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Izegrim

My little furry hero is gone ...

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I thought I'd mentioned it once before, but put a piece of plywood or metal over the grave so the chickens can't disturb it.  I live in the country and when my friend buried his dog, we had to do that so other critters couldn't dig it up.  After a year or so it should be safer to remove.

I don't know how old you are, but since your mom isn't taking care of it, maybe you could deal with the situation yourself.  Some people just don't realize how devastating it is to lose a pet because they're not a "pet person", they don't feel the loss like you do. I'm sorry you're not feeling validated by others, but I hope you realize your feelings are very valid and give yourself that validity.

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I am so sorry for your loss Izegrim. I truly know what you are going through. It takes everything you got to keep going. 

Remember that your cat loved you and appreciated everything you did. He will always be with you my friend.

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Just posting a pic ...

20170524_123613.jpg

My little friend in his grave ... resting as if nothing happened. I still miss you ....

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I feel so dead inside ... only if I drink I can bare to listening to music. But music has always been my saviour during my life. Now every sound seems to bother me ...

 

Even when I listen to some online radio station, where I made some friends, I break down when tuning in ...

 

I went to a friend two weeks ago (an Asperger too) and he showed me how lonely I am ... In his mind he's very rational. And I understand him very well. I'm not denying that he's right. But what bothers me is that he fillets the emotional side out of things. He analyses the things almost like I do, but he leaves the emotional part completely out of it.

 

Sometimes I admire that part, but on the other hand: I feel the pain and it makes me feel alive! But somehow I can't deal with it ... that's the empty gap between Autism and sensitivity for me.

Kat 2.jpg

I miss you so much ... my little friend

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I'm so sorry you're going through this.  The death of my husband has been the worst loss in my life, we were soulmates, but the next worst loss to me has been my animals.  We interact with them every day, they are so much a part of our lives, our routines are deeply ingrained with them, they are so loving and bring us smiles, and de-stress us as well!  I just feel they are one of God's greatest gifts to us.  I feel your pain, I wish I knew some way to alleviate it, but I only know one way through grief and that is straight through it, letting ourselves feel it and experience it.

Just a caution, alcohol is a depressant, not something we need when we're grieving.  That said, if a drink relaxes you, go for it, just be careful not to overdo.  

I have a close friend who is Asperger's.  His emotion is tied up with odd things, not always what you'd think.  I've seen him seem to unfeeling when you'd expect him to feel something, and cry over things you wouldn't think would affect him.  I just think it affects the emotions but not always rationally.  Knowing this about him has helped me adjust my expectations so I just think, it's just how he is and accept it.  Analysis is fine but I wouldn't want to be solely analytical and not feel anything either.

BTW, beautiful pictures...

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Just another two pics ... it's ten weeks today. The project is still going, but I don't seem to get anywhere myself ...

20140103_152554.jpg

20170430_123323.jpg

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I love that picture, the markings are beautiful!

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What I liked about his physic is the symmetry ... I don't know if I could stand a pet that didn't have that. Asperger anyone? ;)

 

 

20150212_113052.jpg

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Izegrim, I have been reading your posts. I have been wanting to respond, but what you write always has me crying before I can attempt to write you.  I am so deeply sorry your lost your best friend. I have pets myself and have lost quite a few over the years. I had a special bond with each one and took their losses very hard for a long time. I decided to block the tears, the pics of your cat are wonderful, and respond to your latest, because I was drawn to your comment about the symmetry of your cat's body. I agree, cats have such a graceful, perfect symmetry to their form. They are pure magic when at rest or moving around. God created each animal so perfectly with their individual forms, symmetries, grace and power. Their own individual markings are so unique. We know in our hearts that only God could have created such beauty as in animals.

I know how much in pain you are with losing your fur friend. Have patience with yourself. Always remember, he is with you spiritually, walking alongside you.

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Thank you very much for persevering to send me a message to comfort me ... I just found an 'intimate' pic of me and my cat I want to share.

 

20170507_223709.jpg

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On 8/5/2017 at 8:12 AM, Izegrim said:

What I liked about his physic is the symmetry

Very beautiful markings, indeed!

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That's very nice.  It helps to have some way to honor our loved ones that have passed, and this is a very beautiful tribute.

