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When did you return to work?


darkshadowgirl

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I wish I could help you out with that one. Unfortunately, my husband and I had just started the process of dissolving our business when he passed. At 69, with health conditions and his legs giving out on him, he finally made the decision to fully retire. It compounds my sadness that he never had the chance to enjoy retirement.

The only suggestion I have is to go back to work when you feel you can handle it. Maybe 2 or 3 days a week, or half days, for a start? It depends on your place of employment bereavement leave policies and your boss.   (HUGS)

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That's a hard one. My employer is amazing - I just need to let them know when I'll be back. I don't want to do it, but I have to, I guess. 

It'll be two weeks next Monday for us. I guess I should just bite the bullet and do it.

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My employer is amazing and I was able to take a month before I went back. I needed every bit of the month to get back to a mental state where I could handle the daily grind. You go back when it feels right for you. When you feel you can contribute in a meaningful way then try it and see. I hope your boss is as understanding as mine and you have the support you need.

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My employer was great but I also knew it was a hardship for him to not have me there (I was Office Mgr and Bkpr).  I came in at 5 days and did payroll, I returned to work fully at two weeks.  I didn't feel ready but I needed the $, I was broke and didn't need to lose my home too.

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We already had vacation scheduled for the week following my husband's passing.  I took that week and then went back to work. I couldn't stand sitting at home, i needed to be busy. Didn't want time to think. Still don't.  I keep as busy as possible and don't think about anything more than a couple days ahead. 

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I went back in a week but I was not ready.  Did it out of the need of $. I'm sure my coworkers thought I was crazy and I heard whispering.  One thing I learned quickly is you find out who your friends really are.  I am absolutely flabbergasted and I hate that word, at how many people will contact you and tell you all manner of things and you will be lucky if even one holds to their word or is even still talking to you a month later 

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10 hours ago, Stoney said:

One thing I learned quickly is you find out who your friends really are.  I am absolutely flabbergasted and I hate that word, at how many people will contact you and tell you all manner of things and you will be lucky if even one holds to their word or is even still talking to you a month later 

It's kind of like a second death. The death of friendships and relationships that you thought would, and should, stand the test of time. I think it is a mix of people retreating back into the comfortable bubble of their own lives and also people avoiding us out of fear. The fear that they might one day walk in our shoes(and many will) and it scares them to even contemplate a life without their spouse. As I said previously, we are a living reminder of the effects of death and some people can't, or won't, deal with it. What they don't realize is they are kicking us when we are down.

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Stoney, I am so sorry that was your experience!  I had wonderful coworkers.  My boss had a meeting with all the employees and had someone who had been through loss speak to them and appraise them what to expect and how to best respond.  They were so sweet and so caring!  Unfortunately that job ended within months of losing George because it was the beginning of the recession and the gov't cut our contracts.  My next place of employment would have been a horrible place to go through something like that.

Sometimes I think I was lucky I had to work, if nothing else it filled up some of the hours in a day.  Evenings and weekends were hard.  All of our personal friends disappeared on me immediately though, and I still don't understand that.  I mean I know some people want to avoid death, feel they can catch it, etc., it reminds them of their own mortality or precarious life, but still, how do friends do that to each other?!

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