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idona

Loss of My brother any suggestions?

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idona   

So I lost my brother In Dec. 2015. Its his birthday this month and its getting hard for me. Its crazy to me sometimes i still have those moments where i have to remind myself hes gone. Like on mothers day I woke up and had the thought "oh he prob called mom already he always has to call first or send the better present". I get overwhelmed with grief and sadness i want to be able to make more memories with him and not just have the past to remember him in. Sometimes I wonder when it was that life got in the way of our relationship. We had such a love for one another but nothing like the bond we had as kids. Sometimes I think if I were to talk about him more or talk about his death it would help but I feel like because no one is me and no one was him how could they understand my loss and how I feel. I constantly read others post and listen in groups but I never seem to have that connect like if someone else gets it and is experiencing what I am. I try and talk to my boyfriend about dhow i feel or about my brother but he never met him so once again i find it not helpful or not what I need. We had a complicated relationship with ups and downs as most prob do. Does anyone have any suggestions for me?

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Have you tried writing letters to your brother? Many people find it therapeutic to write letters to their lost loved ones and talk about everything they want to talk about. Perhaps you should give it a try. Or, have you talked to any of your brother's friends or other relatives that like to talk about him? What about your parents? Maybe they would be good to talk to.

I am very sorry about the loss of your brother. I lost mine years ago. It took some time to move forward. It was tough at times. 

We will be here with you,

ModKonnie

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reader   

Dear Idona,

I'm very sorry to hear about the loss of your brother. I know its hard.

I, too, am trying to find ways to keep my dad's memory alive and find a way to keep him in my life in some way. I see him at the cemetery regularly. I have donated to his favorite charity in memoriam. I like to bring him a coffee to this grave site. I keep thinking what other rituals could I incorporate?

I have also tried writing a letter as ModKonnie has suggested. Grief does take a toll. Talking with friends, this journey can last years. I know its hard to talk with family and friends because sometimes they don't know how to validate or acknowledge our feelings. Or even know what kind or gentle suggestions can be made. We are all so different in our grief journey. Please don't hesitate to keep reaching out.

Take care. Sending you all my thoughts and prayers.

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I find myself in the same boat as you. I lost my brother aug2016. I feel what I need most right now is to know that someone else understands what I'm going through. It's hard to believe that anyone could possibly know this feeling. I too find it hard to feel understood and instead I just don't have anywhere to place my emotions or feelings or words if I ever find the right words. I always think about if he were here how he would react to certain situations or what he would have to say about them. He was 31, a year older than me. As my 31st birthday was approaching I couldnt help but wish it wouldn't. I would think about how I would be the same age as him, which is completely strange. Then I thought about how when I'm 50 he will still only be 31. That makes me feel like I have no choice but to leave him behind. Like you said, only the past memories are there. I get upset thinking about being unable to make new ones with him. So I guess what I'm trying to say is, I'm not you and my brother wasn't your brother either but you aren't alone. We are in the same boat! 

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