Jump to content
Online Grief Support, Help for Coping with Loss | Beyond Indigo Forums
  • Announcements

    • ModKonnie

      Advertisements   09/05/2017

      Hi all,  I'm sure you've noticed some changes in the forums. We've again had to do some updates, so that's why things may look a little different. Nothing major should have changed.  Also, we are going to start adding advertisements sensitive to our community on the boards. This is something we are experimenting with, and we will certainly make sure they are in the best interests of everyone. We want to make sure our forums continue to stay accessible and cost free to all of our members, and this is a way to ensure this.  If you have any questions or comments, please feel free to privately message me or email me at Konnie@beyondindigo.com.  As always, we will be here with you, ModKonnie
Sign in to follow this  
Bellamama7

Baby Bella

Recommended Posts

My beautiful, strong brilliant lil girl passed away on May 29... she was only 7 months old and my entire body aches. I need her back, I don't know how to grieve or where to start. I cry every day and can barely sleep, I feel so alone in this because I don't know anyone who has lost a child and I'm tired of hearing ppl say I know what your going through. I'm living hell on earth, they can't know this pain or the regret or doubt that goes through my head. I really need someone to talk to. Tell me what has worked for them.. I know I will feel this pain forever but I need to know how to start living again for my other son. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
FMAMum   

Hi. I just read your post and had to sign up to to tell you that I'm in a very similar place. My beautiful daughter died on the 29th April. She was 8 months old. I'm sad to read how bad you're feeling. I'm afraid I can't give you any words of wisdom because I'm still suffering so much. I don't have any other children so my husband and I have closed the curtains and barely leave the house. I don't want to see anybody else out with their babies.  I don't even want to speak to my family who I'm usually close to. All I want is my gorgeous girl back. You are spot on when you said it's hell on earth. Sorry if my message isn't as positive as you'd hoped for but your post struck such a chord with me that I had to reply. I hope things get easier for both of us soon X

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Bellamomma7 and FMAmum I am so sorry you both lost your daughters. It is a loss you never get over but in time with grieving properly it does ease a bit and you can very slowly find light in your life again. It takes a long time so dont worry when ignorant people expect you to get over it. You dont get over it you get through it. I lost my son aged 24 in 2015 and am slowly getting there. I had a mental breakdown and developed anxiety and agoraphobia so I totally get how you feel. I have a great psychiatrist and had a wonderful grief counsellor for a year who really helped to pull me back into life. Counselling when you are ready is really worthwhile. I understand it is so painful that you do not want to talk about it but if you constantly push your emotions down to try to be "normal" for other people it backfires big time and you end up cracking up later on. The most active thread on this forum is Loss of an Adult child please join us there and we can listen to you and hold your hand figuratively through this awful process. You are not alone ok? We have all lost children some were babies others older and some adult children but we have all been through that painful grief process and can offer some personal insight and support to you both. Please join us as you will be answered more quickly as we try to keep together in one place. i wish you both well and hope to connect with you again.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Mike P   

Bellamomma7 and  FMAmum, I'm so sorry to hear about your daughters! What agonizing pain! I remember going to my son's grave and wanting to claw at the dirt and get him back. Of course, I didn't, but I wanted to desperately. You both have come to a good place when you signed up here because all of us here have been through what you have and have a good idea of what you are going through. I would really encourage you, along with Tommy's mum, to get counseling to help you with such a tremendous loss. Also, find friends both in person and online who will listen to anything and everything you have to say and not try to judge or criticize you. The people here only want to help you and they have been where you are now. Like Tommy's mum says, don't push your emotions down. Get them out. You will go through some wild mood swings from "everything's normal and okay" to wondering why you don't just shrivel up and die to anger. Let it all out. Get a journal that is only for  you to read, and write everything down that you are thinking, feeling, and doing. Everything. Keep at it as often and as long as you need to. Don't worry about what you put in there, it is only for you to read and the purpose is to get everything out as thoroughly as you can. Also, be easy on yourself. Get through the day the best you can, then give yourself credit that you got through it, even if you got through it horribly. You still got through it. If you have any questions or whatever you want to ask the people here, please feel free to comment or ask. We are here  for you.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
FMAMum   

Thank you Tommy's Mum and Mike P for your supportive replies. There are indeed some days that are a lot worse than others. A lot of the time I feel like I'm losing my mind and I'm not coping with the pain. I've been drinking too much and taking my anger out on my husband which is messy and horrible. I know I need counselling but I haven't even felt up to speaking to my sister who I was very close to. Every single thing feels like an unbearable struggle. I just miss my darling girl so much and she is all I want. I can't stand this new reality. I've always dreamed of being a Mum and I was so happy. I feel like I have nothing to live for now. Fearne was all I ever wanted.

IMG_0853.JPG

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

0a95681b1f2e6c217f604615fdb710f1.jpg.7ed5c6406dcf7f17476edab50be63026.jpg

11a227bf1292f9c23591cf4b13d43a2f.thumb.jpg.45af2442b704ace8488829394c027970.jpg

1555339_10151910669013753_603426205_n.png.e3d7c1f2d68cd652607f9eb686affcbb.png

Fmamom I know how you feel it was a very very long time before I even felt a spark of life I was dead inside, alternately crying desperately and being numb. Both states are very painful and you feel out of control. Being angry is also very normal and it seems your husband is the nearest target. I am very close to my 3 siblings but I developed a bizarre phobia of the phone and could not speak to my brother and sister for several weeks. My other sister lives down the road so I could speak to her and my parents but my own 3 children all adults were in their own world of shock pain grief and anger and we all could not connect. Your little Fearne is adorable you must miss her so much I am so sorry. When our children pass they never pass alone someone from the other side comes to fetch them and although you cannot see her or hold her in your arms she is still with you every day and she is OK I promise. You will also see her again but not for a long time and that is what is so hard to bear, that physical ache all that loveyou have for her but in time, a long time from now the pain will slowly slowly ease and you will be able to see the light again and be able to live again but the here right now I know is unbearable. All of us on this site have lost children I am so glad you came back and posted. WE understand like noone else can because we have all been there personally and been in the shoes you are wearing and it is a soul destroying time but be brave be strong and deal with one day at a time hell sometimes even one hour at a time and post here. We will support you every step of the way and not judge or criticise your thoughts emotions or feelings and beliefs because we understand the chaos and pain and suffering you are going through. Please come back and tell us a liitle more about your little girl we are here to listen and support ok you are not alone.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now

Sign in to follow this  

×