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So so angry

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My grandmother died in January of this year.  She was the best woman I knew.  My older sister lived with her for the last 12 years, along with her 3 kids and their father.  I knew a lot of what went on in the house over the 12 years (some good, some bad).  During the 5 months since Gram has passed, I have found out some more.  I am so so angry at my sister for the grief she put my grandma through.  I am beyond pissed and cannot stand to think of her with any thoughts that are nice.  My grandmother opened her home to her and her family and while there was some good that happened, I can't help but think of the bad and how that affected my grandma.  I am angry at my grandmother for helping to enable my sister over the last 12 years.  I am angry at myself for being upset with her.  I am pissed at my parents for also providing the enabling...even now after my grandmother's death.  My sister is still in her house, not paying a damn dime and is acting like everything is fine.  And then when I express myself to my family all I get is, "your sister is going through a tough time, your sister is the one who lived with her, you should be nice to your sister, spend time with her."  I want to scream, yell, hurt something.  I do NOT want to spend time with her, show her compassion.  She is selfish, I want to tell her this.  I want her to know that she is not a good person, that she hurt grandma and does not deserve to still be in that house.  I want to see her hurt.  Even as I type this, I know it is wrong on some level but damnit, she has done enough.

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Dear More,

I am so sorry. I know the pain and sorrow you feel is deep. It is only normal to have anger about what happened. Take the time to express yourself here. Let the thoughts and feelings out.

Families are not easy. We all have such different perspectives. I hear where you are coming from and I'm sorry your family's behaviours have disappointed you. It is hurtful. Please know you are not alone.

We all want the love and support of our families. And we want them understand us, but sometimes they just don't know how to give us what we want.

I know its easier said than done, but try to surround yourself with others who do understand.

Thinking of you. Take care and please know we are here with you.

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Thank you for your reply Reader.  I have spent that past few days moving away from my family.  I have focused more on my immediate surroundings and have felt a little better.  I don't like feeling angry and bitter so for now I am just avoiding.  I know I will have to deal with it eventually.  Just not now.

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Dear More,

I am sorry for what you are going through.  Family dynamics can be so painful and I speak from my own experience with my sister after loosing my mother a few months ago.  You didn't say what happened though?  Your sister lived with your grandmother for 12 yrs.  Did something specific happen that you found out about?

Distance helps a bit I think so you can process it all.

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My sister has been selfish while living with her.  Doing what she wanted when she wanted, fighting with her significant other so that others in the house could hear, and a few other things as well.  I learned most of this after Gram passed. 

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Dear More:

How are you doing? I too also have feelings of anger with my siblings after my dad's passing. It is a struggle.

Take care and please let us know how you are doing.

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13 hours ago, reader said:

Dear More:

How are you doing? I too also have feelings of anger with my siblings after my dad's passing. It is a struggle.

Take care and please let us know how you are doing.

How did you control yourself?

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I have not been back to this thread in a while, my apologies.  I am doing alright, thank you reader.  I am coping with my emotions better.  I am still fairly distant from my family though I have come to realize that I need to come to terms with my emotions.  I plan on letting my family know how I feel and then moving on from it.  It is in the past, I cannot do anything to change other people, I can only change myself. 

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Dear More,

Thank you writing back. Glad you are doing better. I think you are right. We must focus on the present because the past cannot be changed.

Take care of yourself.

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