Loss of Mother In Law

[KG0602]

Hi everyone,

This is the first time I have contributed to this forum and I want to just say I am sorry for everyone's loss.

I am taking the plunge and contributing here because I just need to see if what I am feeling is abnormal or totally normal and I just need to process.  A little back ground on my story.  My mother in law was in my life since I was 11, my husband and brother are best friends.  I am now 38 so that makes 27 years she was in my life.  She has always been sickly, suffered from MS for about 30 years but in March of last year she was diagnosed with stage 3 lung cancer.  She was told that if the treatments worked she would have a few years but if they didn't she would have a few months.  Needless to say despite the best efforts of a great medical team, she lost the battle in November of 2016.  From the time she started Chemo, in May of 2016 to the day she died she was extremely needy in her care because she didn't just need help because of the cancer but the MS.  This took my husband away a great deal of last year and left me to tend to our home, fiances, kids (3 of them) and all other things that need to be done to tend to life.  The end came quick so to speak, her rapid decline from October to November and it was very hard to watch, she forgot my kids names, starting hallucinating, yelling at me for no reason.  The final memory I had with her was having to feed her because she was to weak to do so one day when I was asked to care for her for the afternoon.  All this time I was there to support "in" for my husband, his sisters, my father in law, and of course my mother in law.  I made the arrangements at the funeral home because no one else could, I made sure there was food for my father in law once she passed and I sent messages to my sister in laws everyday for a time to make sure they were ok.  I grieved with my husband and my oldest daughter and tried to make sure they felt ok.

Now the dust has settled so to speak and I am so angry with her, with the cancer, with the lack of recognition for everything I went through this last year.  My father in law took "his kids" on an all expenses paid trip to Ireland a few weeks ago so they could relax after a hard year.  I feel like, why am I angry at a dead person?  Isn't that the craziest thing you have ever heard of?  I should be missing her and supporting people, not being ugly and angry.  It is starting to affect the way I view everyday situations with my husband and we are fighting a lot.  Has anyone ever been through anger like this?  How did you process it?  Did it go away?

 

I appreciate any help I can get!

[More]

I am sorry to hear of your loss.  I too have experienced anger in my grief journey.  I do believe it is normal to have anger at some point in your grief.  I would like to say it gets better but I am still very much in the anger part of my grief.  My grandma passed away in January and I am very angry/upset with my sister whom lived with her for 10 plus years.  The past two weeks or so have been much better as I have put my anger on the back burner and not really paid attention to my family.  It has made by home life much better with my husband and son.  I know I will have to get to it but I am just not ready to address that.  The advice I have it so try and focus on the good in your life and not dwell on the past, it eats away at you.  I am not going to say to avoid it because I know that is unhealthy but try to focus on your you and your immediate family and their needs.  Try to keep afloat and positive.  Hope this helps.