My dad died suddenly from a heart attack and im not sure how to cope

[georgiar]

About a month and a half ago over easter my dad died suddenly from a heart attack. i live at the oppisate end of the country to him and all my family and im really struggling lately with study and this and being away from home. he was only 53 and i just cant come to terms with the fact im never going to see him again and that hes not going to be around for my 21st or my sisters 18th which was a week ago or anything. the last 3 days i just keep playing the phone call where my mum told me over and over in my head and im just so tired of pretend im fine just so i dont have to keep hearing i hope you feel better soon because i know its just going to make me snap because its not going to get better soon because hes not going to magically appear again. i dont know what t dō i tried talking to a counseller and that was just a waste of time and i feel like i have noone cause i have no family here and my friends just dont understand and keep saying the same generic get better soon bull even though ive told them how much i hate it.

[reader]

Dear georgiar,

I know it hurts. The pain and sorrow you feel is only natural and normal. I wish friends and family members could say something to help us during this very difficult time but sometimes nothing sounds right. I tried talking to three counsellors and I have the same feeling. Short of bringing my dad back to life, I really don't want to hear anything sometimes.

Please know you are not alone. We are all here to listen and support you in anyway we can.

There are other resources available. Maybe consider joining a support group or checking out these websites for additional guidance. What's Your Grief, GriefShare.Org, The Grief Healing Blog and Legacy.com

I think the shock of the loss takes a long time to understand. My mind is still struggling 7 months later. I try different things but sometimes my mind still replays everything that happened. It won't be easy, but please lots of good people care about you and want to support you.

[ShawnOCS]

Hey Georgiar,

 

I just lost my father as well, he passed oaway on May 10th suddenly from a drug overdose. I know it's not the same situation, but if you need someone to talk to or to just vent, I'm here.  We're both probably going down the same harsh road right now and I think the more people you walk it with, the easier it will probably be.  I'm sure it helps to have someone you can just talk thonestly with as well.  Let me know if you need to talk.

 

Thanks,

 

Shawn

[hugoc]

Dear georgiar,

My father also died from a sudden heart attack almost two months ago, and it feels terrible each day, sometimes weekends that were our days seems really long, and the rest of the week goes so fast. Sometimes, I can´t find anyone to talk about, my mother is in the same pain as I am, and no one else seems to be interested in what is really happening to the life. I always thought that my dad was going to be around many years more, I was kind of thinking of having more years with him. 

Now, many ideas are in my head everyday, thinking about what did he felt?,  if he didn´t suffer, what about the dreams that weren´t fulfilled, his plans, his things, his hapiness that was suddenly stop. I´m always hoping that he is in a better place, but nowadays, I´m not really sure about a lot of things. I have never wrote here before, but I think that probably sharing with other persons that understand our pain could help to find some courage to continue. 

[missdad]

Hi Georgiar,

I am so sorry for your loss. It sucks, plain and simple. My dad died in March and it is so hard to imagine never talking to him again. My situation was different, as my dad was older, and everyone grieves differently, but I could not imagine the pain lifting. But somehow it does. You’ll have a few hours that are decent than longer and longer until it’s days. I still cry often at least a few times a week. But I can honestly say the horrible, deep sorrow that I felt only makes brief visits now and most days it’s OK.

Everyone is different, but I can share what helped me. I went to a grief group. Talking with others who “get it” is helpful. At first, I wondered why I was even going since nothing would bring my dad back, so how could it help? But I would hear little things that would be helpful. Like as I started to cry less and feel less sorrowful, I felt guilty, like I was forgetting my dad. But the group facilitator said. It’s not the pain that bonds you to your loved one, it’s the love. That helped me. That love remains. I also found ways to stay connected. It may sound odd, but finding ways to stay close helps. It might be visiting his resting place, talking to him, writing him letters, doing something in his honor like planting a tree or donating money to a cause. It won’t be the same as having him here. But you can find a new way to have a relationship.

If you are spiritual, it may also be a good time to explore that further. Also, I read a lot. I found Resilient Grieving very good. There are a ton of good book. There is also a site called After Talk, which is pretty good.

I am only 3 months past my dad’s death and I am dreading the “firsts” like Father’s Day, his birthday, and that type of stuff. But I can say, there is hope that just because today sucks, doesn’t mean tomorrow will.

[Emmy]

I had a similar situation where my dad passed away unexpectedly, I found him :-( and it was just the two of us here (family wise) my mom and my brother lives several states away. I still can't believe i'm never going to see him again and i'm so sad for all the future milestones he won't be there for. He was so special to me, and now there is just a big hole in my heart. I feel for you, and I'm so sorry for your loss. 

