Marshacompton

I lost my soulmate today: I don't know what to do with my life

33 posts in this topic

The sweetest man in the world, who helped me through my illness has died of a stroke this morning. We had made plans to travel and we were going to Las Vegas this summer. Next year, we were going to New Orleans. I never went to these places and it gave him great joy in being able to show me these places. After so many years struggling financially, we saw the light at the end of the tunnel. We were going to buy a house and open a business. Now I'm sitting in a room by myself unable to see past today. I don't want to travel or buy a house. How can I do the things that were "our dreams"?

I hope some people can tell me how to get past today and the next. The loss of a soulmate has hit me hard. When my parents died I was young, I had a future life to look forward to make them proud of me. However, with the loss of Alfred I can't see anything past the grief. Can anyone tell me what helped them get through the pain.

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Oh Marsha, I am so sorry for your loss. On the day that my wife died, I was in complete and total shock. I suspect that you're feeling the same right now. Complete and total shock.

You've come to a good place for help and support today. When I came here, everyone was incredibly understanding, helpful and supportive, having gone through what I was going through, and having made it through. Please know that this is a safe place, where I found a lot of healing, and know that whatever the future holds you do not have to figure it out right now. You just have to get through this moment.

Please hang in there for now, Marsha, and others will be here for you. You're not alone, and you don't need to have all of the answers right away.

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22 minutes ago, 4Hdad said:

Oh Marsha, I am so sorry for your loss. On the day that my wife died, I was in complete and total shock. I suspect that you're feeling the same right now. Complete and total shock.

You've come to a good place for help and support today. When I came here, everyone was incredibly understanding, helpful and supportive, having gone through what I was going through, and having made it through. Please know that this is a safe place, where I found a lot of healing, and know that whatever the future holds you do not have to figure it out right now. You just have to get through this moment.

Please hang in there for now, Marsha, and others will be here for you. You're not alone, and you don't need to have all of the answers right away.

I am sorry for your loss when your wife died. You are right, I am in complete and total shock. Thank you for telling that I'm not wrong in not knowing how to deal with the future. I just have figure out how to get through this moment. And thank you for telling me I came to the right place.

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Marsha, Your story is so similar to how I felt almost a year ago . My husband passed of sudden cardiac arrest. I was in shock, disbelief, for a long time. We not only lose our soulmate, we lose our life as we knew it, we lose ourselves, friends, sometimes family members (their side), the future we had envisioned, our perspective on life, everything. We are left literally, at ground zero before we met them. I am still lost without my husband, still riding the waves of grief. The intensity of the pain has lessened, along with the number of anxiety attacks. I still have grieving issues, they are just not as intense as the first 6 to 7 months.

I am deeply sorry for you losing your sweet man. I know and understand the pain so very well. You have come to a good, compassionate place here. We all have your back in listening, sharing, giving comfort and encouragement. This is a tough journey you have joined us on. The best advice I can give you is to be patient and kind with yourself. Take each day minute by minute, hour by hour. Day by day. I know these first few weeks will be chaotic with arrangements, decisions, etc. Just remember to breathe. You do not have to worry about next month, the next several months or even next year. It is overwhelming enough to just get through the present moments and day.  

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Marsha,

I am sorry for your loss, I also lost my husband seven weeks ago to a sudden heart attack at the age of 50. You just have to take it minute by minute . This is by far the hardest thing I have ever gone through. The people here are wonderful and have given me some great advice as well as just getting what you are going through. I am also suffering with anxiety. There is a light at the end of the tunnel so people have said , we just need to keep moving forward so we can find it. My heart goes out to you as the first few weeks are unbearable. Just know you have found the right place for support. Hugs to you.

Diane

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1 hour ago, KMB said:

Marsha, Your story is so similar to how I felt almost a year ago . My husband passed of sudden cardiac arrest. I was in shock, disbelief, for a long time. We not only lose our soulmate, we lose our life as we knew it, we lose ourselves, friends, sometimes family members (their side), the future we had envisioned, our perspective on life, everything. We are left literally, at ground zero before we met them. I am still lost without my husband, still riding the waves of grief. The intensity of the pain has lessened, along with the number of anxiety attacks. I still have grieving issues, they are just not as intense as the first 6 to 7 months.

