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I lost my boyfriend


Ka9219

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12 hours ago, KayC said:

I already posted this for someone else today, but don't know if you saw or read it, so I'll post it again on imagery to replace those haunting last images...

http://www.griefhealingblog.com/2012/04/nightmares-and-bad-dreams-in-grief.html

 

Thank you, I'll take a look =)

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My first experience with death that I remember was my aunt, it was all hush-hush and no one talked about it.  Over the years I heard "murder", "suicide", I never did find out how she died, she was a young woman.  The next was my nephew when I was 15, he was only three, it was very hard to comprehend.  My grandfather died when I was little but I don't remember him at all.

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I've read that most families don't talk about the dead person if they committed suicide, because most of the people feel "angry" about that decision, mostly relatives. I can imagine the pain of losing a child, so little, so pure. When we are kids we take death in a different way, in a more natural way maybe. 

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I worked for a family owned business, was considered part of that family, we'd been friends for many years.  The adult son was not only my coworker, I'd taught Sunday School to him when he was a little boy!  He commit suicide.  It was very hard on the family, but they were open about it and talked about it.  His sister was angry about his decision, it was right before her wedding and it left her a solitary child.  With all they went through, people still said stupid things to them.  I'd like to sock people for saying things like they do!  They told the parents, "It's too bad he's going to hell."  ???!  OMG, I can't even tell you what I wanted to say to them!  But they got a good counselor that helped them tremendously, and I'm thankful for that.

For me, as a 15 year old, learning about my three year old nephew's death (car accident, it left my sister a quadriplegic with damaged vocal chords), it upset my world of innocence.  No longer could I trust the world to go on like it had.  Everything in our lives was "before" or "after" that day.  It did teach me to take life as it comes and roll with the punches, but oh how I envied other teens whose lives had not been touched in that way!

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On 6/5/2017 at 6:45 PM, Francine said:

That pain that has your entire body hurting; your heart aches so much, you find it difficult to breath; you can't even speak; you don't cry; you don't hear; you don't see; you're just there and for a second, your heart dies.  That pain that has your mind fixed on it; you are numb; almost zombie-like; in shock; not knowing what is real and what isn't; your world seems like it just ended;   Words hurt more than action.

It's OK and understandable for your heart to feel heavy; it's OK to sit and catch your breath; it' OK to wonder how you're gonna survive this mess; it's just normal to feel lost; it's normal to miss him like crazy. It's OK to have a meltdown; it's OK to not be OK; It's OK to not have all the answers yet; It's OK to fall and lose your spark;  just make sure when you get up, you rise as the whole fire.  It's just fine to let it all hit you, breakdown if you must and just succumb to all your emotions.  I think our grief never truly ends; it may become softer over time, more gentle, and some days will feel sharp.  It's almost like a fog; some days the heavy fog may return, and the next day, it may recede, once again.  It is a decay and flow, a constant dance of sorrow and joy; pain and sweet love. Remember that grief has no rules, no timetable and that it will in many ways last as long as love does.  Forever.

Francine, this is possibly the most honest, accurate description of our grief and such beautiful, supportive advice - thank you <3

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