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Djh0901kc

Don't know what to say

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On 1/12/2018 at 8:10 PM, lovingstill said:

Just noticed the quote in your signature and wanted to tell you it resonated with me. I cling on to the possibility that he exists elsewhere and that we'll be reunited. Am I crazy? I talk to him every day, I ask him for guidance, I tell him I love him. He's dead. I know he's dead, but I also think he's with me. In the very, very beginning, I couldn't sleep. Then all I could do was sleep because when I was asleep was the only time I didn't know that he was gone.

I meditate now -- and I need to share -- I'm hyperactive, diagnosed with ADHD as an adult, very functional as both child and adult but went to be a non-ADHD control for a clinical trial and didn't qualify because of the ADHD I didn't even know I had. I try to meditate and find guided meditations to "meet spirit loved ones." I've done everything to try to be connected. In short, I can't even meditate because I'm too hyperactive...but I'm trying because I'm dying to have at least one other moment with him. :(

You are absolutely not crazy.  I still develop spiritual connections with my wife, sometimes I don't do it intentionally but it does come.  Just prior to coming onto the forum, I relived some of the moments I had with her and suddenly, I started to have what I felt was thoughts and messages that were being implanted in my mind.    It was messages of comfort and love, and that everything was Ok and that I should feel OK.  Just then, I felt my right hand getting warm along with a little sensation on my face.   I've had other variations of these feelings from other times before.  I felt that it was my wife, coming to me, and telepathically letting me know of her thoughts and messages.  I knew she held my hand and perhaps gave me a kiss on the face.

You're not crazy.  Our loved ones are with us.  They are just in another dimension, another world.  It doesn't make it better, but they are with us.

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1 hour ago, Azipod said:

You are absolutely not crazy.  I still develop spiritual connections with my wife, sometimes I don't do it intentionally but it does come.  Just prior to coming onto the forum, I relived some of the moments I had with her and suddenly, I started to have what I felt was thoughts and messages that were being implanted in my mind.    It was messages of comfort and love, and that everything was Ok and that I should feel OK.  Just then, I felt my right hand getting warm along with a little sensation on my face.   I've had other variations of these feelings from other times before.  I felt that it was my wife, coming to me, and telepathically letting me know of her thoughts and messages.  I knew she held my hand and perhaps gave me a kiss on the face.

You're not crazy.  Our loved ones are with us.  They are just in another dimension, another world.  It doesn't make it better, but they are with us.

YES, I talk regularly with him and feel him a lot. I truly believe he's communicating with me and that he exists but in a different form.

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12 minutes ago, lovingstill said:

YES, I talk regularly with him and feel him a lot. I truly believe he's communicating with me and that he exists but in a different form.

Her energy is a lot less these days, unlike the earlier months. I think it’s true that on time, they do need to proceed forward to cross over fully, taking them farther from us and letting them do whatever they need to in the other side.  At 6 months, I did tell my wife that it was OK for her to carry on towards the light to where she is suppose to be. I told her that she did not have to keep staying here to comfort me.  After then, her prescrnece became less intense and much less frequent.

im convinced that the other side is likely the better side of life.  Here on earth is schooling for us. It’s much harder and much more grueling. 

They say that we really wake up when we die.  As Swedenborg said, “death is just a passage.”  It’s not the end. We are just going home to where we came from.

knowing my wife is already there, I can’t wait to be with her again. In other words, I’m aching each day that the end of my life will come soon.

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3 hours ago, Azipod said:

Her energy is a lot less these days, unlike the earlier months. I think it’s true that on time, they do need to proceed forward to cross over fully, taking them farther from us and letting them do whatever they need to in the other side.  At 6 months, I did tell my wife that it was OK for her to carry on towards the light to where she is suppose to be. I told her that she did not have to keep staying here to comfort me.  After then, her prescrnece became less intense and much less frequent.

im convinced that the other side is likely the better side of life.  Here on earth is schooling for us. It’s much harder and much more grueling. 

They say that we really wake up when we die.  As Swedenborg said, “death is just a passage.”  It’s not the end. We are just going home to where we came from.

knowing my wife is already there, I can’t wait to be with her again. In other words, I’m aching each day that the end of my life will come soon.

