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Djh0901kc

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3 hours ago, Djh0901kc said:

I got a text today from a friend that just said screw them. When I asked what he was talking about he told me that my wife’s family has been all over FB again posting the worst things imagineable and blaming me for her death. They’re even accusing me of logging into her FB page and blocking them from looking at her account. Since they memorialized the page over three months ago no one can even log in. Her brother posted that someone needs to change her relationship status to single because that’s all she ever wanted but she had to die to get away from me. 9 people liked that post. All her family members but still. What the **** man?

I cut off all contact because of stuff that's not near as bad as this. These people are toxic. Perhaps one day you could do a page for just you and her if it's something you would view as worthwhile. 

I feel you on this though. It's terrible that they choose to take their hurt out on you and blame you and try to invalidate your marriage. Such cruelty. 

Only you know the nature of your relationship in your heart. Some people simply do not know how disrespectful they are being to our loved ones. I'm sorry this is happening. 

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1 minute ago, Paluka said:

I cut off all contact because of stuff that's not near as bad as this. These people are toxic. Perhaps one day you could do a page for just you and her if it's something you would view as worthwhile. 

I feel you on this though. It's terrible that they choose to take their hurt out on you and blame you and try to invalidate your marriage. Such cruelty. 

Only you know the nature of your relationship in your heart. Some people simply do not know how disrespectful they are being to our loved ones. I'm sorry this is happening. 

Yes you nailed the reason it upsets me. They are trying to invalidate our marriage. We were together for 15 years. Since I was 17 years old. But they are still trying to make it seem like it was nothing. Some flash in the pan. But that’s not what it was. To us, it was everything. It’s frustrating that without her here, there’s no way to prove this to them. You would think that all the selfies of us and posts that she made when she was alive would be enough. But apparently it’s not. I don’t understand how they reconcile this to themselves. Do they think I made her post things with a gun to her head? It’s crazy. What more do they need? 4 days before she died she posted a picture of us together at a baseball game. Why would she do that if she hated me as much as they say? This is getting me so upset even though I know I need to ignore it.

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18 minutes ago, Djh0901kc said:

I live in a small town of 12000 people

Where I live, 12,000 people is considered a big city. A metropolis. In the township where I live, the population is 300. Everybody does know everybody here. My husband and I used to joke that when we flushed the toilet, everyone would know in 15 min. And this is the country on top of it. My closest neighbor is a 1/2 mile away.

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12 minutes ago, Paluka said:

. Some people simply do not know how disrespectful they are being to our loved ones.

That is it in a nutshell. They are not truly thinking about a loved one at all. They are not thinking how their loved one is viewing them from Heaven.

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3 hours ago, KMB said:

That is it in a nutshell. They are not truly thinking about a loved one at all. They are not thinking how their loved one is viewing them from Heaven.

It’s just another reminder that no one will ever love me like she did. Today I had a discussion with a friend bout the new justice league trailer. I thought we were having a fun discussion until he flipped out and told me I just need the get over the issue I had with a certain a casting. My wife and I would have gone back and forth and that would have been part of th fun. With anyone else what I think is just annoying and weird. Just a reminder that she was the only person who will ever love me and I’m forever alone. I want her back so badly. Side note, I was so depressed today that I cancelled my counseling appt. I finally understand why I couldn’t get Kayla to keep her appointments but I’ll never get to tell her. What a fucking **** day today was

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11 minutes ago, Djh0901kc said:

It’s just another reminder that no one will ever love me like she did. Today I had a discussion with a friend bout the new justice league trailer. I thought we were having a fun discussion until he flipped out and told me I just need the get over the issue I had with a certain a casting. My wife and I would have gone back and forth and that would have been part of th fun. With anyone else what I think is just annoying and weird. Just a reminder that she was the only person who will ever love me and I’m forever alone. I want her back so badly. Side note, I was so depressed today that I cancelled my counseling appt. I finally understand why I couldn’t get Kayla to keep her appointments but I’ll never get to tell her. What a fucking **** day today was

I know exactly what you mean nobody gets me like my husband did. There are a lot of things we had discussions about and laughed about. Nobody gets the inside jokes we had. It is so lonely not having the one person here that understands you completely.