I am deeply sorry for you losing your sweet man. I know and understand the pain so very well. You have come to a good, compassionate place here. We all have your back in listening, sharing, giving comfort and encouragement. This is a tough journey you have joined us on. The best advice I can give you is to be patient and kind with yourself. Take each day minute by minute, hour by hour. Day by day. I know these first few weeks will be chaotic with arrangements, decisions, etc. Just remember to breathe. You do not have to worry about next month, the next several months or even next year. It is overwhelming enough to just get through the present moments and day.  

KMB,  I am sorry to hear on the loss of your husband. I also feel like I'm at ground zero with my life. I fear the loss of his children in my life. I fear  the loss of his friends that keep him alive through their memories of him. I'm crushed by the pain. When I stop crying I see a show or picture that he hated or commented on, and I expect a response from him. He has been dead seven hours and I feel like he is just at the store picking up snacks.

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1 hour ago, Dian said:

Marsha,

I am sorry for your loss, I also lost my husband seven weeks ago to a sudden heart attack at the age of 50. You just have to take it minute by minute . This is by far the hardest thing I have ever gone through. The people here are wonderful and have given me some great advice as well as just getting what you are going through. I am also suffering with anxiety. There is a light at the end of the tunnel so people have said , we just need to keep moving forward so we can find it. My heart goes out to you as the first few weeks are unbearable. Just know you have found the right place for support. Hugs to you.

Diane

Dian, I am so sorry for your loss. My boyfriend who I planned to marry next year wasn't the one supposed to die first. I have medical problems and was preparing my boyfriend to prepare for when I died. Before, I got better I felt lucky to have another ten years with him. I went over with him daily schedules to know when bills were due to be paid, emergency numbers to contact in case I ended up in a comma, and I was the one preparing to get a pre-paid cremation.

The light at the end of the tunnel means I have to keep moving forward and it seems so hard to do. Thank for telling me I found the right place for support. Hugs to you too. 

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Marsha, I am so sorry that you have to go through this too. I lost my husband Tim 10 days ago.

I can't even give you a clue as to where to start. But  I will tell you that it is ok to be broken. Cry, feel all the pain and despair. Mourn what you have lost.

And just because the light is there - you don't have to hurtle towards it. Take however long you need - it's fine to be on pause.

Lisa 

 

 

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I am sorry for you loss, as they said in the upper comments, people in here is amazing, kind and can relate what you are going through, I lose my boyfriend more than a month ago and he is the most wonderful man I've ever meet, take one day at a time.

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14 hours ago, Marshacompton said:

I hope some people can tell me how to get past today and the next.

Marsha, There's a lot of info on this forum that can help you. Many many many topics have been discussed, even people have come and gone. My biggest tip to you would be to “ word search “ this forum for questions you may have. That may be the fastest almost immediate answers you could get. Then simply ask “post” if you can't find it or need to be pointed in the right direction. There are many experiences shared on this forum, you are bound to find someone with a similar experience / loss / age / gender. I hate it when I see someone new post to this forum for now they have a loss that the reset of us know so well. So sad.

 

Autocharge

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Marsha,

I am so sorry, I am amazed you found this place so early.  I hope you'll continue coming here.  The best advice I had was to take a day at a time...in the beginning break it down to an hour, or even just a minute.  Try not to think too far ahead, it's too much.  I was totally in shock in the beginning.  We are in "grief fog" which makes it hard for our brains to think with any clarity.  Pretty much anything you feel is normal.  People who haven't been through this can't possibly understand, they may say inappropriate things that hit you all wrong.  Try to let that go, they want to have something to offer you but they're coming up empty.  

When you have time you might want to read some of the threads here.  

I do want to assure you that the intensity you are feeling right now will lessen eventually.  Grief evolves.  Eventually we adjust to our different lives, but the missing them continues...so does our love.

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15 hours ago, Marshacompton said:

The sweetest man in the world, who helped me through my illness has died of a stroke this morning. We had made plans to travel and we were going to Las Vegas this summer. Next year, we were going to New Orleans. I never went to these places and it gave him great joy in being able to show me these places. After so many years struggling financially, we saw the light at the end of the tunnel. We were going to buy a house and open a business. Now I'm sitting in a room by myself unable to see past today. I don't want to travel or buy a house. How can I do the things that were "our dreams"?

I hope some people can tell me how to get past today and the next. The loss of a soulmate has hit me hard. When my parents died I was young, I had a future life to look forward to make them proud of me. However, with the loss of Alfred I can't see anything past the grief. Can anyone tell me what helped them get through the pain.