You and I, both. I can't wait for the end. I've been working, meanwhile, to stay connected. I guided him to the light pretty soon after his passing, but I still feel him around me. For example, I feel like he sends me songs, such as Ed Sheeran's "Perfect." I know it's the better side of life, and I can't wait to be in what truly can be described as h-ll. THIS human life without our partners is hell...

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On 11/07/2017 at 5:22 AM, Djh0901kc said:

I would never tell anyone how or what to believe in. All I know is that for me, I don't think there is anything else after this. I haven't felt like my wife is with me at all since she passed. I feel completely and utterly alone. I would give anything, ANYTHING, to see some sign or something that she still exists somewhere and is waiting for me. 

I have just lost my husband, 47 years old...and this is exactly how I feel. He loved me so much, I keep hearing people say "he's with you"...Well then how the hell can he see me go through this agony and not let me know, somehow, that he's there, that he's Ok? I feel totally abandoned. Where is he? Why can't he let me know he's there the way everyone says? 

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On 13/07/2017 at 1:31 PM, Artesia said:

And like you, I take no consolation from those around me. Although I know they are all missing him and they loved him and they feel his loss too. But they haven't done this. They get to go home and cry in the arms of their lover. I can never do that again. Of course life will never have the same joy for me- how could it?

All the 'good' things to come will never replace him and there will always be that ache that Tim and I were supposed to do this together.

100%....Yes, so many people are mourning him, friends, family..Yes, everyone is upset..but when they have finished supporting me..they get to go home and be comforted by their partner or spouse...and I get to be alone with my devastation..the one person who coul d make it better is the one person who isn't there...

Everyone says to just hang on, make it through, go on...my question is, why? So I can spend another day week month year forever Oh My God without him???

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We tend to live our lives like this is it, because this is what we know, what we can explain, what we fathom.  Forgetting, there is so much more than this, more than we can't fathom, more we can't explain.  It helps me to watch and read about other universes, the stars, the planets, something beyond myself, beyond my world, and it helps me to realize I'm a small part of something so much more...it helps me to realize that they still "are" and although we can't define or explain it, they continue to exist in another form, in "what's next", and it comforts me knowing that the day he died was not "it" for him, it was indeed as you say, a passage.  I believe with all my heart, he continues, and is with me, even though it's not as it was before.

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1 hour ago, Oz girl said:

I have just lost my husband, 47 years old...and this is exactly how I feel. He loved me so much, I keep hearing people say "he's with you"...Well then how the hell can he see me go through this agony and not let me know, somehow, that he's there, that he's Ok? I feel totally abandoned. Where is he? Why can't he let me know he's there the way everyone says? 

Same case with me , i cant feel his presence. Where is he if he is seeing me why don't he show up.

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4 hours ago, Oz girl said:

I have just lost my husband, 47 years old...and this is exactly how I feel. He loved me so much, I keep hearing people say "he's with you"...Well then how the hell can he see me go through this agony and not let me know, somehow, that he's there, that he's Ok? I feel totally abandoned. Where is he? Why can't he let me know he's there the way everyone says? 

That's because none of our partners are magicians.  Just because they have crossed over on the other side doesn't mean that they can show themselves to you at any given minute.  Although there is a thin veil between the physical and spiritual world, the right conditions still needs to exist before certain things can happen.  Also, sometimes there are things happening but we just fail to take notice.  It can also be that you have not reached the spiritual development you need to be to be able to communicate.   Finally, your grief and sadness can also be a barrier to communications.  It could be anything.... and it could be something that totally doesn't have anything to do with you.

There is more to our life than we understand and can comprehend.   Those that do not believe are those that do not get the signs.  It's that simple.  If you want something, you have to get in touch with your inner self so you can develop your senses and awareness to feel what is around you.   As long as you keep saying Nay, then all you're going to get is Nay.

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19 hours ago, lovingstill said:

YES, I talk regularly with him and feel him a lot. I truly believe he's communicating with me and that he exists but in a different form.

Yeah, it's just unusual to have a relationship with someone that is mute and invisible.  But given the circumstances, I'll take anything I can get.

