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      Hi all,  I'm sure you've noticed some changes in the forums. We've again had to do some updates, so that's why things may look a little different. Nothing major should have changed.  Also, we are going to start adding advertisements sensitive to our community on the boards. This is something we are experimenting with, and we will certainly make sure they are in the best interests of everyone. We want to make sure our forums continue to stay accessible and cost free to all of our members, and this is a way to ensure this.  If you have any questions or comments, please feel free to privately message me or email me at Konnie@beyondindigo.com.  As always, we will be here with you, ModKonnie
Djh0901kc

Don't know what to say

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Paluka   
8 minutes ago, Djh0901kc said:

I’m so lonely without her.

I'm right there with you. Every time I go to one of my son's events I feel greater sadness because I want Lauri beside me. I KNOW she is watching but I want her standing with me cheering him on. The school board recognized my boy this morning for receiving an award for leadership and academic performance. I am so proud of him but there is that deep sadness that brings me to tears. Lauri would have been so excited and cheering like crazy; holding my hand and squeezing it so tight. It is beyond difficult and lonely to try to celebrate while my heart longs for her.   

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Azipod   
14 hours ago, KMB said:

It hurts big time, doesn't it? Friends get tired of our grieving in about a month or so and family members start with their platitudes in about 2 or 3 months, give or take, depending on the individuals. We live with our grieving every day.They don't understand and never will, until it happens to them.

This is so very true.  In society, we do not talk about death.  It is a taboo subject for most part.  People are afraid to talk about it, so it gets ignored.   As a younger work professional, we are always taught about our careers, how to develop ourselves, save for retirement, etc.    That's nothing out there that prepares us or at least informs us of this grief journey when we lose someone.  And the fact is that we will always lose someone.  Not once, but many times throughout our lifetime.

I hope that with Forums such as this, and the things that we do outside in the world, the experiences that we go through and bring on, we are eventually able to turn society around so that others do not have to go through this intense pain in the same way as we are doing today.   I know we all can make a difference for others out there.

I cannot even imagine just a decade earlier, without social media, without the true availability of internet and its content, how people coped with losing a loved one.   It's scary to think that others before me had to go through this same grueling experience without the support system as we have now, today.    Someone at work told me that she lost her husband 30 years ago when she was in her 20s.   When I told her about a grief support group, she said what's that?      Things like that didn't exist back then -- at least now like they do now.

In some time in the future, we will hear about someone losing their loved one.  I think it's our duty to show them that we understand, and that we are available to support them through the journey.  There are people who have came into my life unexpectantly after I lost my wife.  They have been instrumental for my recovery.   It's important to recognize our blessings.  I for one, will need to return these favors to others in the future.

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KMB   
9 hours ago, Djh0901kc said:

I keep feeling like I’m waiting for something. I don’t know what it is but it’s constant.

I went through that feeling of "waiting", anxiousness, restlessness for about 3 months. I couldn't quite explain the feelings.. When I reflect back on those months, I feel it might have been a run off feeling due to denial. I was expecting my nightmare to magically come to an end and my husband to be walking in the door at any time. I would literally pace the rooms of the house, expecting to hear the sounds of the back door opening/closing and hearing my husband's voice saying, 'I'm home, dear". If I had chores to do outside or I returned home from somewhere, I would look for him in the garage or walk into the house expecting to see him waiting for me. Whenever the phone rang, I would jump, thinking it was him needing a ride home. It is a terrible, crushing blow when denial  starts fading away to the total reality that our loved one is permanently gone.

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KMB   
7 hours ago, Paluka said:

'm right there with you. Every time I go to one of my son's events I feel greater sadness because I want Lauri beside me. I KNOW she is watching but I want her standing with me cheering him on. The school board recognized my boy this morning for receiving an award for leadership and academic performance. I am so proud of him but there is that deep sadness that brings me to tears. Lauri would have been so excited and cheering like crazy; holding my hand and squeezing it so tight. It is beyond difficult and lonely to try to celebrate while my heart longs for her.