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Drunk or sober, I'm still crying my eyes out. It's like I'm walking backwards in all of this. As if the little things that I missed in the beginning and forgot, all come back to haunt me ...

 

4 months on and not one step of progression ... still trying to let go of my grief, one stone a day, but not succeeding ... I miss him soo much *crying*

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Izegrim,

I am so sorry you are still enduring so much pain. I know it isn't easy when we lose a pet. They are a very special part of us. Have you considered volunteering at an animal shelter? All the animals in shelters need someone to spend time with them. They need affection, attention, to help keep them socialized while waiting for a new home. Maybe you could check it out? You could spend some of your time with petting cats, playing with them. It is healing for us to find ways to get out of our own heads and grieving for a while. We need to find other ways to direct our focus so we are not getting stuck in our grieving.  I wish you well and you are always in my prayers.

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It is easy to get stuck. I am six weeks now without my cat and still I am easily able to slip back in a very dark place. I am so sorry for your loss, your kitty was so sweet. The loss is incredibly hard. That cat will never be replaced... however, for me, I love cats so much and I know so many need a good home with someone to take care of them. So I will be adopting in a couple months. Have you thought of that? 

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17 hours ago, Izegrim said:

4 months on and not one step of progression

That is not surprising to me.  They say the measure of our grief is determined by the depth of our relationship.  Those who find themselves here are the ones who were extremely close to our pets and are struggling.  It can take a long time for the intensity to fade, for us to make any adjustments, it's hard.  I think losing a beloved pet is next only to when I lost my husband.  My dog is everything to me, and even though my cat is extremely independent and grumpy, I love her and don't want to lose her.  I already lost my Miss Mocha, that's hard enough, but I know the day is coming I'll be dealing with this with Kitty and Arlie too.  I only know that every day we have them is a gift, we don't get guaranteed any measure of time with them, I knew this the day I adopted them, and yet we hope against hope that this is not so, that we'll have them forever.  Well in a way I guess we do, just not in this life, not physically here...there comes a time we have to wait to be rejoined with them and it hurts like hell.

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I'm glad!  One thing I've learned in grief is not to compare and throw out the "shoulds"!  You are right where you are supposed to be in your grief and it takes as long as it takes!  It is us who get impatient with ourselves but we need to realize that everything we are experiencing is "normal" and extend ourselves the same courtesy and patience and understanding as we would readily give someone else.

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145 days .... still crying my eyes out .... but there seems to be some change, but I can't put my finger on it. I do know that have trouble coping with the grief itself ... afraid to let go. Feeling like I'm betraying my little mate if I let go ... is this the guilt kicking in? I don't know ... *sigh*

20171128_083554.jpg

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It's a byproduct of grief, but try to keep in mind that it is the love, not the grief, that binds us.  It's okay to smile, okay to have a normal day!  

What a beautiful rock garden! 

https://www.griefhealingblog.com/2012/12/grief-and-burden-of-guilt.html 

https://www.griefhealingblog.com/2012/03/guilt-and-regret-in-grief.html 
(More links at the bottom of this article as well.)

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@Izegrim, I totally understand. I feel the same way. For me it is not guilt (although I have that!) it is... the grief keeps him alive. It keeps me thinking about him, remembering him and loving him.

It is destructive because I am not moving on, I am a little stuck. I am so sad still. I am not willing to let go of the grief. Then it is like he IS really really gone. So that is it for me. It is probably not healthy and I don't think I can keep doing this for much longer. But I do not know. I guess we need to do our best right? 

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BUT we can learn to incorporate them into our heart without the grief being the connection...it really is our love that connects us, after all.  And we never move on FROM them, we continue our lives with them safely nested in our hearts.  I do not like the term "move on", it implies we leave them behind, that we get past our grief, which we never do.  It is about learning to continue our lives WITH our grief, in a healthy and productive way.

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That's a good analysis ...

 

Maybe we call it 'moving on' or 'continueing' ... but it's a next stage. And in a linear time frame it's 'moving on'. Not leaving things behind, but extending into a different stage. A stage in which we can REALLY take some emotional distance from our grief.

 

I don't think it's less emotional, but more like a helicopter view of our feelings: there may be more things that touch us, but the intensity of that particular place of which we let go is still the same. We just get more aware of other things ... and maybe joy can be the most painful of all those senses .... but we have to live our lives!

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