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10 hours ago, Oz girl said:

I have just lost my husband, 47 years old...and this is exactly how I feel. He loved me so much, I keep hearing people say "he's with you"...Well then how the hell can he see me go through this agony and not let me know, somehow, that he's there, that he's Ok? I feel totally abandoned. Where is he? Why can't he let me know he's there the way everyone says? 

Unfortunately, you’ll find that if you feel this way it’s best to just keep it to yourself. People want to believe and they don’t want to hear anything to the contrary. Most people don’t even want to consider the possibility that there’s nothing else. And you can’t make yourself believe if you don’t no matter how badly you want it. It sucks plain and simple

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10 hours ago, Oz girl said:

100%....Yes, so many people are mourning him, friends, family..Yes, everyone is upset..but when they have finished supporting me..they get to go home and be comforted by their partner or spouse...and I get to be alone with my devastation..the one person who coul d make it better is the one person who isn't there...

Everyone says to just hang on, make it through, go on...my question is, why? So I can spend another day week month year forever Oh My God without him???

I said so many of these same exact things. I still wonder what the point of going on is if we know that’s it’s never going to get any better. You can message me if you ever need to talk.

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I’ve been on antidepressants for over a month now. Not quite sure what to make of it. I’m definitely not happy. More like numb. It’s like there was a hole in the wall and instead of fixing it, someone put tape over the hole and painted the wall. It looks a little better but something is still wrong inside. I know it’s not ideal but when I started taking them I was thinking about killing myself every day. I don’t so often anymore. That’s something I guess. I don’t miss Kayla any less or think about her any less. I want her back every day. 

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Let’s just all agree to recognize we are going to feel sad. 

Write down 5 things about your loved one that made you love them. During the course of the day, read what you wrote as many times as you need to. 

Love conquers all! 

 

 

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13 hours ago, Djh0901kc said:

when I started taking them I was thinking about killing myself every day. I don’t so often anymore. That’s something I guess.

Djh,

This killed me, I'm glad you're on antidepressants if it helps the suicidal thoughts.  It's so important to fight those thoughts and give yourself ample time to adjust to your life and make it something you can live...I'm talking a YEARS long process, not months.  But the important thing to keep in mind is that we can adjust to living without them here but it's neither quick nor easy, but we can have some good in our life ahead.  We need to give ourselves every chance to find it.

The way you describe the antidepressants working in you is so apt a description, they don't fix what's wrong (missing our partner) but make it a little more tolerable, it's kind of like masking it or numbing it, but still, if it gives any help at all, take them.

Valentine's Day is not my favorite day anymore, George and I enjoyed celebrating it together, but with him gone, well you all know, I needn't tell you.  Today I think I'm going to think of things I love about George and then tell him out loud.  Who knows, maybe he can hear me!

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7 hours ago, KayC said:

Djh,

This killed me, I'm glad you're on antidepressants if it helps the suicidal thoughts.  It's so important to fight those thoughts and give yourself ample time to adjust to your life and make it something you can live...I'm talking a YEARS long process, not months.  But the important thing to keep in mind is that we can adjust to living without them here but it's neither quick nor easy, but we can have some good in our life ahead.  We need to give ourselves every chance to find it.

The way you describe the antidepressants working in you is so apt a description, they don't fix what's wrong (missing our partner) but make it a little more tolerable, it's kind of like masking it or numbing it, but still, if it gives any help at all, take them.

Valentine's Day is not my favorite day anymore, George and I enjoyed celebrating it together, but with him gone, well you all know, I needn't tell you.  Today I think I'm going to think of things I love about George and then tell him out loud.  Who knows, maybe he can hear me!

I went to the grocery store today and saw all the guys buying last minute flowers and chocolates. For a second it made me mad. You still have this person that loves you and this is the best you can do? But they don’t know any better. 

Like you, we loved Vday. It was never some cheesy thing to us.  More like an excuse to go to a fancy dinner. 

Thinking of all of you today. I hope you make it through ok. I hope your George can hear you KayC

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Made it through the day.  I'm still sick so I was ready to go to sleep long before the 8 pm I did (I had to wait on the fire/woodstove), thus ending V. day.  George and I always enjoyed getting dressed up and going to the church's Valentine banquet together.  He'd give me a card and flowers or jewelry but he always put a lot of thought into whatever he did and he took romance seriously.  God I miss him!

I hope you did okay, I know it's hard.

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