I am so very sorry.  My Charles introduced me to many places I had not been before and like your Alfred was eager to take me.  We both had retired and was so looking for our *golden* years together.  Than came that awful day that changed by life forever - in a split second, my Charles had a massive heart attack and was gone.  I couldn't believe it then, and still am having trouble believing it now.  Not my Charles, not my protector, my best friend, the love of my life, my strength, the other half of me.  This was just not happening, this was not real; this was a bad nightmare I wanted and needed to wake up from.  So there I was slowly drifting away from everything I ever loved; the pain in my mind was much worse than the pain in my body ever was.

For me, I haven't gotten through the pain, and I don't think I ever will - do I really want to?  The pain reminds me that I lost the most important person on this earth; in some sense, I've lost myself, trust, joy,and happiness. I'm a different person, forever changed - but I don't know if it's a good change. I have had many meltdowns and expect to have many more; I've been to rock bottom and back again; been through hell and back; have had days when I thought I was doing OK, only in the following seconds,  have had my personal tsunami that didn't or wouldn't stop.  I cried myself to sleep many night, only to wake up and start again. 

For me, getting through this hell is my faith.  If not for the grace of God, I wouldn't have made it this far.  You see, I believe, no I know this earth is not my home and we are merely passing through; but before can leave, we must learn valuable lessons; learn to love without condition; talk without bad intentions; give without any reason, but most of all, care for one another without any expectation.  Sometime painful things can teach us lessons we didn't think we needed to know.  When my times does eventually come, I know I will be with my Charles again, only this time, it will be for eternity.  And that is worth waiting for because the pain of parting is nothing compared to the joy of meeting again.

My prayer is that God keep you safe and give you the peace and strength you need to make it through this horrific ordeal.

 

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11 hours ago, Artesia said:

Marsha, I am so sorry that you have to go through this too. I lost my husband Tim 10 days ago.

I can't even give you a clue as to where to start. But  I will tell you that it is ok to be broken. Cry, feel all the pain and despair. Mourn what you have lost.

And just because the light is there - you don't have to hurtle towards it. Take however long you need - it's fine to be on pause.

Lisa 

 

 

Ka9219, thank you. I am sorry for your loss too. I came here because I knew other people understand what I'm going through. I have people tell me they are sorry to hear about my boyfriend's death, but they don't know what I feel. I know from telling others I was sorry for their loss I didn't know what they were going through each day. It is the cruelest lesson to learn this type of pain.

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11 hours ago, Artesia said:

Marsha, I am so sorry that you have to go through this too. I lost my husband Tim 10 days ago.

I can't even give you a clue as to where to start. But  I will tell you that it is ok to be broken. Cry, feel all the pain and despair. Mourn what you have lost.

And just because the light is there - you don't have to hurtle towards it. Take however long you need - it's fine to be on pause.

Lisa 

 

 

Artesia/ Lisa, thank you for telling me it is okay to be broken. I am also sorry for your loss.

I have cried and felt so much despair. I feel so much guilt in wanting one more day with Alfred. I know he is in a better place with those who loved him and he has missed so much in life. I have kissed his picture more times this night than I had kissed him this week. 

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3 hours ago, Autocharge said:

Marsha, There's a lot of info on this forum that can help you. Many many many topics have been discussed, even people have come and gone. My biggest tip to you would be to “ word search “ this forum for questions you may have. That may be the fastest almost immediate answers you could get. Then simply ask “post” if you can't find it or need to be pointed in the right direction. There are many experiences shared on this forum, you are bound to find someone with a similar experience / loss / age / gender. I hate it when I see someone new post to this forum for now they have a loss that the reset of us know so well. So sad.

 

Autocharge

Autocharge, thank you for your advice on searching through the forum to get answers. I am sorry for your loss.

I am on pause and just want the pain to stop. I woke up this morning, day two of the what is my life now. I hope other's experiences can help guide me to what to expect and digest what I feel. I have joined a club that no one should ever endure in their lifetime. 

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2 hours ago, KayC said:

Marsha,

I am so sorry, I am amazed you found this place so early.  I hope you'll continue coming here.  The best advice I had was to take a day at a time...in the beginning break it down to an hour, or even just a minute.  Try not to think too far ahead, it's too much.  I was totally in shock in the beginning.  We are in "grief fog" which makes it hard for our brains to think with any clarity.  Pretty much anything you feel is normal.  People who haven't been through this can't possibly understand, they may say inappropriate things that hit you all wrong.  Try to let that go, they want to have something to offer you but they're coming up empty.  

