Members coflag Posted June 6, 2017 Members Report Share Posted June 6, 2017 I need a good cry sometimes, but I feel like I'm past the point that can happen. I am an addict and ever since her death my addiction has gotten worse. I feel like I might sink into a self destructive black hole. I have returned to who I was before she came into my life. I don't like it but it is all I know. My body is not taking it as well as it did before. The guilt I carry after every time I shoot up is too much to bear, so I do it again and again now. Even in her death I need her help. I feel like I am a lost cause and I might not wake up one of these times. I am not suicidal but I am careless. X I miss you more than my brain can understand, even after rehap, even after IOP. I am lost and I don't know what to do. I don't know if anyone will read this but thank you for listening if you do. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members WaHaaf99 Posted June 6, 2017 Members Report Share Posted June 6, 2017 I am so sorry for your loss. I know how difficult it is lose someone so close in life. Keep us updated on here, it is a great forum here! Have you tried to seek help if it is getting worse ? Prayers. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Francine Posted June 7, 2017 Members Report Share Posted June 7, 2017 8 hours ago, coflag said: I need a good cry sometimes, but I feel like I'm past the point that can happen. I am an addict and ever since her death my addiction has gotten worse. I feel like I might sink into a self destructive black hole. I have returned to who I was before she came into my life. I don't like it but it is all I know. My body is not taking it as well as it did before. The guilt I carry after every time I shoot up is too much to bear, so I do it again and again now. Even in her death I need her help. I feel like I am a lost cause and I might not wake up one of these times. I am not suicidal but I am careless. X I miss you more than my brain can understand, even after rehap, even after IOP. I am lost and I don't know what to do. I don't know if anyone will read this but thank you for listening if you do. I am sorry for your loss and I pray you find strength to get the help you need. Trying to overcome addiction is one of the hardest things for a person to do. Nothing about addiction is easy; it's a devastating disease; you can make it worse.....or you can face it head on -- eyes open -- and make it NOT worse. This is something you can control; but before others will believe in you, you MUST believe in yourself. Your loved one believed in you - don't let her down. It's the only disease that tells you that you don't have a disease; but the first step is to stay clean and sober. If you don't like something about yourself, then change it. If you truly want change in your life, you must stop doing what you have been doing or you will keep getting the same results. I urge you to seek professional help immediately. We all make mistakes have struggles, and even regret things in our past. But you are not your mistakes and you are not your struggles; you are here now with the power to shape your future.....I wont lie or tip-toe around the issue - you have an up-hill battle ahead of you. It will hurt; it will take time; it will require dedication, willpower and sacrifice You will need to push your body to its max. There will be plenty of temptation along the way, and I'm not saying it will be easy, but in the end, IT WILL BE WORTH IT. I wish you the best and pray that God gives you the strength to overcome the demons in your life. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members KMB Posted June 7, 2017 Members Report Share Posted June 7, 2017 coflag, You took the right step and reached out on this forum. We are listening and we are here for you. I am deeply sorry for the loss of your girlfriend. I am sorry you find yourself sinking with the addiction. Please, seek out the help you need. I do not feel that your girlfriend would like seeing what you are doing to yourself. She loved you and obviously thought you were a valuable person and worthy of her love. Getting yourself the right kind of help would be the greatest way of honoring her and proving to her that she was right. You have self-worth and deserve love. Now, it is your turn in learning to love yourself and getting the help you need. Your girlfriend will be proud of you for doing the right things. Good luck to you. I sincerely hope you hear our words to you and take some steps in the right direction. We are praying for you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Eagle-96 Posted June 7, 2017 Members Report Share Posted June 7, 2017 Coflag, I wish you nothing but the best as you fight this horrible disease. You've made the first step in the process by admitting to the problem. If you want to beat this addiction you have to do it for you and nobody else. I have dealt with the addictions of family members and friends and they had to take the steps for themselves. Doing it for anyone else didn't work. I believe in you and know that you CAN beat this. Make the call for help: http://www.freeaddictioncenters.com/state/colorado Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators KayC Posted June 8, 2017 Moderators Report Share Posted June 8, 2017 Coflag, Not sure how this didn't show up for me yesterday, sorry I'm late getting here. I do hope you will seek help for your addiction, sometimes we NEED help and this is one of those times. To try to tackle addiction and grief at the same time is nigh impossible on our own. PLEASE value yourself enough to get the help that you need. Make it your legacy to her, do it for yourself, but just do it. We're here for you, but this is bigger than we can help with, we'll be here rooting for you all the while! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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