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My father passed away 3 weeks ago..


ShawnOCS

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I'm still reeling after three weeks.  Wondering when things are going to be normal again.    mY FATHER AND I NEVER LIVED TOGETHER, BUT WE WERE PRETTY CLOSE.  hE WAS A HEAVY DRUG ABUSER HIS ENTIRE LIFE.  hE TOOK A LOT OF PAIN PILLS FOR HIS BACK AND I KNEW HE WAS DOING OTHER THINGS THAT WERE ILLEGAL.  I TOOK HIM TO REHAB A FEW TIMES AND TRIED TO TALK TO HIM ABOUT IT FOR YEARS.  iT WAS JUST THE LIFESTYLE HE LIVED,.  I KNEW ONE DAY I WOULD GET A PHONE CALL TELLING ME THIS BUT I RECIEVED A PHONE CALL ON mAY 10TH, A POLICE OFFICER INFORMAING ME THAT MY FATHER HAD BEEN FOUND IN HIS BATHROOM BY A ROOMATE.  hE HAD BEEN LYING ON THE FLOOR, SO THEY CALLED 911.  tHE PARAMEDICS SHOWED UP AND COULDN'T REVIVE HIM.  iT LOOKS LIKE IT WAS A HEROINE OVERDOSE.  sO FAR I'm STILL WAITING ON THE TOXICOLOGY REPORT.  tHE FIRST WEEK I FELT NORMAL, SAD HE WAS GONE BUT MOSTLY NORMAL.  tHE SECOND WEEK HIT ME LIKE A TRCK.  sPELLS OF CRYING, DEPRESSION.  I JUST WANTED MY DAD BACK.  wE SPOKE ALL THE TIME, TALKED ABOUT GAMES AND COMIC BOOKS ETC.  wE WERE BOTH KIND OF NERDS.  nOW I FIND IT DIFFICULT TO COME INTO WORK.  I FEEL LIKE I NEED SOME KIND OF CHANGE IN MY LIFE.  I USED TO CALL HIM ON MY WAY TO WORK AND ON MY WAY BACK, NOW THOSE TRIPS ARE EMPTY.  hE LEFT ME A BUNCH OF TOYS HE'D BEEN COLLECTIONG, LIKE g.i. jOES AND SUCH.  I've ATTEMPTED TO SORT THROUGH THEM A FEW TIMES BUT I ALWAYS END UP FEELING DRAINED.  I just wonder when i'll start feeling like myself again.  don't mind the strange way the post is typed.  my work requires me to have caps lock on and I'm not looking at this as I type, just felt like I needed to get some of this out.

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Hi Shawn ... I am so sorry for your loss.  My guess is that you will go through a range of different feelings as time goes on.  Losing a parent changes everything.  As we reflect on our lives with our parent(s) after they are gone can be difficult.  We really miss things that we often took for granted ... things that we will no longer do with them.  It is tough but what really helped me get through my losses was in feeling grateful.  Grateful for the relationship that I had with them and for having them as parents.  Any time I went into grateful mode, it got easier.

take care and go with your feelings.

Cindy Jane

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Thank you Cindy, I really appreciate your response.  The whole situation just makes me feel so strange.  I wake up some days and feel like nothing has changed, then other days I wake up and I feel the loss so strongly it's mind boggling. 

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Hi Sean I just lost my dad 2 months ago and I really don't think that you will ever find that spot again that he fulfilled I know it's kind of hard to say that my dad was like my best friend my counselor my dad he was so much to me so I know exactly what you're doing I'm going through and feeling I called my dad probably 10 times a day everyday and then three years ago he moved in with me and I took care of them and I was just caregiver he told me how to live life and live it to the fullest he said and I'm sure your dad would want you to do the same thing you don't have to forgive and forget you just forgive forgive everything he's ever done and bad in his life and love him for who he was remember all the good times and the bad times you guys had together when you start thinking about him to start going through his GI Joes or write down on paper all your good memories I like to write my memories down and hang them on my ceiling above my bed it seems to help me a lot everybody's different you'll find your own way of coping with things but it does not get easier over time I still cry every day I go to my phone first thing in the morning to try to call him and then I'm like oh my God I remember and then I'm like he's going I have nobody there for me no more and two days after my dad died my husband asked me for a divorce because I was an emotional wreck I wish you the best of luck I'm going to attach a little poem to the bottom of this if you will read that it it helps me everyday

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