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blg1995

Going to his "graduation"

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Whether they respond or not, I hope you do go.  It's not always easy to predict or understand family response or lack of it.  I hope you do what you need to do for YOU regardless of their reaction.   I didn't get response or support or contact from George's family after he died.  We do what we need to do for us, with or without them.  Good luck to you, and congrats on his recognition!

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I'll call them, when Mario died I told my brothers in law that I needed them, I can't do this on my own, as you said, family is supporting but we need that contact with the people who loss the same person. So just grab the phone and call his mother, she will be in deep pain, but so are you, so don't be afraid of telling them that you need their support and you need an answer.

If I were you I'll be losing my mind as well, it is not irrational. 

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It seems so wrong that you not be able to attend, you were the most important person in his world.  Have you contacted the university and told them of the situation?  Maybe they could give you a ticket, you should be their honorary guest!

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blg1995, I hope the day goes well for you. Even if you cannot be at the graduation itself, just being there outside of the venue will bring you comfort. Sam will be there in spirit and he will know you are there for him. Follow your heart and do what you need to do for yourself. Sam earned the certificate with your love, support and help. If his family does not respond to you favorably, it is on them for not acknowledging you as a huge part of Sam's life and his accomplishment. That will be a shame they might regret someday.

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53 minutes ago, blg1995 said:

but I hate feeling like I've done something wrong and have been cut out. 

You have done nothing wrong! You love Sam. The both of you knew your relationship, and that is what matters. It is possible that his family is so overwhelmed with their grieving, that they are emotionally unable to include you. They might be holding their grieving within family only and I know how much that hurts you to not be included. There are many of us here that have ended up, having for the most part having not much or no support system. All due to life's situations or circumstances surrounding our loss. My heart aches for you and your pain in doing your grieving in not the way it should be, with love and support from both sides. I hope Sam's mom does respond to you kindly and with empathy.  (HUGS)

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On 16/07/2017 at 5:52 PM, KMB said:

You have done nothing wrong! You love Sam. The both of you knew your relationship, and that is what matters. It is possible that his family is so overwhelmed with their grieving, that they are emotionally unable to include you. They might be holding their grieving within family only and I know how much that hurts you to not be included. There are many of us here that have ended up, having for the most part having not much or no support system. All due to life's situations or circumstances surrounding our loss. My heart aches for you and your pain in doing your grieving in not the way it should be, with love and support from both sides. I hope Sam's mom does respond to you kindly and with empathy.  (HUGS) she 

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blg1995, Please, do not put too much or any thought in what others tell you is right or wrong. Always listen to your heart. Personally, I do not think you overstepped in your desire to be included. You were a part of Sam's life, his family knows that fact, and I am deeply sorry that they are not reacting in a more empathetic manner towards you. People are what they are, and sometimes the pain of loss can bring out the worst in people.  Even if it means staying alone outside of the graduation venue itself, just go. Being in the area and atmosphere of the graduation will benefit you and hopefully bring you some solace in your pain. Maybe shut off your cell phone and take a walk to separate yourself from the agony of getting no response for awhile.  Is there a family member or a friend that you can talk about this with? Just having someone else listening can help in relieving your anxiety with a situation you have no control over.   (HUGS)

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blg1996 I understand how desperate are you feeling, I'll be feeling the same way, I dont understand either why are they acting like that =( 

Is there any possibility that you can take a flight and go directly to talk to them? I mean, he is your partner for almost two years, you deserve at least and answer, so maybe you can go and ask them face to face. I'll call the University as well, I'll explain them the situation maybe they could help, go through every possibility you can go, Sam is yours and he love you, and you love him, dont give up.   

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I agree, it couldn't hurt to ask the university, what does it hurt them to allow one more person in?  As for the other forum, it doesn't sound like they have much inkling of grief response, try not to take what they say to heart, they aren't getting it obviously.

I don't know why people respond like they do (or rather don't) but it is grief talking, when we're grieving we can be a mess, sounds like his family is at that place, they aren't thinking clearly.  This is not a case of they are an inner circle and you are on the outside looking in, you were his #1 and continue to be!

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