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Djh, I hope you have a better tomorrow. I know the word "better" is not a good choice of a word either. There are no good choices of words really. I just hope tomorrow isn't as crappy for you as today was. Maybe tomorrow you will reschedule your counseling appt.  And you are right. No one will loves us as much as our partners. And right now, that is a good thing. I wouldn't want anyone else but my Ed and I'm sure you will always want your Kayla .We had the best loves of our lives.

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29 minutes ago, Patti14 said:

It is so lonely not having the one person here that understands you completely.

Ditto, Patti!

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7 hours ago, Djh0901kc said:

It’s just another reminder that no one will ever love me like she did. Today I had a discussion with a friend bout the new justice league trailer. I thought we were having a fun discussion until he flipped out and told me I just need the get over the issue I had with a certain a casting. My wife and I would have gone back and forth and that would have been part of th fun. With anyone else what I think is just annoying and weird. Just a reminder that she was the only person who will ever love me and I’m forever alone. I want her back so badly. Side note, I was so depressed today that I cancelled my counseling appt. I finally understand why I couldn’t get Kayla to keep her appointments but I’ll never get to tell her. What a fucking **** day today was

I understand. There is something we only share with our loved ones, and no one else understands. I'm always being a weird girl and an introvert, but my boyfriend saw me as an angel and told me how good I am. Our loved ones are the only ones who know all our flaws and imperfections but still love us. I don't think I can find another one like him, also I don't really want to.

I'm sorry that you had such a bad day. Some of my friends did't really like my relationship with him even when he's still alive, they said it's hard to maintain a long distance relationship and told me to think about it carefully. I can say some of them were being jealous. They may feel like "look what I said" now but I simply don't care. It's so annoying seeing others judging our relationship with our loved ones while they know nothing about it. Grief is already hard for us, but bad things can keep popping up, though I think there's nothing as worst as losing our loved ones. Like KMB said "better" is not a good choice of a word, so I just hope you have a less crappy day.

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14 hours ago, KMB said:

I haven't gone that route yet with the subliminals. I have been reading about them though.

I'm really new to those things, lucid dreaming, astral travel ... I heard that some people met their deceased loved ones through travelling to the astral plane. I'm still "studying" about it. I've tried to play some music for astral travel while I was sleeping. Hope that someday I will finally succeed to meet my boyfriend.

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17 hours ago, Patti14 said:

They are being ridiculous. I know it's hurtful especially since you are already in so much pain. They are being nasty to you because they are looking for someone to blame. They only care about their pain and not thinking or caring about how much pain you are in. You don't deserve that. I am sorry. Just stay away from them and just remember your wife loved you and married you for a reason. 

I totally agree.  I'm so sorry, Djh, for what they're putting you through.  It may be best to not have any contact with them, including reading what they write about you.  You'd have to let your friends know you prefer not to know anything about them, it only drags you down.  It isn't about you personally, it's about their pain and they can't see anything else right now, but I'm sorry they've allowed it to manifest this way and especially sorry they're lashing out at you, the one person who loved and was closest to her.  What they're saying is beyond hurtful.  I would report it, but that's just me.

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10 hours ago, Djh0901kc said:

I finally understand why I couldn’t get Kayla to keep her appointments but I’ll never get to tell her. What a fucking **** day today was

Tell her anyway.  Who knows what they hear, what they don't.  I like to think George hears my heart's cry, whatever helps us through this, who can argue that.

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5 hours ago, KayC said:

I totally agree.  I'm so sorry, Djh, for what they're putting you through.  It may be best to not have any contact with them, including reading what they write about you.  You'd have to let your friends know you prefer not to know anything about them, it only drags you down.  It isn't about you personally, it's about their pain and they can't see anything else right now, but I'm sorry they've allowed it to manifest this way and especially sorry they're lashing out at you, the one person who loved and was closest to her.  What they're saying is beyond hurtful.  I would report it, but that's just me.

I did report it but Facebook is often so useless. Unless what they’re saying is illegal they will probably just suggest that I have a friendly discussion with her family. When one of them had her account memorialized and I was trying to explain to FB that her family did this against my wishes they told me they couldn’t unlock her account but suggested that I get together with her family to start a private group where we could share our memories together. I’m not convinced that it isn’t just automated responses they send out.

