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missdad

What did you do the First Father's or Mother's Day

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missdad   

My dad died three months ago and this will be the first Father's Day without him. I am dreading it. My husband and I have kids, so I will be with him. But still, I want to honor my own dad. His grave is across the country, so I can't visit there. I was just wondering what others did on Mother's Day or Father's Day to honor their parent. Thanks

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reader   

Dear missdad,

I'm very sorry for your loss. I have been thinking the same thing, its also my first Father's Day without my dad. Its hard a one. I know I will visit his grave site and bring him his favorite coffee and some flowers. I have donated some money in his memory to his favorite charity. He loved watching sports, so maybe I will have the sports channel on that day. Maybe try and have some of his favorite foods that day as well.  I am curious to see what others suggest. I know I need to create new rituals but I'm not sure what yet.

Thank you for posting this.

 

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I didn't even realize it was fathers day. I lost my dad around mid April and still feels like I just buried him.

I am going to borrow my friends car and drive to his graveyard now in that case. What I usually did right after he passed way donate little money to charities. So I'll do that today as well right before I visit him.

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The Girl   

What I don't think other people realize is that it isn't just that day (mothers' day/fathers' day), but the days leading up to it.  For me, it was my first mothers' day, and I never realized before how thrown in your face it is for about two weeks leading up to it and a few days following.  B/c of that, I wanted to avoid thinking about it at all on mothers' day.  

I would suggest staying away from social media next weekend, and even next Monday.  I spent the weekend with a book and my phone on silent, b/c some people will check in, and for me that was just another sad reminder.

I think we all have all we need to honor our lost parents right in our own heads.  Memories.  You can honor your dad by remembering him.  

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missdad   

You all make good points. The Girl, you are spot on. It is also the days leading up. I am dreading it in advance just like I dreaded my birthday and his upcoming birthday. I don't know why the "Firsts" are bothering me so much. I know I'll still miss him when it's the second Father's day without him. But something about the "firsts" is making me so sad. Anyway, thanks to everyone who responded. :)  

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Dgiirl   

I agree to the days leading up to father's day has been very hard.  It was a huge slap in the face the day after mother's day when all the decorations for father's day went up around here.  I hate shopping and seeing all the gifts for Dad.  It is also hard because this weekend was 6 months since my Dad's passing.  It went by too fast and I'm dreading time moving forward.  It feels like I'm being pulled away from my Dad as each day passes.  I don't want time to move forward.  

I have heard the seconds can often be harder than the firsts because it sinks in our loved one is truly gone.

I also get so resentful of those who don't want to celebrate father's day with their living father.  I would give anything for just one more day with my Dad.  One more hug.  One more smile.  One more "I love you with all my heart and soul"

I think the best way to honor our loved ones is to do what you would have done if they were alive.  My Dad loved nature and he often told me to relax and go for a walk in the woods.  Now, I hear his words every time I go for a hike. It hurts but is also comforting

 

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Olgaflor   

This will be my first father's day without my father.  Staying away from media will be a great idea and devote your time at church or even meditation.  Honor him spiritually. I am sure he can hear you (so I been told).  

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