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Djh0901kc

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1 hour ago, TooDevastated said:

Yes. It should be on her file. We were informed which organs/tissues they collected from my boyfriend. Haven't you or her family received an autopsy report or a call from the coroner?

I don’t talk to her family at all for the reasons I’ve mentioned. I talked to the coroner the day after the autopsy. They said there was no medical reason for her death and they were waiting for toxicology. 12 weeks later I got her death certificate. I’ve never heard anything about her organs. I didn’t have a phone for most of those 12 weeks because I turned it off to avoid the world but they had my mothers number and they never contacted her. I hope they got to people that needed them.

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When my daughter astral travels, it is for her own adventures of exploring. There are many different realms of life in the afterlife. My daughter says there is proof of life from other planets. Each planet has their own level. There are such things as aliens, in case any one is interested in that. But, her and her friends stick to the level from this planet. Being young, they like to explore the cities.They run into all kinds of interesting souls there. Our realm of the afterlife is just like earth here. Souls have bodies and enjoy life there, just like here. I've asked her about visiting my husband or her grandparents, but she isn't ready for that. She is a free spirit herself and is just enjoying how to do astral travel.

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3 hours ago, KMB said:

When my daughter astral travels, it is for her own adventures of exploring. There are many different realms of life in the afterlife. My daughter says there is proof of life from other planets. Each planet has their own level. There are such things as aliens, in case any one is interested in that. But, her and her friends stick to the level from this planet. Being young, they like to explore the cities.They run into all kinds of interesting souls there. Our realm of the afterlife is just like earth here. Souls have bodies and enjoy life there, just like here. I've asked her about visiting my husband or her grandparents, but she isn't ready for that. She is a free spirit herself and is just enjoying how to do astral travel.

It would be nice if each of us grievers can develop the ability to astral travel.   That would be so nice.

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11 hours ago, Azipod said:

It would be nice if each of us grievers can develop the ability to astral travel.   That would be so nice.

We do have the ability. We have to relearn it. Takes research, focus and practice. Everything outside of this earth plane starts with learning meditation.

We are all born with psychic ability. It is how we communicate when we are in the afterlife. When we are born, we still have that ability. Babies and young children can communicate telepathically. Once language is learned and we are taught from our family and the environment we live in, we lose the ability. Some people are lucky to be able to retain it. That is where our psychics and mediums of today come in.

Have you ever heard of children having invisible playmates? They were invisible to outsiders, but actually, it is the child's ability to communicate with a playmate soul from the afterlife. The child could see them and talk to them.

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TooDevastated
14 hours ago, Azipod said:

It would be nice if each of us grievers can develop the ability to astral travel.   That would be so nice.

Totally agree. I'd like to know what that feels like. 

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TooDevastated
2 hours ago, KMB said:

We do have the ability. We have to relearn it. Takes research, focus and practice. Everything outside of this earth plane starts with learning meditation.

We are all born with psychic ability. It is how we communicate when we are in the afterlife. When we are born, we still have that ability. Babies and young children can communicate telepathically. Once language is learned and we are taught from our family and the environment we live in, we lose the ability. Some people are lucky to be able to retain it. That is where our psychics and mediums of today come in.

Have you ever heard of children having invisible playmates? They were invisible to outsiders, but actually, it is the child's ability to communicate with a playmate soul from the afterlife. The child could see them and talk to them.

This is really interesting. I dont think anyone has more motivation to learn this than we do here! I will look into this. 

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I had a dream about Kayla last night. This would be the third one since she died where it was “different”. Like the other two, we both knew that she wasn’t alive. She was in our bedroom when I got home. She told me we could still be together and that she would always take care of me. When I woke up, I wrote down “Kayla says we can be together. Just have to date her in dreams.” Weird but when I woke up for good in the morning I did feel somewhat better. I told my mother about the dream and it totally freaked her out. She took it as Kayla wanting me to kill myself to be with her. I don’t really know what to think. She could be dark and morbid if the mood struck her. It wouldn’t be totally out of the question for her to want me to be with her like that. It’s been an odd day going over all this in my head.

