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Sadiepup6983

Sudden and soul shocking death of my mom

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June 2nd 2017 

i entered hell on earth I had just talked to my mother at 11:04 at 12:17 and 12:36 I sent my mother a message I starting getting upset that she dint reply to them but I what I dint know then was that she couldn't because at 12:15 my mom was walking on the gravel along a fence line when a vehicle went off the road and hit her killing her on the spot and throwing her 35ft it took his vehicle 137 ft after that 35 to stop at 230 I got the worse phone call ever my grandmother called but she wouldn't talk to me and my partner ran out of the room panic dropped my heart into my stomach and I followed her but she wouldn't let me in the room I could hear something and a car accident and then crying then my partner opened the door I said what the heck is going on she said giving me a hug the was a accident your mom was hit I'm sorry I dint want to believe her I still don't even after the viewing and funeral I still believe she'll come out of her room or call me on the phone this is so hard my dad ran out on my family when I was like 6 he's a live yet wants nothing to do with us and she's dead and did it's not fair why her I don't understand.......

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M88   

My heart aches for you, Sadiepup. I am so deeply sorry your dear Mom died in such a traumatic way.   Back in January last year my partner was killed whilst walking on the footpath by an out of control driver.  Like your Mom, he died an horrific death with many injuries.  Life can be so unfair!  I'm really sorry you had to find us but I'm glad you did. This is safe place to come to. 

There is a 'loss of parent' forum here at Indigo where you will find comfort, compassion, support and love from people who really do understand your pain. I'm not sure if many ppl come to this particular area of Indigo. 

I understand your pain and and deep sense of loss.  You feel like you're living in a neverending nightmare - have the feeling that this can't really have happened, not to my Mom, things like this only happen to other peoples families.   It's 75 weeks today since my darling was killed.   I still experience many different emotions each day.  And that living nightmare feeling.  Not as many times as in the past.  We can, and do adjust in time. 

I see you have a big family so I do hope you are getting the love and support you need right now.  Allow other peope to take care of you, do stuff for you.  Not only will that help you, but them as well.  You will be in shock for quite some time but a sudden, traumatic death is so tough on our minds bodies and soul.  It will take huge effort just to survive each day and sometimes you may have to live one hour at a time when it gets extra difficult to bear. 

Self-care is crutial at this time.  Do things in your own time.  Regular visits with your GP are very helpful and a grief counsellor is essiential. 

Again I am very very sorry for your loss.  Know that you're in my thoughts.

sending strength, love and lots of hugs Xx

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Thank you it's definitely hard there are good and bad days it's definitely a hour by hour thing right now I'm am mad why not my dad who wants nothing to do with me why her she was my mom my hero and my best friend there's an investigation going on they say it'll be atleast 3 months before we can do anything and before he will be arrested 

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M88   

Hi Sadi -  Life is a **** sandwhich at times - and far too often so unfair!  My heart really does ache for you - hugs. There can't be a death more painful to have to endure.  Surviving is about all you will be uo to for now.  Do whatever it takes to get through the hour, the day.  Your anger is understandable and I can't understand why careless drivers who kill someone, aren't arrested right away.  Our hurt is so much more when they're able to just carry on with their lives.  

Being kind to youself is so important.  I am only just starting to get my appetite back and sleeping for more than 3-4 hours a night, but I have been stressed to the max.  

One day you may feel like reading my earlier posts.  I've had an enormous battle finding out the truth about my partners death & having the driver charged.  Trial coming up in October - hopefully no more delays!   I'm in New Zealand, and you might have a better Police, laws & justice system in your country.

Have you got gd supportive people around you?  My kids, my friends and my neighbours have got me through - couldn't have survived without them.  

Sending you strength, love and hugs Xx

 

 

 

 

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Thank you today is hard it's the one month anniversary and it still doesn't seem real to me and I get so mad at post where people say god is sending a miracle your way no he's not the only miracle I want is my mom here and alive and that isn't gonna happen i saw her in the casket went to her funeral yet it doesn't seem real 

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Devianz   

I lost my son violently last year in July, and it never really feels real. There is a surreal quality to life now, and on bad days I even question what is real and what is fake. It feels so lonely at times, even though I have a loving partner and some people around me. Most of the time I feel like people around me are going to be gone in an instant, and the terror of that is so debilitating. I have very high anxiety most days. I don't like it when people say, "He's in a better place." or "He has a plan for your son." because I had a plan for my son, he had plans for his life and some violent ahole took his life from us.  That's not a better place. That's not his plan. It's not comforting for me when people say things like that, a better place is here with family and friends who love him. But I lost my faith a long time before my son was murdered.

Court cases can take a very long time. Just be prepared to wait for a long while before getting any closure on justice for your Mom.  My son was murdered on July 25, 2016 and they caught the guy July 26, 2016.  They have a signed confession, a video of the entire incident and a ton of evidence and still the defense puts in delay after delay after delay.  We've had so many potential court dates and still they keep pushing it out further.  They had it scheduled for September 11th, and just last week I found out they aren't going to meet that either.  It's a very frustrating and painful process to get justice.  Be patient and don't be afraid to ask others for help in your journey.  Taking care of yourself is so very important.

I saw my son's body before he was cremated, and it broke my heart. I saw the scar on his upper lip and I knew it was him, so I kissed his brow and said my goodbyes.  Like you, it's a memory that will always be stuck in my head. It's hard, really hard most days so I know how you are feeling. It didn't look like him, so the closure I was seeking was not there for me and still hasn't come.  Maybe after we get a guilty verdict... maybe never.

My sympathies go out to you, I am so sorry you are going through this.  it's the worst journey you can go on, and you are not alone Sadiepup6983.

Someone bought me a book after my son was murdered called; 'I Wasn't Ready to Say Goodbye' and it's a great book about healing after a sudden/violent loss. They have a workbook as well that is equally helpful. Here's more information:

I Wasn't Ready to Say Goodbye: Surviving, Coping and Healing After the Sudden Death of a Loved One by Brook Noel and Pamela Blair PhD

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Hi Sadiepup6983, 

I am so sorry to hear about your mother. I had a similar incident happen to a family friend’s daughter and the shock of the event can shake the soul very deeply. These things are never planned for, so unexpected, and we are left alone feeling so betrayed by life. We will never know why these things happen, it shakes our faith in God and in goodness. I know you are feeling so much pain and grief right now. I do want you to know that the pain will lighten over time.

There are no words that can take away the pain, but a practice of meditation and tuning into God (or whatever you wish to call the higher power) can help. Death seems to put us on the fast track to spirituality as we are seeking answers  desperately and we are left needing to know the meaning of life. I believe we all are connected and exist together on an eternal level. This means that even after the physical body dies, we continue to exist in our spirit form. Your mother is now in her spirit form, she still exists but just not in the way you knew her when she was physical. This is good news because it means you can learn to connect to her in her spirit form.

When loved ones die before us they begin to exist within our own heart. If you can quiet your mind I am sure you can feel her and hear her. She loves you and never wanted you to suffer. She knows how much pain you are in but she wants you to know that she is okay and free. I hope this helps a little bit. 

Sending you love and support, 

Julie

Edited by ModKonnie
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