Congratulations on your son's well deserved accomplishments! Even though we have that sense of "knowing," that our loved one can see and hear what is going on with us, it is definitely not the same as having their physical body right there beside us, sharing eye contact, physical touch, sound of voice. I don't know if we will ever get used to that physical loss. It is a huge void that can never be filled in the same way that our hearts wish for.

You are an excellent father and Lauri is proud of you all. Maybe you can feel a blanket of the warmth of love and comfort from her, enveloping you and yours.

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KMB   
5 hours ago, Azipod said:

In some time in the future, we will hear about someone losing their loved one.  I think it's our duty to show them that we understand, and that we are available to support them through the journey.  There are people who have came into my life unexpectantly after I lost my wife.  They have been instrumental for my recovery.   It's important to recognize our blessings.  I for one, will need to return these favors to others in the future.

I believe this is one of the lessons we need to learn from experiencing our own loss. In the past, when I knew of someone who suffered loss of a loved one, I was there in in the beginning, but just as guilty as the bulk of humanity with following through with continued support. This is a very humbling experience. Some of us who lack in a complete, constant support system, feel this guilt even more strongly. We have found ourselves on the opposite end of the learning curve and it is not a good place to be. We are learning though and I have become much more aware of those around me and show them that I am here for them.

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KayC   
22 hours ago, Djh0901kc said:

I’m so lonely without her.

The only difference between you and me is I've gotten used to it somewhere along the way.  That doesn't mean I like it any better.  People have no idea unless they've been in our shoes.  My whole family, who all has their spouses, they don't have a clue.  They can't.

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KayC   
19 hours ago, Azipod said:

In some time in the future, we will hear about someone losing their loved one.  I think it's our duty to show them that we understand, and that we are available to support them through the journey.

So true.  The verse that came to me yesterday (which I posted on FB today) was 

(God) who comforts us in all our tribulation, that we may be able to comfort those who are in any trouble, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God. 2 Cor. 1:4

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On 11/8/2017 at 3:47 PM, KMB said:

I went through that feeling of "waiting", anxiousness, restlessness for about 3 months. I couldn't quite explain the feelings.. When I reflect back on those months, I feel it might have been a run off feeling due to denial. I was expecting my nightmare to magically come to an end and my husband to be walking in the door at any time. I would literally pace the rooms of the house, expecting to hear the sounds of the back door opening/closing and hearing my husband's voice saying, 'I'm home, dear". If I had chores to do outside or I returned home from somewhere, I would look for him in the garage or walk into the house expecting to see him waiting for me. Whenever the phone rang, I would jump, thinking it was him needing a ride home. It is a terrible, crushing blow when denial  starts fading away to the total reality that our loved one is permanently gone.

It’s been 5 months and I am still waiting. Waiting for her to come back? Waiting for something to make sense? I don’t know. All I know is that I feel it constantly. I know I still cry every day. I still text Kayla all day every day. I talk to her all the time. I pray every night to ask God to take care of her if he exists. Every day is nothing more than one more day off the calendar. The thought of Christmas without her is more than I can bare.

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KMB   
8 hours ago, Djh0901kc said:

All I know is that I feel it constantly

I could never explain that "waiting" feeling either. I was just taking a guess at it, for myself. All I know is that it eventually faded away. So much of myself and my "before" life has faded away. Sometimes I wonder if it is possible for me to fade away altogether. I guess that thought comes from seeing too many movies maybe. It is not a bad thought, in a way. Quite easily imaginable. But, I know my kids and a few friends would not appreciate me fading away.

Christmas---- I have bought a couple of gifts already, but I am really not looking forward to that time. But, I am trying to find one small joy out of each day. Some days, that is almost impossible. With those kind of days, I just give my pets extra attention, being grateful I have their companionship.

Keep talking to Kayla, it does help. She does hear you. Keep the belief. And keep praying. God hears you as well and will show you the way, if you listen to your heart.