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3 hours ago, TooDevastated said:

Totally agree. I'd like to know what that feels like. 

We astro travel when we dream. To do it at will and have memory of it, needs to be learned and practiced.

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1 hour ago, Djh0901kc said:

 

I had a dream about Kayla last night. This would be the third one since she died where it was “different”.

 

It is possible you astro traveled to her. Her energy connected with yours to go and visit her. Our souls/spirits are energy. It helps to keep an open mind that there are energy forces outside of this planet we exist on.

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I think I’ve accepted that Kayla still exists somehow somewhere. Maybe at some point I’ll get to a place where I can believe in God. Definitely not a Christian “by the book” God but a supreme being. The astral projection and telepathy and levels of the afterlife and everything...that’s beyond me. It’s always going to be further than I am willing to buy in. More power to anyone who is into that. It’s just not for me. I don’t want to say anything else that may come out wrong and be hurtful. Just not for me.

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It makes me think of the recent Doctor Strange movie though. I hope that’s not offensive to say

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I am so sorry for your loss. I understand your pain. I just lost my husband on 09/23/17. All I want is him back. I cannot accept he is gone. Nobody should ever have to go through this pain.

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I’m sorry you had to be here Patti. My wife has been gone almost 16 weeks and I still can’t accept it either. Like you, all I want is to have her back. I would burn the world for another day with my beautiful girl. I don’t understand why we’re all having to go through this. It doesn’t feel right that we’ve lost so much 

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On 10/3/2017 at 3:53 AM, KayC said:

Hmm, you're refuting something I have experienced.  

Could I ask what your experience was KayC?

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I had the NDE a couple of times, the first was when I donated blood and they said my blood pressure was borderline high but they took my blood anyway, and they started losing me, my kids were there watching.  It was very peaceful, and felt very compelling, alluring, to go, but I looked down and saw them working on me and the scared look on my kids' faces, and I knew I could not leave their dad to raise them alone, so I came back.  The second time was when I was over-anesthetized for an operation and during the operation my heart stopped, they had to give me compressions to restart it, and afterwards, I kept stopping breathing, repeatedly, for a couple of hours in recovery.  I remember how alluring it'd be to let go and just be in the next life, but I chose to stay because my dog and cat needed me here.  Both times I felt I had a choice, I don't know if everyone feels that or not.  But I felt I wasn't done here yet.  My time will come, as all of ours will and then we'll get to be with them, not to part again.

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20 minutes ago, KayC said:

I had the NDE a couple of times, the first was when I donated blood and they said my blood pressure was borderline high but they took my blood anyway, and they started losing me, my kids were there watching.  It was very peaceful, and felt very compelling, alluring, to go, but I looked down and saw them working on me and the scared look on my kids' faces, and I knew I could not leave their dad to raise them alone, so I came back.  The second time was when I was over-anesthetized for an operation and during the operation my heart stopped, they had to give me compressions to restart it, and afterwards, I kept stopping breathing, repeatedly, for a couple of hours in recovery.  I remember how alluring it'd be to let go and just be in the next life, but I chose to stay because my dog and cat needed me here.  Both times I felt I had a choice, I don't know if everyone feels that or not.  But I felt I wasn't done here yet.  My time will come, as all of ours will and then we'll get to be with them, not to part again.

This is very interesting and unimaginable for me

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I find it very interesting as well. I also can’t imagine the strength to pull back into this life. Especially for someone as confident in their faith. You really are a special person.

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Like I’ve said, I pray almost every night. Last night I realized I’ve actually come to feel like I’m really talking to someone. I know I’ll never believe in the Sunday school version of God but for me that was something.

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I’m watching the 2016 Chicago Cubs World Series documentary right now. It makes me feels so close to her. We were such die hard Cubs fans. Went to a dozen games that year alone. Watched every pitch of the season. Cried and held each other when they won. I’m so glad she got to see them break the curse. Silly to most people maybe but so important to us.

