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My mother passed away from cancer 2 years ago in July 2015. It is July now and at the end of the month it will officially be the 2 year mark. I have been a mess all of July, even a few weeks before July came about, and it's been very hard for me to deal with. Along with dealing with my grief I also have anxiety, minor depression and some OCD tendencies. It is my own fault, but I don't think I have allowed myself enough time to grieve. I always have plans and I am always working and running around from one place to another. It is rare I ever put aside time for myself, I have been this way all my life. Approaching this month of July, for 2 weeks straight I had horrible knots in my stomach 24/7. This had never happened to me before and they would not go away. My throat also felt a lot tighter and it still does. Then, I started having all these negative thoughts floating about my head, a lot to do with my boyfriend, who I love very much and have been with for almost 3 years now. They were thoughts that I don't agree with at all, thoughts like "do you really love him?" "your stomach hurts because you don't want to be with him anymore" and stuff like that. I love my boyfriend so much - he has been nothing but a constant source of support and love for me, especially in this difficult time. I've also been 100% honest with him about these thoughts and what I've been feeling. I was just wondering if this has ever happened to anyone else and if so, what steps did you take to make it a bit easier? The last thing I want is to lose my boyfriend, and I truly don't think I will because he's been so understanding, but having these thoughts is so frustrating and upsetting to me. Part of me feels like I am just so emotionally bottled up and drained that I am feeling so many things and worrying about so much that I don't even know what to feel anymore. And of course, with it being July, I've been even more upset than usual. Anxiety and depression doesn't help, either. 

Any thoughts or input would be much appreciated - it's hard to feel strong and get through my everyday when I feel like I'm going crazy and questioning things I feel like I don't need to be questioning. 

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I am very sorry about the loss of your mom. Your thoughts and feelings are very normal from what I've seen, heard and observed. I've been the moderator of this site for about 7 years. I see people suffering with what you are going through all the time. One way to deal with your anxiety and racing thoughts is to talk more about them. Perhaps a supportive self help group, like a grief and loss group would help. Many funeral homes offer grief and loss groups; check with one in your hometown. 

Also, if your anxiety is overwhelming, perhaps learning some deep breathing and meditation techniques will help you to work through those issues while it's happening. I know this is all so tough, but you are going to be okay. :)

We will be here with you,

ModKonnie

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19 minutes ago, ModKonnie said:

I am very sorry about the loss of your mom. Your thoughts and feelings are very normal from what I've seen, heard and observed. I've been the moderator of this site for about 7 years. I see people suffering with what you are going through all the time. One way to deal with your anxiety and racing thoughts is to talk more about them. Perhaps a supportive self help group, like a grief and loss group would help. Many funeral homes offer grief and loss groups; check with one in your hometown. 

Also, if your anxiety is overwhelming, perhaps learning some deep breathing and meditation techniques will help you to work through those issues while it's happening. I know this is all so tough, but you are going to be okay. :)

We will be here with you,

ModKonnie

Thank you so much :) I do currently see a therapist and go to a support group for young ones who have suffered a huge loss. They are both very helpful, but I realize I need to do my own work outside of these groups too - that's the hard part. But I think identifying the issue is the first step. 

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I don't know what your physical abilities are, but I find exercise--brisk walking, slow jogging, bicycling, etc., help me deal with emotional pain and issues more than anything else. You could consider adding that to your "list of things to try." 

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On 7/20/2017 at 9:07 AM, ModKonnie said:

I don't know what your physical abilities are, but I find exercise--brisk walking, slow jogging, bicycling, etc., help me deal with emotional pain and issues more than anything else. You could consider adding that to your "list of things to try." 

I definitely need to do that. A while ago I was trying to eat better and exercise more and it really did help my mood, but I guess lately I just haven't been doing much of it. Part of it is because I'm busy and the other part is I am just lazy and depressed and unmotivated. But I really should try to get back into that - i'm sure it will help.

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