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I lost my baby


Cassieann

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I lost my cat almost three months ago due to cancer. He was 18 and there was nothing we could do to save him. I don't know how to live my life without him. I dream of him almost all the time and it hurts when I wake up because the dream wasn't real and he's still gone. I feel guilty that I couldn't save him. I took care of him for 18 years but I feel like when he needed me the most there was nothing I could do. I was there when we put him down. All I kept thinking was he was thinking "why are you doing this momma?" It really hurts that I don't know if he understood what was happening or that I did what I did because I had to but not because I wanted to. I have severe anxiety as it is and this has not helped at all. I feel lost, broken, and dead inside. Everyone keeps asking me what will make you happy? The only thing that could make me happy is something I can't have, and that my baby boy troubles back. I'm so sorry for all of your losses I know how hard it is. All I can hope is that one day I'll see him again. Rest In Peace my beautiful baby boy momma loves you and misses you so much. 

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Hi Cassieann,

 

Sorry to hear about your loss! I recognize the things you write and it makes me sad. And to be honest: I have nothing to say that can really take away a little of your pain. We can only do so much to take away the suffering and pain from our furry friends. And from what I read, you did all within your power to do just that. But don't feel guilty that it wasn't enough to save your little mate. Take also the next step and forgive yourself: you're only human! I certainly recognize the anxiety, the feeling of loss and feeling dead inside. I experience it everyday now that I put my little furry friend to sleep 4 weeks ago.

What I find positive in your story is that you have friends around you that care about you. At least they ask what they can do for you. Although you may not have an answer (yet), I hope you will find one some day. Maybe a ritual to make your loss a bit less. For instance: I planted a little tree on his grave. And I will put some marble stones on it too (I'm not ready for that yet). Saturday I took a long walk with people from a foundation concerning anxiety. And one guy was really there for me: to hear my story ... and he put a hand on my right shoulder when my emotions took over. And those little gestures mean the world to me: because one other person put her hand on my left shoulder ... as if I got 'wings' now and a little of my burden has been lifted! I hope you can find some way to make your burden less ... time is your friend, but those real friends may also help you. Think out of the box and find a way out.

 

Cheers,

Izzy

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Izzy,

thank you so much for your kind words. It's really nice to know that I'm not alone in this. I'm so sorry for your loss. 

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I'm sorry you lost your cat...I had a 19 year old cat I lost to cancer, it's hard, I still miss him years later, he was my "greeter", he'd been our "family cat".  His name was George but then I married a George so I changed the cat to King George.  He did think he was royalty.

I'm glad you have supportive friends, that helps.  Wishing solace for you...

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As a "cat mama" like you, I would like to say how sorry I am for your loss of that gorgeous fur baby!!!! I really understand your pain cause I miss my baby too!!! I loss my baby due to cancer too (cancer sucks!!!) and it took a toll on his health as well. Please know that you don't have to cry by yourself, I will cry with you.....you and I ,as well as other angel parents will get through this one way or another. We will do our best to keep each other up from sinking in sorrow...be encouraged "angel mama" and be strong!!!!

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Hi Cassieann,

hope you're holding up ok. Thank you for responding to my post. Troubles was an incredibly handsome boy and I'm very sorry for your loss. I lost a 19-year old family cat years ago, he just never came home one day. The unanswered questions we get left with are the worst so I completely understand your pain. 

Its been 4 months now since my Tommy boy passed away, and I still cry all the time. Even now actually, which is why I go back to this forum. I want the exact same thing as you, just to have him back again. Animals are these amazing creatures, a pure and genuine gift to humanity. Tommy gave me this unconditional love that no human could ever give me. I miss that feeling a lot. It's very lonely now.

Keep your head up. We're all here for support. 

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