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KayC   

I remember that sense of waiting also, for me it was at least a couple of years I think.  I don't know what I was waiting for, but just felt that sense.

Not looking forward to Christmas this year, just not into it, not sure why, maybe because I'm so alone and it just doesn't seem the same when you're all alone and no one to share it with, not even my kids.  Everyone around is making plans and I have none, most things are at night when I can't drive.  I'd just as soon skip it this year.

You're right, KMB, it does help to give my attention to my pets.  I've been talking to George for 12 1/2 years now with no answer...I wish I knew if he hears me.  I think sometimes he does, but I don't know if he comes and goes or what.  It's weird to have a relationship with someone who is invisible and mute.

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KMB   
8 hours ago, KayC said:

It's weird to have a relationship with someone who is invisible and mute.

I guess that is where blind faith and trust come in. We have that relationship with God, so why not with our loved ones, who are also with God? God sees and hears all. Our loved ones do too. I've read through so many similar stories of NDE's and medium accountings of the Heaven/afterlife. It is said that Heaven is interwoven with the earth plane and it is only about 3 feet off the ground that they walk among us.

I know that some here are not into mediumship, but it is okay to communicate in that way with our loved ones. I have had medium readings for myself. My husband has given validations that only him and I know. He has told me that he has met God and Jesus. He was not an overly religious person in this life, but he is not a skeptic no more. He has a love for dogs, and relayed to me that Jesus has dogs watching over the sheep. A previous dog of ours, met my husband when he transitioned over and stays with him. The dog was described, as well as the name given.

Earlier this week, I was sitting here at the computer desk. I have another desk next to the adjacent wall, where I write out checks for bills and where I used to do the paperwork for our business. I was reading posts on this forum, but also feeling sad due to missing my husband. Out of the blue, I heard a noise and looked over at the other desk.  I had a few receipts on the desk from bills from the previous month. The noise I heard were those receipts flying to the floor. No one else around. My cat was upstairs with my daughter. My dog was napping in a chair. I took it as a sign from my husband, letting me know that he is still very much here.

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KayC   

I don't consult mediums because the Bible says not to, but I sure understand the desperation driving one to do so, we want so badly to hear from them!  Like you said, I proceed on faith, the same way our relationship started and was based on, that is how it continues now.  Knowing our love continues and will have to hold me until the day I can be with him again, and I will.

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KMB   

I do respect your beliefs, KayC.  However, there are quite a few different versions of the Bible out there. Some of the verses in each one are worded differently. In my research, the Bible has been re-translated, renovated at least 35,000 times. Many religious sects has their own version.  In Heaven, there are no religious sects. There is only God, honoring Him and loving each other.

Personally, I use the King James version for myself. I also have another, given to me as a gift when I was in high school and taking Bible study classes.  I think it is called "My Way". A version translated to wording for young people to better understand.

In my own opinion, I don't think God considers it a sin to make use of mediums. God gave us all of our gifts to begin with. I think it is in Matt 17, that Jesus communicated with Moses and Elijah, after they had crossed over. He also communicated with His father. His disciples witnessed these communications. Sure, people can pass that excuse off, that Jesus was God's son and allowed to communicate in that way.

I have had a few medium readings myself. I had questions about Heaven that the medium passed on to my husband. Some of the questions I did not even have to ask. My husband can read my thoughts and he gave some of the answers without being asked. If mediumship was a sin, my husband's soul would not be allowed to come through and pass on validations and messages. Their souls would not be allowed to bring us signs. Their souls would not be allowed to visit us in our sleep to talk to us, let us see them and let us know they are ok.

The word, "spiritualism" covers a broad spectrum of beliefs. God, the Bible, religions and the universe. The realm of life we originated from and to where we return, the afterlife/Heaven.

I did not write this post to start a debate about the Bible. Every one can do their own research as to how the Bible was created and the transformations it underwent. The Roman Catholic Church is the biggest culprit for revising verses out of context centuries ago. They thought they were the mega power back then. The only "true" church. They wanted people to be afraid and only believe in their teachings.