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21 hours ago, KMB said:

There will be more.Just be patient. I've read and heard from mediums, that when we cross over, there is a celebration with our soul family upon our return home. If we had a long illness or a difficult life, we go into a type of rehab place for our soul to process everything and recover. We have our life review. Did we accomplish our life plan?  Did we learn the lessons our souls wanted to learn? Did we fulfill the agreements made with other souls  for this life? What areas do we still need to improve on? Then it is back to our soul family and learning and being given chores to do. It is a happy, loving, peaceful life in the afterlife. And, of course, they are still checking in with us and doing what they can to guide us on the rest of our journey here.They are patiently waiting for the time we will be reunited with them.

That is beautiful and I hope this is true.  I have learned so much about the spirit world/afterlife after this incident.  I am a believer.  But the fact is that it's really the only thread that I have in this life that gives me some hope.  Either way, I suppose if I believe it and its about to carry me forward each day it is fine.  And if it's not true, then oh well.  I'll be dead anyway.

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Azipod, I hang onto my own beliefs because without something, I have nothing. Without nothing to hang onto, then suicide wouldn't be the big no-no deal everyone believes it to be. I just cannot believe that when we die, that is it. We don't exist no more. What would be the point of our existence in this physical world, if our spirit doesn't exist and moves on to the other realm of life?

Besides, there is too much evidence out there that does prove we do go on. All the people who have had NDE's, their stories so similar, cannot be wrong. A friend of my husband had an NDE a few years ago. He had cancer, which he fought and won that battle. He said the afterlife is just like here, only better. He didn't want to come back, but a nurse caught him going out and gave him an injection that brought him back. He says he has no fear of death now, because he knows where he is going.

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18 hours ago, Djh0901kc said:

It’s just another reminder that no one will ever love me like she did. Today I had a discussion with a friend bout the new justice league trailer. I thought we were having a fun discussion until he flipped out and told me I just need the get over the issue I had with a certain a casting. My wife and I would have gone back and forth and that would have been part of th fun. With anyone else what I think is just annoying and weird. Just a reminder that she was the only person who will ever love me and I’m forever alone. I want her back so badly. Side note, I was so depressed today that I cancelled my counseling appt. I finally understand why I couldn’t get Kayla to keep her appointments but I’ll never get to tell her. What a fucking **** day today was

I am sorry you had a shitty day. All my days seem to be f***ing lonely.

I have not had any energy to do anything at all this week. After Monday, I have been ill. I got the flu and I have been sick in bed. I think I got some germs from staying at the hospital.

I wish my body died of weakness so I would be put out of my misery. I got a terrible fever, a cough and hurting all over. Noone to take care of me. I hate my life now.... How could he leave me knowing how miserable it would make me? 

Anyway. I hope you're doing good. I will write on the forum more actively again when I get a bit better.

I havent been able to make any appointments for a therapist either. I can hardly lift an arm. He sould have been here to make me fresh OJ and chicken soup. 

Today, I realised I will never ever see him again. I did realise it before but it struck me on a different level today. I will never see his face, his gestures, he will never be there to take care of me. And maybe I'll start forgetting the little details about him one by one. Our inside jokes, how he kissed, his smell, how it felt when he held me warm at nights. Will they all go away and I'll be hit by a worse kind of loneliness? I hope I die before I forget these. 

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6 minutes ago, TooDevastated said:

Today, I realised I will never ever see him again. I did realise it before but it struck me on a different level today. I will never see his face, his gestures, he will never be there to take care of me. 

I started going into this phase of my grief too.  It is a very scary thought to conclude that you would never be able to share the moments with your loved one ever again.   Dealing with the initial onset of the passing is tough. But in this phase, it's even more difficult .. it's very different.  Your mind and body starts to remind you of your new life.  It reminds you of what you've had before, is not what you have now.  And not only that, what you no longer have now, will carry on forever -- whether that forever means the short term, another 3 months, or long term, 3 decades ....   but the message from the body is clear:  you will NEVER have that physical bond and prescence with that person again.   It is a very scary thought to imagine not being able to touch, kiss, hold, or otherwise phyically be with that person for the rest of your life.   And the rest of your life could mean 30+ more years.   Very scary indeed!

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21 hours ago, Djh0901kc said:

I’m not convinced that it isn’t just automated responses they send out.

I agree, their "help" is useless and I haven't found there's a real person behind the scenes, just automated crap.  It doesn't seem anyone reads our complaints and it's all automated, but I would still think they would be able to shut down slanderous malicious comments about someone.  :angry:

20 hours ago, KMB said:

Azipod, I hang onto my own beliefs because without something, I have nothing. Without nothing to hang onto, then suicide wouldn't be the big no-no deal everyone believes it to be. I just cannot believe that when we die, that is it. We don't exist no more. What would be the point of our existence in this physical world, if our spirit doesn't exist and moves on to the other realm of life?

