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Loss of my father


Lara

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I lost my father in November 2013. I will never forget that year. He was diagnosed with stage 4 liver and colon cancer and died 9 months after the diagnosis. It was a terrible journey of ups and downs, a rollercoatser of emotions. Only my sisters and I took care of him. He fought it with everything he had, he was a stubborn man. To see a grown man, our superhero, be reduced to nappies and grunts was the most terrifying experience. We lay next to him and held his hands in his last hours, I will never forget that death rattle. He lived alone and was marred by his life experiences...suffered depression and alcoholism. Having lived through the second ww as a child, he never could let go of those traumas. He died with fear. When he was sick he was also burgled and beaten up. Thats when he realised he was too weak to protect himself. The stress of that horrific year only hit me a year and a half ago...I started getting panic attacks...which I tried to curb with crying and running. I dont get them anymore..but suffer persistent anxiety, especially at night. And all my other fears have heightened. I thought I had moved through all the stages of grief, so where is this coming from? His death turned all my beliefs upside down...I feel ungrounded and afraid. Exhausted by the anxiety. I try to just look after myself, yoga, eat right etc. But I lose weight from the anxiety. I have a wonderful support system, and just have to keep trying. I believe that the mind is a powerful tool...and I believe it possible to strengthen myself again in every way. Finding ways to ground myself really help. And so do hugs! I would like to believe I can get through this without meds....anyone tried and succeeded?

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Dear Lara,

Thank you for sharing your dad's story with us. I'm very sorry about his passing. I think witnessing a parent's decline and passing is a part of life that none of are ever ready for. We all handle grief differently.

Its been 7 months since my dad passed away from heart failure. People say to me "you're depressed" have you considered meds? I am resistant to the idea. I talked with my counsellor and she thinks I only have grief. I would suggest talking to your doctor. And I would not hesitate to see out a another opinion. My dad had a terrible sensitivity to medication. While others seems to tolerate the side effects better and attest to the fact they work wonders.

It sounds like you are doing everything right but I know it can be hard to cope. I'm not sure if you have already talked to a counsellor or joined a support group. I am also trying a lot of different things to get through each day. It is overwhelming to think back and realize how fast the time has gone. People have also suggested to me to think about the good times, but I'm not there yet.

I wanted to let you know, you are not alone. Please continue to post and let us know how you are doing. Sending you all my thoughts and prayers.

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