I have talked to a couple of mediums who truly believe God gave them their gift and gave them their life purpose to use that gift to bring comfort and messages of love and validations from our departed loved ones.

As mere mortals here, who are we to dispute it all?  We will know for sure when we cross over. I have had discussions with my kids on this. I told each one what signs I would leave for each of them, to let them know that I was okay and watching over them. What prompted me to do this, was a documentary I saw after the passing of the actor, Michael Landon. He was a deeply spiritual person. Before his passing, he told his daughter that he would leave a red rose for her to find, letting her know that he was okay, in Heaven with God. Sure enough, one day soon after his passing, she was coming down a flight of stairs and at the bottom was a perfect red rose.  All by itself, no people in sight. She had a medium reading some time after and her dad asked her if she got the rose he left for her at the bottom of the stairs. He knew she did, but it was his way of validating.

When my husband was still here, I did talk to a couple of mediums to find out about my father and my grandparents. I with held the info from my husband, because he was a skeptic. He came from a religious background, but upon his mother's passing, he quit believing. He took her passing very hard.  Could not believe that God would take away so soon a person he loved.  I had discussed my beliefs with him. I believe that we pass on to the next realm of life, Heaven, from where we came from. I told my husband that when he crosses over, he will be reunited with his parents, grandparents, and all the others he loved that passed before him. I told him that the pets we had would be there as well. He didn't believe me. He was so jaded from the loss of his mother, that he said when we die, that is it. Nothing. We do not exist at all anymore.   When I had my first medium reading, after he passed, he, of course, gained the wisdom and perceptions granted to us in Heaven.  He was no longer a skeptic. He relayed that I was right. Everything I had told him was true. He was elated at being reunited with his mother, his dad, his grandparents and of course, the pets. He was sorry, upset, of course, for leaving me. He didn't want to leave me. Was not ready. Wanted us to have a long life and leave together. He wants me to just keep trying. He sees what I am going through, without him. He is sad that we are separated, but is patiently waiting for me.  He also has full knowledge of my life and relayed the message that he knows I kept the info from him that I had talked to a medium about my father and grandparents.  He actually chuckled over this and told me it was okay. He understands now.

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KayC   

I don't tell others what to do but for myself, I heed the Bible as it speaks to me, and I'm pretty literal.  ;)

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Azipod   
On 11/11/2017 at 5:28 AM, KayC said:

You're right, KMB, it does help to give my attention to my pets.  I've been talking to George for 12 1/2 years now with no answer...I wish I knew if he hears me.  I think sometimes he does, but I don't know if he comes and goes or what.  It's weird to have a relationship with someone who is invisible and mute.

We have different beliefs.  But I feel that he is there as long as you want him to be there.  Time doesn't matter.  Time doesn't exist on the other side.  Time was created by humans, it's just a process for us to keep track of events over a period.   They don't have that on the other side.   Energy and the soul lives forever.   If you think about George, he will know, and will comfort you and visit you -- even if you cannot feel it.    But he is there....  I truly believe in that.

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Azipod   

Thanks everyone.  We practice our beliefs on what helps us.  I don't think anyone here is trying to instill religion or afterlife beliefs on anyone else.  What we are all sharing is our own individual views, and what we believe in that helps us, comfort us, and heals us.   It's all what works for us, as an individual.    We share our opinions and beliefs out of love, and our desire to help those who are here.  Some people may find our beliefs interesting and helpful, and may wish to explore them further.  Some do not believe in them or simply does not believe it applies to them.   That's all fine.     Just like handling our day-to-day grief work, it's different for all of us.    Some may find reading at the beach to be relaxing ..... others may find that they can be more in tune with their bodies by reading at home.  Neither is right or wrong -- it's just what works for you.