Besides, there is too much evidence out there that does prove we do go on. All the people who have had NDE's, their stories so similar, cannot be wrong. A friend of my husband had an NDE a few years ago. He had cancer, which he fought and won that battle. He said the afterlife is just like here, only better. He didn't want to come back, but a nurse caught him going out and gave him an injection that brought him back. He says he has no fear of death now, because he knows where he is going.

Exactly!  I once said, "I believe we'll be together again.  If I'm wrong, don't tell me."  We have to have hope and I'm glad my belief system is strong enough to tide me over until then.

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5 hours ago, KayC said:

Exactly!  I once said, "I believe we'll be together again.  If I'm wrong, don't tell me."  We have to have hope and I'm glad my belief system is strong enough to tide me over until then.

I am not sure if my belief can ever be as strong as those of you that are religious. I am trying to believe as hard as I can, though.  As someone who used to laugh at the thought of afterlife or souls, that's as much as I can do, so far. 

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2 hours ago, TooDevastated said:

I am not sure if my belief can ever be as strong as those of you that are religious. I am trying to believe as hard as I can, though.  As someone who used to laugh at the thought of afterlife or souls, that's as much as I can do, so far. 

Me too. Me too

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7 hours ago, TooDevastated said:

I am not sure if my belief can ever be as strong as those of you that are religious. I am trying to believe as hard as I can, though.  As someone who used to laugh at the thought of afterlife or souls, that's as much as I can do, so far. 

 It depends on what you feel to be true for yourself as a human being in this physical existence. Do you feel there is more to you than your physical body and conscious mind? Do you feel you have an inner self, a spirit/soul?  If it wasn't for our inner self, our soul, giving us the drive, our personalities, for what we each individually do in this life, we would all be just the same here.

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18 hours ago, KMB said:

 It depends on what you feel to be true for yourself as a human being in this physical existence. Do you feel there is more to you than your physical body and conscious mind? Do you feel you have an inner self, a spirit/soul?  If it wasn't for our inner self, our soul, giving us the drive, our personalities, for what we each individually do in this life, we would all be just the same here.

Isn’t our conscious mind what gives us our personality and drive? “I think therefore I am.”

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Our conscious mind contains the accumulation of all the information we have taken in since birth. A baby doesn't know anything upon birth. All baby's  information is taken in by sight, sound, touch, smell, taste. Our mind learns as it grows. Our personality comes from our soul.

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I would say our personality develops from the accumulation of all the information we take in. For example, my personality used to be different. When my wife died, my experience changed in a way that also changed my personality. To each their own I suppose.

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My wife and I had a conversation a couple weeks before she died. She thought that maybe our souls were the spark of the divine left inside of us. It would explain why humans have always reached for something unseen that couldn’t be explained. Why we, as a species, have always hungered for an eternal afterlife. Because a part of it was still inside. Just enough to give the clue. I thought it was beautiful even if I didn’t quite believe it.

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14 minutes ago, Djh0901kc said:

My wife and I had a conversation a couple weeks before she died. She thought that maybe our souls were the spark of the divine left inside of us. It would explain why humans have always reached for something unseen that couldn’t be explained. Why we, as a species, have always hungered for an eternal afterlife. Because a part of it was still inside. Just enough to give the clue. I thought it was beautiful even if I didn’t quite believe it.

My boyfriend was the one who believed we had souls and all the other spiritual stuff. I hope that they are comfortable where they are and they are near us to see what we are going through and help us.

Today I found a keyring that said "I love you" in a dvd box. One of his fav films. I remember what a happy day it was that he got me that. I hate that everything is left intact and it is only HIM, the most crucial part of my life, thats gone! I wish I could reverse it..

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4 minutes ago, TooDevastated said:

My boyfriend was the one who believed we had souls and all the other spiritual stuff. I hope that they are comfortable where they are and they are near us to see what we are going through and help us.

Today I found a keyring that said "I love you" in a dvd box. One of his fav films. I remember what a happy day it was that he got me that. I hate that everything is left intact and it is only HIM, the most crucial part of my life, thats gone! I wish I could reverse it..