When you have time you might want to read some of the threads here.  

I do want to assure you that the intensity you are feeling right now will lessen eventually.  Grief evolves.  Eventually we adjust to our different lives, but the missing them continues...so does our love.

KayC, thank you for your kind words. I am so sorry for your loss.

I found this sight because I could not take another person telling me they understood where I was coming from in my pain. None of them lost their lover and spouse. They were standing in front of me telling me they could relate, and all I could do was think, no you don't know what I feel. They couldn't know what I feel, because the person they love is beside them, and will wake up in their arms the next morning.

Today I spent gathering his papers together and getting his family to release the body for me to prepare for cremation. I am in fog and stuck in auto-pilot.

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1 hour ago, Francine said:

I am so very sorry.  My Charles introduced me to many places I had not been before and like your Alfred was eager to take me.  We both had retired and was so looking for our *golden* years together.  Than came that awful day that changed by life forever - in a split second, my Charles had a massive heart attack and was gone.  I couldn't believe it then, and still am having trouble believing it now.  Not my Charles, not my protector, my best friend, the love of my life, my strength, the other half of me.  This was just not happening, this was not real; this was a bad nightmare I wanted and needed to wake up from.  So there I was slowly drifting away from everything I ever loved; the pain in my mind was much worse than the pain in my body ever was.

For me, I haven't gotten through the pain, and I don't think I ever will - do I really want to?  The pain reminds me that I lost the most important person on this earth; in some sense, I've lost myself, trust, joy,and happiness. I'm a different person, forever changed - but I don't know if it's a good change. I have had many meltdowns and expect to have many more; I've been to rock bottom and back again; been through hell and back; have had days when I thought I was doing OK, only in the following seconds,  have had my personal tsunami that didn't or wouldn't stop.  I cried myself to sleep many night, only to wake up and start again. 

For me, getting through this hell is my faith.  If not for the grace of God, I wouldn't have made it this far.  You see, I believe, no I know this earth is not my home and we are merely passing through; but before can leave, we must learn valuable lessons; learn to love without condition; talk without bad intentions; give without any reason, but most of all, care for one another without any expectation.  Sometime painful things can teach us lessons we didn't think we needed to know.  When my times does eventually come, I know I will be with my Charles again, only this time, it will be for eternity.  And that is worth waiting for because the pain of parting is nothing compared to the joy of meeting again.

My prayer is that God keep you safe and give you the peace and strength you need to make it through this horrific ordeal.

 

Thank you Francine, I am so sorry for your loss too. Your Charles seems like a wonderful man.

My Alfred wanted to show me different places I never been and got joy out seeing the excitement in my eyes. It was like he got to get a first time experience all over again. I could not believe he was gone in a second from talking to me. He was the kindest and most understanding man I met in my life. I had gone through years of abuse from a former marriage that ended with me, regularly in the hospital emergency rooms. The angels blessed me with Alfred when I was at my lowest point and taught me to trust and love again. I thank God for giving me the time I had with Alfred.

I finally fell asleep and dreamed that today was a nightmare, but knew that life was never that kind, and I woke up to him gone. I go through moments when I feel strong and then I cry again. Like you the only thing keeping me going on is the thought of seeing him again. 

I will keep you in my prayers to keep you safe and give you peace too. 

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2 hours ago, Marshacompton said:

The angels blessed me with Alfred when I was at my lowest point and taught me to trust and love again. I thank God for giving me the time I had with Alfred.

Thank you Marsha - my Charles was a wonderful man and I can't put into words how much I really miss him.  I too thank God for 45 beautiful years with the man of my dreams and even though I can't see, kiss or touch his body, his spirit is always with me, helping me through this life without him; until we are once again united.

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Marsha,

Just know that we are here for you whenever you need us. I lost my wife suddenly to a heart attack at the age of 46. I don't have the words that will soothe the pain you are feeling right now but know that I am praying for your peace and comfort as you begin this journey. This is a difficult road you now walk but you are not alone. We will walk it with you and carry you when you need it. After three months I am still in a fog sometimes and you just need to take it day by day and even minute by minute sometimes.

