Sudden traumatic death

[Hbc83]

I lost my dad almost a month ago now, in a traumatic car accident. He was only 64, very healthy and active, so we were totally blindsided and unprepared for this. I was very close to him--much closer to him than my mom. He and I were very similar and I was always a daddy's girl. He was the person I would go to when I needed advice or support. He and my stepmom lived about 20 minutes from us, so while I have my own very busy life, we saw each other often. My son was his biggest fan and my dad would attend his soccer games every weekend, he was so dedicated to his grandkids.

I am functioning okay but just can't deal with this sadness anymore. I think about him all the time, how funny he was, how kind he was, how my kids are going to miss out on so much not having him in their life growing up. The stupid kid who hit him is going to be charged criminally soon, and I'm starting to get angry about the whole thing...why a guy like my dad, who was so beloved by everyone (450+ people showed up at the funeral home) had to be in the wrong place at the wrong time that morning. One minute he was totally normal, just driving to work, and then in an instant he is just gone forever. I can't even really believe he is gone forever.

When does it start to get better? I am skating by in a daze at work, am not giving my kids the attention they deserve and have zero energy for my marriage. The sadness is overwhelming.

[MayFGL]

Hbc83 - I am so sorry for your loss. What's more upsetting is that someone else took his life away. That really is not fair at all. I'm truly sorry. I know it's truly overwhelming. What you're feeling is normal. With time, it will get better. Everyone grieves differently. How are your kids taking it? Talk to your kids. Make sure they understand what has happened. Talk to your spouse about your grief. There are also grief counselor that can help. 

I'm glad you're here sharing your story about your sweet dad. He must've been an awesome and kind hearted person for so many people to show up at the funeral. 

Please know that you're not alone in this journey. We are here to support and listen to you. We are here for you. You certainly came to the right site. We all are on the same boat. We understand.

Please take care.

May

[Hbc83]

Thank you. It is just so hard. I just sort of assumed he would live to old age, he was healthy and fit. It was so unexpected.

My kids are 5 and 1, so obviously the 1 year old has no idea what is going on. My 5 year old was super close to my dad, but he seems to be doing okay. It's hard to tell because he tells me he doesn't want to cry and hates being sad. So if I try to talk to him about it and get emotional he just gets mad and tells me to stop crying. And insists he's not sad about it. So I don't want to press the issue with him but also don't want him to suppress his feelings.

[MayFGL]

Hbc83, yes your kids are definitely too young to understand. He probably thinks grandpa will be back and he's gone for a just a little bit. I agree with you. Don't press the issue. I'm sure he'll ask when he's curious. Just be ready when he starts asking for his sweet grandpa. 

I know it's hard not to cry in front of kids. I tried to explain to my nephew's kids where their great grandma went without crying. I wasn't able to handle it. I miss my mom so much. It's hard to believe that it has been 2 yrs 3 no. It's like it was yesterday.

My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.