We watched tons of horror movies but in October we watched a couple every single night since Halloween was our fav holiday. Yesterday was Friday the 13th so I went to the theater to see Happy Death Day and then I spent the rest of the day and most of today watching our favorites. It’s ****ing lonely without her. I hope she’s still watching with me

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1 hour ago, Djh0901kc said:

When my wife died, my experience changed in a way that also changed my personality. To each their own I suppose.

Our loss is a traumatic event. It does change us. Whether temporary or permanent is up to us and how we evolve from the grieving. I've known people who have lost loved ones and after a period of adjustment, have developed the healthy attitude that life is for living and bounced back to their usual selves. They know they will see their loved ones again.

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4 minutes ago, KMB said:

Our loss is a traumatic event. It does change us. Whether temporary or permanent is up to us and how we evolve from the grieving. I've known people who have lost loved ones and after a period of adjustment, have developed the healthy attitude that life is for living and bounced back to their usual selves. They know they will see their loved ones again.

Life is for the living. I just don’t think I’m a part of that anymore. I’m happy for the people who are able to move on.

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4 minutes ago, Djh0901kc said:

Life is for the living. I just don’t think I’m a part of that anymore. I’m happy for the people who are able to move on.

I am happy for others that are able to move on also.  It has been just under 14 months for me and I know I'm not even close to moving on. But, people do keep saying it eventually happens. It can take years of effort to develop some kind of a different life for ourselves. For most of us here, our life partners lived a full life before crossing over. The ones who had chronic illnesses didn't have that choice of living a full life, but they did try until they couldn't anymore. We have to do the best we can. We have many years ahead of us yet. it is up to us how we choose to do those years.

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My wife didn’t live a full life or have a chronic illness. We were both robbed of more time together. And I have no intention of having many years ahead of me. I’ll do the best I can for as long as I can but when I’m done I’m done.

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43 minutes ago, Djh0901kc said:

My wife didn’t live a full life or have a chronic illness. We were both robbed of more time together. And I have no intention of having many years ahead of me. I’ll do the best I can for as long as I can but when I’m done I’m done.

Same here. I will never understand how or why this had to happen. 

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16 hours ago, Djh0901kc said:

 

My wife didn’t live a full life or have a chronic illness.

 

Some wouldn't consider a full life in how many years. A full life means quality, not always quantity. A person who leaves this life in their young years could have packed a lot of living in those short years. Just giving a different perspective----

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8 minutes ago, KMB said:

Some wouldn't consider a full life in how many years. A full life means quality, not always quantity. A person who leaves this life in their young years could have packed a lot of living in those short years. Just giving a different perspective----

I agree. Our souls come to “earth school” for development.  I’ve been told that my wife has completed her purpose here. We were soulmates for many lifetimes in the past. It was decided that we would come to earth but it was also agreed before hand that she would leave before I would, though in what manner it was not discussed. My soul’s growth is also behind hers. Her passing is meant as a shock and lesson for me, in order for my soul to catch up. This process is terribly painful but it is necessary for our souls to learn life lessons.

Sometimes I ask myself this question. What if we really wake up when we die? What if life in itself, is some sort of dream?

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2 hours ago, Azipod said:

I agree. Our souls come to “earth school” for development.  I’ve been told that my wife has completed her purpose here. We were soulmates for many lifetimes in the past. It was decided that we would come to earth but it was also agreed before hand that she would leave before I would, though in what manner it was not discussed. My soul’s growth is also behind hers. Her passing is meant as a shock and lesson for me, in order for my soul to catch up. This process is terribly painful but it is necessary for our souls to learn life lessons.

Sometimes I ask myself this question. What if we really wake up when we die? What if life in itself, is some sort of dream?

Our real life, our real home, is the afterlife. I've read that this life is just an experience, a realm in the physical, since it is faster to learn our soul growth lessons here. I've read that this life experience is like a play. We've made soul agreements with others for our various roles in this play. When our roles and lessons are learned or others have learned from us, we shed the physical shell and return home. Part of the reason why I am still here is because I still have soul agreements to finish with others who still in my life or will be making an appearance in my life yet. They will be coming into my life for my help in their souls growth.

I miss my soul mate husband every second and I agree that this moving forward is the most painful to endure. My consolation is that I know I will be with him again when I am finished here. Just the same as for you and Amy.