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3 hours ago, Djh0901kc said:

We were such die hard Cubs fans.

Kayla still is I would bet. Spirit can go where ever they want to. A medium reading I had last year, my husband asked me through the medium why didn't I watch the Army-Navy game. He and one of his spirit buddies had actually gone to the game.

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17 minutes ago, KMB said:

why didn't I watch the Army-Navy game. He and one of his spirit buddies had actually gone to the game.

My goodness, I don't have any words actually.

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21 hours ago, Djh0901kc said:

Like I’ve said, I pray almost every night. Last night I realized I’ve actually come to feel like I’m really talking to someone. I know I’ll never believe in the Sunday school version of God but for me that was something.

A lot of people don't ascribe to organized religion/church, but do believe there is something out there, perhaps a creator/deity, something bigger than themselves.  To me I find comfort in that, that feelings has always been with me, even as a little girl...and no I did not grow up in a Christian home, my parents were atheists until long after I was grown.  They used to make fun of me for my beliefs and when I was 16 they forbid me to go to church.  I'm not sure why, maybe it was a control issue.

I pray all the time, but I also talk to George.  I like to think he hears me.  :)

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On 10/6/2017 at 9:32 AM, KayC said:

A lot of people don't ascribe to organized religion/church, but do believe there is something out there, perhaps a creator/deity, something bigger than themselves.  To me I find comfort in that, that feelings has always been with me, even as a little girl...and no I did not grow up in a Christian home, my parents were atheists until long after I was grown.  They used to make fun of me for my beliefs and when I was 16 they forbid me to go to church.  I'm not sure why, maybe it was a control issue.

I pray all the time, but I also talk to George.  I like to think he hears me.  :)

Every night when I pray, I ask God to let Kayla come to visit me in my dreams. Then I ask Kayla as well to please come. Someone recently told me this is unhealthy. That I hope to see her every night in my dreams and am disappointed when I don’t. I don’t know if it’s healthy or not but it’s all I have left. I can’t live in a world where I never see her again. Even if it’s just for a short time in my dreams

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Djh, I do it all the time, mainly out of desperation. Which,  to some, would be considered unhealthy. But, who cares? it is our grieving and we do it our way. I have had success not asking. I have dreams come to me out of the blue, when I don't allow myself the expectation.

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Like you said, I guess maybe it is unhealthy but I couldn’t care less. When I dream of her it’s the best part of my life. And even though it’s terrible to wake up and not have her, it’s worth it to spend those few hours with her

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31 minutes ago, Djh0901kc said:

And even though it’s terrible to wake up and not have her, it’s worth it to spend those few hours with her

I agree. The blessing of the dream and the downside is the pain of reality.

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We can only hope to see them a while in our dreams.  I don't very often, but I'm glad for those who do.

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I used to dream about her every single night. Now it’s more like 4 out of the 7 nights a week and then I don’t remember the other three. They’re always amazing dreams though. I’m terrified that they will stop as I get further and further away.

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24 minutes ago, Djh0901kc said:

I’m terrified that they will stop as I get further and further away

I try not to worry about that. I had a lot of dreams in the beginning. Then they slacked off for awhile. Then I was having one every few weeks or so. I haven't had any for awhile again. No sense in driving myself bonkers over something I have no control over.

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15 hours ago, Djh0901kc said:

Every night when I pray, I ask God to let Kayla come to visit me in my dreams. Then I ask Kayla as well to please come. Someone recently told me this is unhealthy. That I hope to see her every night in my dreams and am disappointed when I don’t. I don’t know if it’s healthy or not but it’s all I have left. I can’t live in a world where I never see her again. Even if it’s just for a short time in my dreams

I saw my husband daily in dreams around 1.5 months, every single night and yes it sucks when you woke up from dream but you can't control on dreams. Now I see him less, but still sometime I see him and morning sucks always when I open my eyes.