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11 hours ago, Marshacompton said:

I have cried and felt so much despair. I feel so much guilt in wanting one more day with Alfred. I know he is in a better place with those who loved him and he has missed so much in life. I have kissed his picture more times this night than I had kissed him this week. 

Tim had stage IV cancer. Within less than 5 months I watched him diminish every day. He was 46 and we haven't even been married for 4 years yet. We barely got a chance to accept what was happening before it all happened. So like you, I would give anything for one more day - one more conversation, but how could I honestly want to bring him back to that? So I feel guilty too.

 I don't know here he is. I know I am here and have all of these people offering support - but if he is somewhere, who is looking out for him?

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4 hours ago, Eagle-96 said:

Marsha,

Just know that we are here for you whenever you need us. I lost my wife suddenly to a heart attack at the age of 46. I don't have the words that will soothe the pain you are feeling right now but know that I am praying for your peace and comfort as you begin this journey. This is a difficult road you now walk but you are not alone. We will walk it with you and carry you when you need it. After three months I am still in a fog sometimes and you just need to take it day by day and even minute by minute sometimes.

Eagle-96, Thank you for your kind words. I am so sorry for the loss of your wife.

I'm still in disbelief that My boyfriend is gone. Today I put on a campy show on SYFY channel which was the type of show he hated. I was thinking I would have to find something else to watch and then realized he wasn't there. I would give anything to hear him tease me again on my taste in tv shows and horror movies.

I've been in a fog for close to 36 hours, and can't find joy in anything. I'm going to take it day by day and try to heal. 

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30 minutes ago, Artesia said:

Tim had stage IV cancer. Within less than 5 months I watched him diminish every day. He was 46 and we haven't even been married for 4 years yet. We barely got a chance to accept what was happening before it all happened. So like you, I would give anything for one more day - one more conversation, but how could I honestly want to bring him back to that? So I feel guilty too.

 I don't know here he is. I know I am here and have all of these people offering support - but if he is somewhere, who is looking out for him?

Artesia, I'm sorry for your loss.

Like you I feel guilty in wanting Alfred back with me. I'm hoping he is happy wherever he is now. Hopefully he feels no more pain. He died of a stroke, but suffered from seizures from an early motorcycle accident.This wasn't his first stroke,and each time he had a seizure we got the paramedics to save him. One time, I even used CPR to bring him back. 

We only had eleven years together, but I never have lived or been loved until I met him. I'm hoping that my Alfred is surrounded by his mother, grandparents, and my little daughter from a previous relationship who are all watching out for him. So, take comfort that the people who have passed that loved you and him are watching out for your Tim.

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On 12/07/2017 at 6:39 AM, Artesia said:

Marsha, I am so sorry that you have to go through this too. I lost my husband Tim 10 days ago.

I can't even give you a clue as to where to start. But  I will tell you that it is ok to be broken. Cry, feel all the pain and despair. Mourn what you have lost.

And just because the light is there - you don't have to hurtle towards it. Take however long you need - it's fine to be on pause.

Lisa 

 

 

Hi my name's Karin. I also lost my soulmate 10 days ago. I don't know how to go on. Don't want to get up or get dressed or go out. I am feeling so much pain. Just want to let you know I understand your pain. Just so much pain. Strength. Hugs. Karin 

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Just now, Kjayne said:

Hi my name's Karin. I also lost my partner 10 days ago. I don't know how to go on. Don't want to get up or get dressed or go out. I am feeling so much pain. Just want to let you know I understand the pain you are feeling. Strength. Hugs. Karin 

I am so sorry Karin.

This sucks, big time. 

Lisa xxx

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1 hour ago, Kjayne said:

Hi my name's Karin. I also lost my soulmate 10 days ago. I don't know how to go on. Don't want to get up or get dressed or go out. I am feeling so much pain. Just want to let you know I understand your pain. Just so much pain. Strength. Hugs. Karin 

Karin I am so sorry, first days I felt like you, not willing to do anything, now I am going one day at a time, sometimes I dont feel like getting up, sometimes I feel like a have to dress up and go out somewhere and not thinking at least for a few hours. It is just 10 days, dont force yourself to do anything you dont want to, probably you are in shock by now and your mind is processing to much. Go easy on you. I cant tell you not a single world that could give some relieve or consolation. Death is such a tragedy and you will feel broke and overwhelming, and super sad.

My heart is with you

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