[Dino816]

Georgiar,

Ironically, I had to deal with the same problem a month after your father passed. It's tough, there's nothing easy about it. I know it's been about half a year, but I'm sure it still hurts if not just as bad. When people say that things will get better, it's mainly just because they don't know how to act nor know what to say. It's a tough concept to handle.....no one will understand except those who've lost a parent, child, or sibling. Even then, at such a young age it's hard for some to relate. It's something we have to deal with and live with, the end of a connection with someone like a father will always be in the echo of our thoughts and voice, but have to remember the good times that was brought. I myself am writing this to perhaps bring some sort of wisdom but also because it's in part to help myself out and cope with a loss. I'm a bit older than you, father passed at age 27. Problem is, there was no will, no spouse, I'm the youngest of 3 brothers, but I have had to take care of all the responsibility of what happens after a death. The oldest brother has had nothing to do with the affairs, middle child helps more than the oldest, but I'm still having to look after everything and bare all responsibility. There's been much to take care of. Even after 6 months, I haven't had the chance to grief except late at night. One of those nights is right now.  After the funeral, I was so disappointed because people, except my grandmother, had some laughs and drinks at my father's house while I was sleeping and in mourning downstairs alone. Basically, I know what you are saying that you can't talk to anyone because I don't think I am able to talk to anyone here either. My mother is another case entirely when it comes to her thoughts about my father, so I can't have the discussion with her, non of my friends father's have passed, except a couple didn't have a biological father in their lives, in that sense, I am lucky. My grandmother (my dads mom) is too much of an emotional wreck to discuss with me, so I can't get much guidance from her. However, I hear the same garbage of "you'll get over it," or my least favorite, "this too shall pass," bs. I hope you had a half of a good relationship with your father as I did with mine, because that's the only thing that keeps me doing decent on a given day when thinking about him passing and not ever being here again. Best advice I can give is to keep the positive thoughts of your father, and understand that there won't be a whole lot of people your age who can relate or help talk about it other than them being a set of ears for you to have a voice and let them hear what you have to say. There won't be an answer they can give, because there is no answer, just advice and positive thoughts unless you are a religious and believe in such things.

Stay strong

[Badra33]

Hi there,

i just lost my dad suddenly a couple of weeks ago. Today is his birthday almost two weeks later and it has been such a difficult day:(

I feel so sad and lonely and I miss him so much!

The last two weeks have gone by in a fog and I still wish I could wake up from this bad nightmare. Then I see the flowers and cards and his picture on my phone and I know this is real and he is gone. My boys and I will never see my dad or grandpa again. We had a dinner for him tonight with my step mom, but nobody could talk about the fact that he was missing from the table. No birthday cake or singing today! 

This is horrible! I don’t want to do anything. I’m so tired and I just want to sleep. I miss my daddy! 

[Natalbug]

I can completely relate. I am 21 and my dad died four months ago very suddenly from a motorcycle accident. I also hate people telling me to 'feel better soon' and also struggle with the fact that there is no one to talk to about it. No friend will ever truly understand unless they are in the exact same situation. Even my family members don't understand how I feel because they grieve and see things differently than me. I live with my mother and sister but they hate me and I feel like I've lost my whole family. I understand the pain. I understand the constant thinking about what could have been, and never seeing him again. It makes me cry every time I think that he wont be walking me down the isle on my wedding one day. It sucks. Life sucks. Life is just pain. All we can do is distract ourselves for the next 60 years, if we live that long. People say it will get better, but nothing will make it better. Nothing is going to bring him back. Nothing is going to fill that hole in our hearts. 

[BeautifulRuin]

my dad died suddenly in 2013 when i was 13 years old from a massive heart attack & i've never been the same. suddenly ive been having severe panic attacks cant sleep or anything because i seen one of his family members. if i were you i would just move somewhere else and start a new life. if you need someone to talk to im here.

[nd123]

Georgiar & all, 

I completely relate -- I'm 24 & my father passed away a week ago & I'm still completely in shock. I know you posted in June, but I hope you have found a bit of peace since then, or someone to talk to who understands what you're going through. For me, this is all still very fresh but reading forum posts on this site has definitely brought me some comfort. You are definitely not alone; your friends may not know what to say, but I'm sure you can rely on family virtually since they live far away. This absolutely sucks & I'm so, so sorry. 

My dad was only 60 & while he did have a heart condition, I thought I had many more years with him. I never even considered the fact that he might not be at my wedding, or meet my kids if I have any, or any other milestone in my life. I hope we all can lean on the people who love us & feel free to grieve in our own ways. From what I hear, some days will be easier than others and with time, we will learn to be okay & stay afloat. We can do this. It won't be easy, but we can do this.