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I've seen Lauri once in my dreams. It will be 4 weeks tomorrow since she died. I always hope to see her in my dreams but rarely do. 

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I dont usually see my boyfriend in dreams. The last dream about him was two days ago, saying that he refused to see me because he doesn't want me to be depressed. I'm not sure if it's really his thought or just my brain telling myself to quit feeling devastated. I played some brainwaves for lucid dreaming that night tho. 

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I got a text today from a friend that just said screw them. When I asked what he was talking about he told me that my wife’s family has been all over FB again posting the worst things imagineable and blaming me for her death. They’re even accusing me of logging into her FB page and blocking them from looking at her account. Since they memorialized the page over three months ago no one can even log in. Her brother posted that someone needs to change her relationship status to single because that’s all she ever wanted but she had to die to get away from me. 9 people liked that post. All her family members but still. What the **** man?

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3 minutes ago, Djh0901kc said:

I got a text today from a friend that just said screw them. When I asked what he was talking about he told me that my wife’s family has been all over FB again posting the worst things imagineable and blaming me for her death. They’re even accusing me of logging into her FB page and blocking them from looking at her account. Since they memorialized the page over three months ago no one can even log in. Her brother posted that someone needs to change her relationship status to single because that’s all she ever wanted but she had to die to get away from me. 9 people liked that post. All her family members but still. What the **** man?

They are being ridiculous. I know it's hurtful especially since you are already in so much pain. They are being nasty to you because they are looking for someone to blame. They only care about their pain and not thinking or caring about how much pain you are in. You don't deserve that. I am sorry. Just stay away from them and just remember your wife loved you and married you for a reason. 

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11 minutes ago, Djh0901kc said:

I got a text today from a friend that just said screw them. When I asked what he was talking about he told me that my wife’s family has been all over FB again posting the worst things imagineable and blaming me for her death. They’re even accusing me of logging into her FB page and blocking them from looking at her account. Since they memorialized the page over three months ago no one can even log in. Her brother posted that someone needs to change her relationship status to single because that’s all she ever wanted but she had to die to get away from me. 9 people liked that post. All her family members but still. What the **** man?

Sorry to hear that. People can be insensitive an as*****. Don't worry about them and just follow your grieve journey. They have no idea what you have lost so they don't know appropriate way of reacting.

Hugs

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21 minutes ago, KylieL said:

I dont usually see my boyfriend in dreams. The last dream about him was two days ago, saying that he refused to see me because he doesn't want me to be depressed. I'm not sure if it's really his thought or just my brain telling myself to quit feeling devastated. I played some brainwaves for lucid dreaming that night tho. 

I  only saw my LW in dreams as dead for first few weeks never saw her alive in dreams except one time.  I don't remember any dream of her for last 10 months or so.

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I feel so low right now. I know that we loved each other but we both had hundreds of friends on FB. A lot of those people are just going to believe what they read and think we had this terrible loveless marriage. I know those people don’t matter but it still makes me feel like ****. This is why I don’t get on FB anymore.

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1 hour ago, Paluka said:

I've seen Lauri once in my dreams. It will be 4 weeks tomorrow since she died. I always hope to see her in my dreams but rarely do. 

My wife only came to me once too.  Wished I had more.  But things have been awfully quiet in the past month.  I think my wife is busy taking care of her own things over in the spirit world.  I too hope that there would be connections more often.

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You feel like you haven’t made any progress until something happens and kicks you down so far you can’t see any light at all.

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1 hour ago, KylieL said:

I played some brainwaves for lucid dreaming that night tho.

I haven't gone that route yet with the subliminals. I have been reading about them though.

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1 hour ago, Djh0901kc said:

I got a text today from a friend that just said screw them. When I asked what he was talking about he told me that my wife’s family has been all over FB again posting the worst things imagineable and blaming me for her death. They’re even accusing me of logging into her FB page and blocking them from looking at her account. Since they memorialized the page over three months ago no one can even log in. Her brother posted that someone needs to change her relationship status to single because that’s all she ever wanted but she had to die to get away from me. 9 people liked that post. All her family members but still. What the **** man?

