Moderators: Please Read

[AceBasin]

An Excerpt From Managing Communities For Moderators:  “Dealing with Suicide On Your Online Community or Forums: How You Can Help and Protect Everyone”

Excerpts:  “If a suicide thread is posted in your forums, it’ll be natural for members of your site to try to help. The potential is there, as well, for questionable people to try to hurt the situation. Well meaning or not, members can inadvertently do more harm than good by trying to help. It can be dicey to allow your members to comment on this situation and for your community to become deeply invested in it.

“This is why it can be a good idea to remove the post, unless you have a strong feeling that doing so would do more harm than good. Do not dismiss it as someone fooling around – take it seriously. If they, by some chance, do turn out to be someone who is not suicidal, who was just looking to play with people’s emotions and get attention, removing it will discourage them from doing so and you’ll have done the right thing by taking it seriously. This is not a matter for your community, it is far too sensitive for that. After the post has been removed from the public, contact the member directly. In an ideal world, it’s best to consider what you’d like to say and, more importantly, what you’d like your staff members to say – before such a time comes up.

“The American Association of Suicidology, the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention, The Jason Foundation and SAVE all have helpful guidelines and ideas for talking to and helping someone who may be suicidal. They all speak of empathy and understanding and the need for action in the form of professional help from doctors, trained personnel and emergency service providers.

“The difficulty with this, for community administrators and staff, is that we most likely do not have the relationship with most of our members where we would be the right person to talk to them directly about how they are feeling. Yes, we could attempt it, but we’re not family and we’re probably not a close friend. And, not being a professional, we are concerned that we may do more harm than good.

“Understandably, we also have a fear of legal repercussions for a misstep, however well meaning. Getting involved this deeply in someone’s life could open us up to legal action and the scorn and criticism from those that were close to the person, the media, etc., if the worst should happen. It may not be fair, but it is the world we live in. Our responsibility is not to one member, but to the community as a whole.

“It’s not insensitive to talk about this – it’s just realistic. We’re compassionate and we want to help – not shun people – and, because of that, we might think we can solve it, but there is such a thing as biting off more than you can chew. It’s important to understand that professional care is paramount in this circumstance. Would you expect a doctor to be able to run your community? OK, then why would you expect to be able to do the work of someone trained to handle these circumstances?

“For this reason, it is advisable to contact the member directly and urge them to call an emergency number, a suicide prevention hot line (like 1-800-273-TALK or 1-877-778-CARL in the U.S), chat online with qualified people (like the Suicide Prevention Lifeline) or go to their closest emergency room as soon as possible.”

http://www.managingcommunities.com/2009/06/22/dealing-with-suicide-on-your-online-community-or-forums-how-you-can-help-and-protect-everyone/

[Andy]

Is this for anyone who expresses a desire to end their life? I think just about everyone here or on similar forums has mentioned or revealed to others their wish to die so they join their partner, or child, or who ever they are mourning. 

I agree wholeheartedly that anyone who speaks of killing oneself, especially if they have contemplated the scenario in which they'd do it, should be directed to seek professional guidance and help. However, how does a moderator or a member decide the difference between someone who's expressing normal, grief related thoughts of dying and someone who is on the verge of suicide? 

I wonder, if that became "policy", that if you express a desire to commit suicide, that your post will be deleted and then contacted by a moderator, and that policy becomes part of the guidelines for use, would those persons just not post at all? 

I understand completely your concern, however, through very intimate experience, this can go both ways. 

Just a few thoughts is all. 

[KMB]

I agree with Andy. People would not be reaching out on this forum if the word, *suicide* is prohibited and they are deleted from their account.  Suicidal thoughts are a common component in the early times of grieving. I will admit to having those thoughts in my early months and I did post about it back then. I was not condemned by anyone, but given compassion, empathy and understanding because those same people had gone through those thoughts themselves. I never had real intent. I was attending a grief support group at the same time. Having suicidal thoughts or expressing desire to join our loved one who passed is a quite common topic with the support group, especially with new members and the appropriate advice and help line numbers are given in the grief handbooks.

If forums such as this one would become so strictly monitored for all the thoughts, emotions, common to grieving, we would be losing heart broken people who would not feel safe to express themselves. They would be denied an access to others who might be their only means of support. This forum has become a life line to many who do not have the access or economic means for other support.

[KayC]

That's something where a moderator should be reading and overseeing.  On my other forum, the moderator does read all the posts and would jump in and respond in a suicidal post and would make sure the responses were appropriate or set them straight.  I also think it's appropriate to refer someone to a suicide hotline if they are seriously contemplating suicide.  It's hard to know exactly what the person is feeling, how serious their intent, when we aren't there with them, and often the family isn't even aware of their seriousness.  Maybe it's easier for them to reach out anonymously.  If a post is deleted they may not come back, whereas if a moderator steps in and responds within the thread, it may be less frightening.