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Anxiety for what's to come


Sweetheart346

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Sweetheart346

My mothers wake is later today in the afternoon and I am really scared of how it is going to go. I'm not ready to see her embalmed dead body in the casket, unable to respond to me or anyone else. I'm not ready to see other people, especially my family, cry uncontrollably. But I know I will regret it heavily if I don't go. During the past week of fundraising and gatherings, I still have a part of me that refuses to believe any of this is true, even after seeing her lifeless body in the hospital where everything went wrong. I'm not ready to accept or think about how she will never see me graduate, attend my pinning ceremony, wedding, be there if I have my first child, move into my first apartment, or many other things a lot of my friends get to experience with their mothers. I can't call her on the phone in college to check up on her, rant about my roommate or professors, ask for ideas on assignments, or food when the college one gets too disgusting. No more fun family vacations she planned. I will never hear her laugh again. I would even prefer getting to have her yell at me over something like the dishes, if it means hearing her voice again. I will never hear her wonderful singing voice at random times of the day. Many more things I will never experience with her. I feel robbed. I prefer to never have been born so I wouldn't have to go through this pain. It's unfair. Really unfair. Especially those who I know do not appreciate their healthy mothers, makes this harder for me to handle. I am nowhere close to my father and do not want to be because he was nowhere to be found most of my life, including the last hard weeks of my mom's hospital experience. How can I deal with this and get through the wake and funeral in one piece? How can I find the strength to get through the rest of my days after the services? Sorry for the long rant...

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Hi Sweetheart,

I'm so sorry for your loss :( . and don't apologise for the rant!

I know you say you don't want to go but living with the regret afterwards if you don't go it will compound things. Saying goodbye properly can help, its closure and I know that's easier said than done (trust me I've been there!).

Your Mum may not be there for your graduation, wedding etc. but you can bet she will be thinking of you, smiling down and thinking " My girl's done good" thats what you have to try and remember. You will have all your family there at the wake and they will all be in the same boat, come together and comfort each other and while you're there, talk to her, chat about the good times you have all shared, use your family to get through it.

It will be hard I'm not going to lie but trust me as time goes on it will get just that little bit easier and you'll find that you will think of the good times more and more as time passes, trust me.

Wishing you all the best and just remember your mum is there in spirit and always will be :)

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Dear Sweetheart,

My deepest condolences and sympathies on the passing of your beloved mother. I'm so sorry for your loss. I know the pain and sorrow is unbearable. Losing a cherished parent is so shocking.

The service will be very hard. During this difficult time try to lean on friends and family. Just try to put one foot in front of the other and take it moment by moment.

Please don't worry about ranting as LeePee has said. Please know you are not alone. And we are all here to listen and support you in anyway we can.

Thinking of you and your family during this difficult time. Sending all my thoughts and prayers.

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