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Sweetheart346

Flashbacks giving me anxiety

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It's been almost two months since my mom passed from sepsis. Even when I try doing normal things, I sometimes catch myself thinking about the three difficult weeks she spent in the hospital. I remember staying overnight with my sister watching her and I was trying to sleep. I remember my mom calling my name but I half ignored it since I was extremely tired and also scared cause I didn't know what to do or any way of helping. When she tried getting out of bed herself, that's when I got up and assisted her. Don't know why it's eating me alive but that's just one scene from that evil place that runs through my mind. No matter what I do, I can't stop thinking about the hospital. She had an allergic reaction to a blood thinner that led to low blood pressure and her dying but I still feel like the hospital purposely gave her medicine they knew will kill her, just to make space in the ICU. I just needed to get that out because the guilt and anger is slowly but painfully affecting me each day.

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Dear Sweetheart346,

I'm so sorry to hear what you are going through, I know its not easy. I think its very normal so soon after a traumatic loss to relive those last months, weeks and days. Our mind won't let us rest. We are desperately searching for answers. We want to know why this happened?

I too have terrible anger and guilt about what happened with my father in the hospital. I keep screaming at the universe about how fair everything is. I keep talking it out with people who understand.

Right now, its moment by moment. Try to be kinder to yourself. And if you want to please consider talking to a grief counsellor or joining a support group. I find these websites very helpful in understanding my feeling. What's Your Grief and the Grief Healing Blog.

Please know you are not alone, we are all here to listen and support you in anyway we can. Thinking of you. Sending you all my thoughts and prayers.

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