As it all comes back...

[Yadairaisabel]

Hello!! It's been 5 years since I lost Chuck. I never thought I would be able to get back up but I admit that time has helped me learn to cope with his loss. Chuck passed away too early he was only 23 and we were starting to live our story. Our oldest son will be turning eight in a few months and our daughter will be turning five!!! Well I thought that after loosing him and learning to live without him that maybe life could go on. But a new situation in my life has brought too many known memories of sorrow and despair. My mom was diagnosed with breast cancer exactly 1 year ago. Now things after his death changed tremendously. I recently remarried and we had a baby in June of last year. Our son was born preemie and almost didn't make it. We were blessed to have the opportunity to see him come out of such a terrible situation. But then this happened with my mom! So long story short! We have battled it out for a year but unfortunately she was placed in hospice and given six months left to live. And it all just came rushing back to me! The memories of planning a funeral, the tears, the pain, the void, the guilt, the sorrow and that sense of loss! I can't help but to think of him! Do I still love him?? Of course I do and I still miss him with all my heart and will continue to miss him for eternity! And now the woman that helped me thru it all is leaving me too! I feel like I have a lot of unresolved issues and just needed to let it out.

[KayC]

I am so sorry for all of your losses and your scare with your baby.  I'm glad you have someone with you as you face this year with your mom's battle.  Multiple losses do pile on top of each other, each one triggering the former one, and it's important to grieve each of them separately.  I don't know if you've seen a grief counselor but it might be good to give it a go, they're trained to help us through this maze of grief.

[Francine]

On 6/9/2017 at 8:19 PM, Yadairaisabel said:

Hello!! It's been 5 years since I lost Chuck. I never thought I would be able to get back up but I admit that time has helped me learn to cope with his loss. Chuck passed away too early he was only 23 and we were starting to live our story. Our oldest son will be turning eight in a few months and our daughter will be turning five!!! Well I thought that after loosing him and learning to live without him that maybe life could go on. But a new situation in my life has brought too many known memories of sorrow and despair. My mom was diagnosed with breast cancer exactly 1 year ago. Now things after his death changed tremendously. I recently remarried and we had a baby in June of last year. Our son was born preemie and almost didn't make it. We were blessed to have the opportunity to see him come out of such a terrible situation. But then this happened with my mom! So long story short! We have battled it out for a year but unfortunately she was placed in hospice and given six months left to live. And it all just came rushing back to me! The memories of planning a funeral, the tears, the pain, the void, the guilt, the sorrow and that sense of loss! I can't help but to think of him! Do I still love him?? Of course I do and I still miss him with all my heart and will continue to miss him for eternity! And now the woman that helped me thru it all is leaving me too! I feel like I have a lot of unresolved issues and just needed to let it out.

 

I'm sorry for your loss and am glad you are able to move on with your life; I think your Chuck would have wanted you to as well.  My deepest regrets on your mom's diagnosis and pray she does not suffer.  I think your mom may be at peace knowing you are OK and living your life to its fullest - we mothers are like that.   You may be trying to predict the future with the memories of what has past - and honestly, it may be the wrong approach.  Remember, you are too blessed to be too stressed; give the stress to God - HE can and will handle it.   Your mom is still here so your real focused goal is to help her live whatever time she has left to the fullest and to honor God and be an encouragement to her and others. What the future holds is firmly in God's hands, and I, for one, is very happy about that.

You will always hold a special place for Chuck in your heart - that will never go away, nor should it, nor should you want it to. You have two beautiful children with Chuck - the love you shared is in human form and that will always remind you of him - personally, I think it's wonderful.    Never doubt that God has gotten you through every hard moment in your life; you are blessed with everything you need; you work hard towards everything you want and appreciate and thank God for everything you have. 

You are the strength holding the family together now. Strength doesn't come from what you can do; it comes from overcoming the things you thought you couldn't do.  A mother's first job is to raise a daughter strong enough to outlast her.  Your mother has done that and is passing the torch on to you, like her mother before her, to take it and run with it.   She raised you to be strong on the outside; beautiful on the inside; and confident to raise and protect your family - after all, you're a reflection of her. 

I pray God gives you the strength you need to hold your family together during this difficult time and that HE wrap HIS arms around you and allow you to feel how much you are loved.