Recently, I have met a very nice older man who worked hard to introduce me into Nichiren Buddhism.  He bought me books, accompanied me to the community centers, and remained available at every step along the way.   Unfortunately, I wasn't feeling it.  The connection wasn't there, so I stopped.     But does that mean Buddhism is wrong?  No, it's just something that doesn't work for me..... at least not at this point of my life.

What may work for Bob might not work for Joe.    It's the same for our spiritual or religious beliefs.   Bottom line is that I encourage everyone to try something and have an open mind.   When is the right time?  Well, if you actually "thought" about wanting to know more about something ... then it's the right time.   That little gut feeling or that little spark of interest is all it takes .....  it may very well be that sign for you to check it out.

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KayC   
On 11/12/2017 at 5:23 PM, KMB said:

In my own opinion, I don't think God considers it a sin to make use of mediums.

That's your opinion but the Bible talks about it in Leviticus.  I usually stay away from conversations about mediums because I don't want to force my beliefs on others.  I believe the Bible to be the inherent word of God and I too use KJV because I have found it to be accurate, but I like the NKJV because it changes the thees and thous into more modern day English, although KJV is poetic and thus easier to memorize.

Azipod, I agree, everyone has to find their own way through this, thankfully we have the right to do so. 

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I’m so bored all the time now. I know that sounds trivial but I try to find things to do and nothing seems to take up enough of the day. Half days at work used to be these awesome things that meant we could be together sooner. Now they’re a nightmare that means Ill be stuck with nothing to do for even longer. I wish so much that we had had a baby all those times we talked about it and decided not to. At least I would have a part of her still to take care of.

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Paluka   
3 hours ago, Djh0901kc said:

I’m so bored all the time now. I know that sounds trivial but I try to find things to do and nothing seems to take up enough of the day. Half days at work used to be these awesome things that meant we could be together sooner. Now they’re a nightmare that means Ill be stuck with nothing to do for even longer. I wish so much that we had had a baby all those times we talked about it and decided not to. At least I would have a part of her still to take care of.

I have found myself sitting on the sofa thinking, zoning out at times or reading. I'll look up at the clock and it's midnight. It is very unhealthy for me to do this so I have been trying to other things even if they do not bring me pleasure. Pleasure is not my goal. My goal is to not be board or alone too much because it is overwhelming for me. I would rather spend this time as I used to do (with Lauri). Unfortunately, those days are over and it sucks. I still cry often but I have found relief in prayer and in talking to Lauri.

For what it's worth, I am happy to be always identified with Lauri. However, some day, I hope that I am defined by the beauty of our loving relationship. I do not want to live my life as I feel now; like I have a heavy anchor of pain always sitting on top of me. I have no idea if I can somehow get to the point where things are different. I will do my best as I honor Lauri and attempt to get to a new normal.

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KayC   

The days don't stretch out endlessly for me anymore, in time you get used to being alone and your new life, it takes years, but you get there to the point it's hard to remember how it was before, it feels so remote, so long ago you feel like you dreamed it up.  But we didn't that really was our life and we were so happy!  Holidays are hard, being alone on the holidays, it's not the same, it lacks luster, with no one to share in things with, just not the same.  In my early years nights were the hardest...sleep wouldn't come, I didn't know how to bear it.  I don't wish those days on anyone.  I'm sorry for you all going through this adjustment, it's long and it's hard.

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29 minutes ago, KayC said:

The days don't stretch out endlessly for me anymore, in time you get used to being alone and your new life, it takes years, but you get there to the point it's hard to remember how it was before, it feels so remote, so long ago you feel like you dreamed it up.  But we didn't that really was our life and we were so happy!  Holidays are hard, being alone on the holidays, it's not the same, it lacks luster, with no one to share in things with, just not the same.  In my early years nights were the hardest...sleep wouldn't come, I didn't know how to bear it.  I don't wish those days on anyone.  I'm sorry for you all going through this adjustment, it's long and it's hard.

It definitely already feels hard to remember how it was before. I watch videos of Kayla over and over and it feels impossible this was real just a few months ago. I don’t know how to bear it. I feel like I can’t. 

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