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     We lost our beloved 19 year old son 6/21/2017 and are trying to figure out how to go on.  The guilt is overwhelming.   We think about everything we didn't do right, what we should have done differently.  He was a very caring person and didn't have a mean bone in his body.   I  can't understand how this happened to him.  We are lost, we feel that we lost the best part of us.  He was so considerate of us and we can't believe that he did this. 

 

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I am very sorry for your loss. What ifs do not change anything, do not help anything and definitely can not turn back time. I wish I could give you a big hug because the pain is just sometimes unbearable.  Talk as much as you can about anything. Hold each other a little longer. You are not alone. 

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I am so very sorry for the loss of your son.  Your lives have been turned upside down and will never be the same.  I lost my Mother to suicide and I know there are no words to comfort you. I can only imagine losing a child, I am so sorry. My Mom shot herself and my daughter and I found her. She was the dearest, sweetest person you would ever meet. Never in a million years did I think that she would have done that. I never saw any signs.

You cannot eat, you are sick at your stomach, you cannot focus, you cannot sleep, you feel tremendous guilt, you have a million questions and you cannot stop crying.You will go through so many emotions like a roller coaster.  I cried so hard everyday for a solid year. It has been 3 1/2 years since Mom passed and I still think of her everyday and what we saw.

The things that helped me was crying, praying, talking to a counselor or friends until you are tired of talking about it, and please know that it wasn't anything you did to cause this. I have a theory that the problem lies in their coping mechanism. Whether depression, drug or alcohol related, medication related, whatever, I think super sensitive people may have issues coping and after a while, they get very tired and weary of their struggles and inner thoughts. They don't think things will get better and usually things will get better but they go through their inner downward spiral again and again until they can't cope. 

Unless one has experienced surviving the loss of a loved one most people do not understand the intensity of this nightmare. You will never be the same. You look at life differently, your priorities are different and you have less tolerance for drama and bull crap. Life becomes so precious. 

I know you do not realize it now but time does help. He has completed his short mission here on earth and gone on to his next journey. He is still watching over you and waiting until you see each other again. You must continue your journeys as hard as that may be. Look how strong you have had to be.  Look at the compassion you now have for those that are also experiencing this pain. Unfortunately it is through pain that we grow and build character. If you are angry at God, don't be, maybe he answered your son's prayers instead of yours. Your son is now safe and secure in loving arms. 

I don't think they realize how it would affect us, but I don't think he would want you to be sad. He would want you to laugh again, smile again and dream again.

It is still such fresh, raw pain for you and it will take a long, long time before you start to heal. Be kind to yourself, go to your happy place whether in your mind or a vacation. Give yourself as much time as you need to begin to heal.

I am so, so sorry you have had to experience this. I never imagined I would have to deal with this issue or pain. Hold on to each other and know it wasn't your fault.

May God wrap his arms around you and give you comfort, peace and strength. My prayers will be with you.

Sincerely, Sherry. 

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Thank you for your post.  It is now 2 weeks to the day he died.  I  can't close my eyes because when I do all I see is the last time I saw him when I went to the morgue to identify him.  Does that ever go Away?  I'm going through the process of stopping his cell phone, cancelling his car insurance, taking his car off our property taxes.  It feels like I am erasing him from ever existing.  It all removes a part of him.  I  have to close his bank account and go to the insurance office at work and turn in his death certificate for his life insurance.   I don't know how to feel about getting money because he died.  It feels wrong that there is a monetary value of him.  He was priceless.  

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No I don't think you ever stop but it will get tolerable and you will create a new norm, a new routine. Yes there are so many arrangements to be made. You are not erasing him just closing out this chapter in his unending story. I'm sure they never even realized what we will be left with. 

Once again, my heart is hurting for you. Hold on and be strong. You have your journeys to complete. I have faith in you.

God bless you and your family.

Sherry.

 

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