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I used to think our brain was the center...until my little sister had a baby born without a brain.  She had just a nubbin, the part that controlled reflexes like breathing, but no cognitive ability whatsoever.  She didn't have the ability to recognize her mother or father or brother.  But she could feel pain vs comfort.  No thoughts though.  But in knowing her the nearly two years she lived, it changed my thinking on it.  She definitely had a spirit and it was separate and apart from the brain.

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51 minutes ago, KayC said:

I used to think our brain was the center...until my little sister had a baby born without a brain.  She had just a nubbin, the part that controlled reflexes like breathing, but no cognitive ability whatsoever.  She didn't have the ability to recognize her mother or father or brother.  But she could feel pain vs comfort.  No thoughts though.  But in knowing her the nearly two years she lived, it changed my thinking on it.  She definitely had a spirit and it was separate and apart from the brain.

That’s incredibly sad. What a nightmare that such a thing can even happen. Poor little girl. I truly hope that there’s a better place and that she’s in it.

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Sometimes I think that Lauri dying was some sort of huge cosmic mistake. However, the truth for me is that sometimes life freaking sucks and crappy things happen. Could Lauri have been sort of scheduled to leave when she did? I honestly do not know. I don’t believe God took her from me. I do not believe God is cruel. As much as I hurt and as hard as this is we have Free will. This means ugly things happen, people get hurt, and we have to deal with it.

Lauri used to tell me all the time what a good man I am. She believed that because I was a good man that everything would work out. I have learned that while I am a good man and try my best to do right by others this doesn’t prevent something like this from happening. It does not stop me from trying my best to do the right things. 

I miss Lauri terribly. My spiritual beliefs have been challenged because I need to believe in the afterlife I thought I believed in before she died! I’m working on it. 

 

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8 hours ago, Azipod said:

Djh,

We all have different beliefs and you are entitled to your own as well.  We come here to find comfort for ourselves and share with others who may find comfort from us.

I find it insulting for you to say that my beliefs are ****ing nonsense. I’m not here to convince you to believe in the spiritual afterlife.  Even though you may believe that my thoughts are out of this world, there are others who may find comfort and healing from it. If you don’t buy into the belief, then so be it.  It is not necessary for you to call it ****ing non sense.

I’ve sat back and watched you insult our dear KayC, Francine, KMB, and now me.  That is not right.

We are all just here to heal and to help others. Please do not belittle others who may see things differently from you.

Thank you.

I deleted the comment before you even posted anything. I agree it was over the line which is why I deleted it. I’m sorry. If something brings you comfort then more power to you.

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10 hours ago, Djh0901kc said:

That’s incredibly sad. What a nightmare that such a thing can even happen. Poor little girl. I truly hope that there’s a better place and that she’s in it.

That is the one thought that helps us.  She had a really sweet spirit.  

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10 hours ago, Azipod said:

 

11 hours ago, Djh0901kc said:

I think that’s utter ****ing nonsense. You can believe whatever the **** you want but no one is ever going to convince me that my wife had completed her purpose here. It’s a mistake that she’s gone. I’m glad you guys take comfort in the things you believe. It’s not for me and it never will be. Whether I die tomorrow or in another decade it is ALWAYS going to be a mistake that my wife is gone.

Djh,

We all have different beliefs and you are entitled to your own as well.  We come here to find comfort for ourselves and share with others who may find comfort from us.

I find it insulting for you to say that my beliefs are ****ing nonsense. I’m not here to convince you to believe in the spiritual afterlife.  Even though you may believe that my thoughts are out of this world, there are others who may find comfort and healing from it. If you don’t buy into the belief, then so be it.  It is not necessary for you to call it ****ing non sense.

I’ve sat back and watched you insult our dear KayC, Francine, KMB, and now me.  That is not right.

We are all just here to heal and to help others. Please do not belittle others who may see things differently from you.

Thank you.

 

I couldn't find the original post Djh posted, perhaps it's changed.  And I'm not sure what it was written in response to.  But this is a reminder for all of us to treat each other with respect.  We come from different backgrounds and have different perspectives but that can enhance our understanding and in no way should we trample someone else for their beliefs and especially when we're trying to help each other through this.  I understand we're not at our best when we're grieving, we can be thin skinned, sensitive and not always thinking clearly, but that doesn't let us off the hook for personal attacks.

I didn't feel George completed his purpose here, he had so much purpose here, with me if nothing else!  Regardless of what I think about it, he's gone and I have to deal with it.  I do understand the anger at that, I felt angry about it at first too.  Eventually I had to let go of the anger as a kindness to myself because it wasn't good to hang onto indefinitely.