That is so disgusting, hurtful and horrendous. A dysfunctional family at their worst. Maybe what really bothers them, is that they don't have her to manipulate and use anymore.

Kayla was doing the right thing in improving herself as a person and wanting a normal life. You were a part of that normal life she wanted. Her family is resentful and using you as their scapegoat now. They lost their control over her permanently and are behaving badly. Do your best to let it go and ignore them.

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1 hour ago, Azipod said:

I think my wife is busy taking care of her own things over in the spirit world.  I too hope that there would be connections more often.

There will be more.Just be patient. I've read and heard from mediums, that when we cross over, there is a celebration with our soul family upon our return home. If we had a long illness or a difficult life, we go into a type of rehab place for our soul to process everything and recover. We have our life review. Did we accomplish our life plan?  Did we learn the lessons our souls wanted to learn? Did we fulfill the agreements made with other souls  for this life? What areas do we still need to improve on? Then it is back to our soul family and learning and being given chores to do. It is a happy, loving, peaceful life in the afterlife. And, of course, they are still checking in with us and doing what they can to guide us on the rest of our journey here.They are patiently waiting for the time we will be reunited with them.

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1 hour ago, Djh0901kc said:

 

I feel so low right now. I know that we loved each other but we both had hundreds of friends on FB.

 

Don't keep beating yourself up, Djh. It is pointless. I am on fb too. I don't have hundreds of friends. There is no way a person can spend quality time socializing with that many people. I have a very short list on fb. Just my kids and a few close friends. I guess according to social media standards, I am a social misfit. And, I don't care. For me these days, life is simpler culling out the toxic people.

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23 minutes ago, KMB said:

Don't keep beating yourself up, Djh. It is pointless. I am on fb too. I don't have hundreds of friends. There is no way a person can spend quality time socializing with that many people. I have a very short list on fb. Just my kids and a few close friends. I guess according to social media standards, I am a social misfit. And, I don't care. For me these days, life is simpler culling out the toxic people.

I know you are right. But it bothers me. We weren’t like the really young kids these days with thousands of friends but we each have 500 or so. People we have met through work, school, and every facet of life. The idea of all these people, however insignificant, thinking that I hurt Kayla or that we didn’t love each is killing me! I will admit that today, against my better judgement, had a few drinks when I got home from work. It’s usually something I avoid but I was so hurt when I was at work and read all that stuff. I just want to tell her family what she really thought of them. How she felt like her genetics were a curse she had to escape from. How she felt like her family was never there for her. I know I need to just let it go but it’s so difficult to watch them run me and our relationship down in a public forum like that.

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Djh,  Please don't worry about others opinions. They were not living with you and Kayla. They don't know the loving relationship you had. People are so quick to judge and believe the worst. It makes them feel better about themselves and their life. They have no interest in remaining neutral or seeking the truth. Some people just relish drama and rumors.

Stay away from her family. Telling them the truth would be a waste of your energy. Their minds are already set and nothing can be done to change what they choose to believe.

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1 minute ago, KMB said:

Djh,  Please don't worry about others opinions. They were not living with you and Kayla. They don't know the loving relationship you had. People are so quick to judge and believe the worst. It makes them feel better about themselves and their life. They have no interest in remaining neutral or seeking the truth. Some people just relish drama and rumors.

Stay away from her family. Telling them the truth would be a waste of your energy. Their minds are already set and nothing can be done to change what they choose to believe.

I know. You’re right. I just wish she was here to set them straight. To defend me and us. To tell them that I was her BooBoo Bear. That I took care of her. That I loved her when she felt like she was alone in the world. Today is just a bad, no good, terrible day. I’m glad I have you guys 

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I know that the opinions of others don’t matter. But I live in a small town of 12000 people. When I see the kid who checks me out at Walmart like a post talking **** about me, it negatively effects me. It makes me feel awkward and uncomfortable in my hometown.

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