saturday, I had an opportunity to meet with one of the coordinators and she shed some light on my situation.   She told me that my Charles was not *mine*, he was merely on lone from God.  God allowed him to be with me for 45 years and that was longer than a lot have had.  She told me that God wanted him back and took him; not to hurt me, but because his task was complete.  Our Creator loves us and has a plan for each of us to complete. All people have a purpose, no matter how insignificant our human minds might think it is. We are to love our God above all things, more than ourselves, our spouse, sons, daughters, or anyone else. We must trust HIM in all things, including the time each of us is given here on earth. Only our Heavenly Father knows what HE has planned for us to do in this world, and the proper time to call us home. 

For us Christians, we know the reality of Heaven. The Kingdom of God is so glorious it is beyond our human imagination. In Heaven we are all covered by our God’s love and peace, we can triumphantly worship our Heavenly Father.  And there is no more sin, no more pain or suffering. We will be in the companionship of all of our brothers and sisters who have been called home, as we await loved ones who will soon be joining us in Paradise. There is no greater place to live than in Heaven - thank God!!!

The last thing we should remember is we are to love others as Christ loved us. Though the pain of missing those who Jesus has called home might seem unbearable, Christian love dictates we should want what is best for our loved ones, our spouses, children, friends, and all people. And the greatest place for anyone to be, regardless of their age, regardless of their status in life, is in Heaven with our Lord. Knowing that someday when our work is completed on earth, through the grace of Jesus Christ, we to will join all our loved ones in Heaven.  

I pray that God brings you though this pain and that you find peace - You are in my prayers.

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I also felt anger towards God for a while, but at about a year I realized He had been with me throughout everything.  I don't think God "took" my husband, I think a heart attack did.  Maybe George contributed by not eating perfect before he met me, maybe he contributed by the stress he'd endured, but I can't blame him, I'm no different, none of us are perfect.  Some of it is just the genes we inherit.  Some of it seems to be an out of kilter world we live in.  

I don't think anything could make me hate dogs, my dog is the joy in my life now, but I understand we all grieve differently.  I'm sorry you're going through such a horrid place.

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