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On 10/14/2017 at 5:47 PM, Djh0901kc said:

My wife didn’t live a full life or have a chronic illness. We were both robbed of more time together. And I have no intention of having many years ahead of me. I’ll do the best I can for as long as I can but when I’m done I’m done.

I hope you find a reason to stick around and that you see something good and of value in your life.  I know it's hard, believe me, there's been nothing easy about any of this.  I have family to live for, but there have also been others along the way that I want to be there for too.  If I cut my life short, that is one less sunset I see, one less deer I enjoy.  I know that sounds sappy and maybe you don't feel those are reason enough to live but in learning to live in the present, it has helped me tremendously to value WHAT IS rather than merely compare to what WAS and come up short.  It helps me also to take one day at a time.  It is today I am living in.

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2 hours ago, KayC said:

I hope you find a reason to stick around and that you see something good and of value in your life.  I know it's hard, believe me, there's been nothing easy about any of this.  I have family to live for, but there have also been others along the way that I want to be there for too.  If I cut my life short, that is one less sunset I see, one less deer I enjoy.  I know that sounds sappy and maybe you don't feel those are reason enough to live but in learning to live in the present, it has helped me tremendously to value WHAT IS rather than merely compare to what WAS and come up short.  It helps me also to take one day at a time.  It is today I am living in.

KayC,

thank you for posting this. I struggle to stay in the present moment. I can handle only one day at a time. 

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3 hours ago, KayC said:

I couldn't find the original post Djh posted, perhaps it's changed.  And I'm not sure what it was written in response to.  But this is a reminder for all of us to treat each other with respect.  We come from different backgrounds and have different perspectives but that can enhance our understanding and in no way should we trample someone else for their beliefs and especially when we're trying to help each other through this.  I understand we're not at our best when we're grieving, we can be thin skinned, sensitive and not always thinking clearly, but that doesn't let us off the hook for personal attacks.

I didn't feel George completed his purpose here, he had so much purpose here, with me if nothing else!  Regardless of what I think about it, he's gone and I have to deal with it.  I do understand the anger at that, I felt angry about it at first too.  Eventually I had to let go of the anger as a kindness to myself because it wasn't good to hang onto indefinitely.

You couldn’t find it because I deleted the post about 60 seconds after I made it. I realized immediately that it was hurtful and inappropriate so I removed it. I’m not sure why he decided to comment on it but that is his right I suppose. I apologized to him in this thread and in a private message as well. 

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3 hours ago, KayC said:

I hope you find a reason to stick around and that you see something good and of value in your life.  I know it's hard, believe me, there's been nothing easy about any of this.  I have family to live for, but there have also been others along the way that I want to be there for too.  If I cut my life short, that is one less sunset I see, one less deer I enjoy.  I know that sounds sappy and maybe you don't feel those are reason enough to live but in learning to live in the present, it has helped me tremendously to value WHAT IS rather than merely compare to what WAS and come up short.  It helps me also to take one day at a time.  It is today I am living in.

I know you’re right. I just miss Kayla so much every second. I’m so lost.

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1 hour ago, Djh0901kc said:

I just miss Kayla so much every second. I’m so lost.

I know you are lost, Djh, and in pain, immersed in constant sadness. We all are. Some of us are seeking answers to our many questions of why our life got turned inside out. Whatever any of us finds out there that makes some semblance of sense to us, we hang onto to it as a life preserver. I was raised Catholic. I went to a Catholic grade school. My paternal grandparents lived their life according to their deep faith. They set a good example for me. Over my many years I have also come to understand and know that there are other things that can be sought out and learned about this life that the church doesn't teach. God gave us our minds to learn, to acquire knowledge, to make use of that knowledge, to have the ability to look at the questions of our existence from different perspectives. We were born as individuals and God gave us each an individual plan for being here. The people who come into our lives, are either with us for a long time or leave after a very short time. it is all for their individual soul plan or for ours.

I know you are in pain and missing Kayla. I do hope that in time, you will find some peace for yourself and find your individual life path in this life. Kayla was in your life for a reason. Please, do not let her down, that her time with you was for nothing. She taught you things while she was here, just as she was meant to. In turn, you taught her things as well. You helped her with her purpose, her souls growth. You both helped each other. In time, down the road, you will figure some things out. You will feel blessed and thankful that Kayla was here as a part of your life. At least, I hope you will.

Right now, you are in too much pain to gain much clarity and see beyond your loss. I fully understand this, since I was in your shoes not too long ago. Take care of yourself. Kayla will always be watching over you and she would wish for you to fulfill your individual purpose as well. By doing so, what she gained in her souls growth, what she helped you with in your own growth, while here, will not be in vain.

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24 minutes ago, KMB said:

I know you are lost, Djh, and in pain, immersed in constant sadness. We all are. Some of us are seeking answers to our many questions of why our life got turned inside out. Whatever any of us finds out there that makes some semblance of sense to us, we hang onto to it as a life preserver. I was raised Catholic. I went to a Catholic grade school. My paternal grandparents lived their life according to their deep faith. They set a good example for me. Over my many years I have also come to understand and know that there are other things that can be sought out and learned about this life that the church doesn't teach. God gave us our minds to learn, to acquire knowledge, to make use of that knowledge, to have the ability to look at the questions of our existence from different perspectives. We were born as individuals and God gave us each an individual plan for being here. The people who come into our lives, are either with us for a long time or leave after a very short time. it is all for their individual soul plan or for ours.

I know you are in pain and missing Kayla. I do hope that in time, you will find some peace for yourself and find your individual life path in this life. Kayla was in your life for a reason. Please, do not let her down, that her time with you was for nothing. She taught you things while she was here, just as she was meant to. In turn, you taught her things as well. You helped her with her purpose, her souls growth. You both helped each other. In time, down the road, you will figure some things out. You will feel blessed and thankful that Kayla was here as a part of your life. At least, I hope you will.

Right now, you are in too much pain to gain much clarity and see beyond your loss. I fully understand this, since I was in your shoes not too long ago. Take care of yourself. Kayla will always be watching over you and she would wish for you to fulfill your individual purpose as well. By doing so, what she gained in her souls growth, what she helped you with in your own growth, while here, will not be in vain.

I always felt like she was my purpose. She had had such a hard time with her issues and her family and helping her become the woman she was meant to be was what I was here for. Taking care of her and being her best friend and husband was what I was best at in the whole world. What’s my purpose now without her? If she isn’t here for me to take care of why am I still here?

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5 minutes ago, Djh0901kc said:

I always felt like she was my purpose. She had had such a hard time with her issues and her family and helping her become the woman she was meant to be was what I was here for. Taking care of her and being her best friend and husband was what I was best at in the whole world. What’s my purpose now without her? If she isn’t here for me to take care of why am I still here?

When I think of my husband and our years together, I believe that we came into each others life when we both needed someone to love and care for us. I was getting out of an abusive first marriage. I was scared, insecure, feeling not worthy of love. Abuse tears you down. My husband was still in his first marriage, but just hanging in there until his youngest was out of high school. His wife did not love him. She married him at the time he was entering the Air Force. He was a status symbol for her and nothing more. My husband lost his mom in the early 80's, had no siblings and his father was a difficult, ornery person. So, we both needed each other. I believe my purpose at the time was to give him all the love he had been missing out on and in the later years, I became his caregiver. His 2 grown children had their lives and he wouldn't have had anyone else to care for him and he told me many times how appreciative he was. He gave me the love I deserved, helped me find the person I used to be, before getting beaten down. He enhanced my worthiness, gave me self confidence. We gave and taught each other so many things that I couldn't possibly try to list them all.

As much as I miss my husband every painful second, I have come to realize that I had helped him fulfill the individual path he was here for and helped him with his souls growth. We both learned unconditional love. One of the highest, most sought after lessons a soul needs to learn. He graduated this earth school with my help and now he is in that beautiful, peaceful place of Heaven, waiting for me to complete the rest of my life path, whatever that might be.

Whatever Kayla's life path purpose was, what her soul wanted her to learn and accomplish, you were with her to help her with that. You were the one blessed and chosen. You and Kayla are soul mates. Your souls made this agreement between each other for this life experience for your individual souls growth. You maybe don't believe any of this, and that is okay.  In time, you will figure out the rest of your purpose here. It takes time and a lot of deep thinking trial and error,  searching your inner self. Kayla will be rooting for you and giving you whatever help she can. She knows that you need this time for grieving and processing. When you finish earth school, you will be reunited with her and proud of each other for completing your soul agreements and enhancing your souls growth.

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