Members Bobbers Posted May 31, 2017 Members Report Share Posted May 31, 2017 My husband died. My life is going downhill fast. When my mom saw me in jail she seemed pleased that she finally had control over me. I can't do anything right. My kid hates me and that's all I care about. I'm going to do much damn counseling and here I am Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Francine Posted May 31, 2017 Members Report Share Posted May 31, 2017 I'm sorry for your loss and can relate to thoughts of your life going downhill. It's unfortunate and unusual you feel your mom is pleased she has control over you. But she can't have that control unless you give it to her. People who feel the need to control others, don't have control over themselves. Incredible changes happen in your life when you decide to take control of what you do have power over instead of wanting control over what you don't. You had to have done something right - you paid the price for whatever you did to go to jail. That's a starting point. I don't know how old your children are but if you have never been hated by your children, (in some form or fashion) you have never been a parent. Your job as a parent is not to be liked, it is to help your children become health, functioning adults. I would suggest ever single day tell them how much you love and care for them; - not just tell them - show them - that you will be there for them no matter what. It's not so much what you do for your children, but what you teach them to do for themselves. That is what will make them successful human beings. Inspire and motivate them; it's much easier to build a strong child than to fix a broken adult. Don't knock the counseling, even counseling is good when it adds to the person you are. Hang in there and know that God has you in HIS sight and is about to do something you would not have imagined. Stay strong, the children need you more than ever now. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators KayC Posted June 1, 2017 Moderators Report Share Posted June 1, 2017 Very good response, Francine. Bobbers, I'm sorry you're going through so much. I haven't seen you here for a while, I'm glad you're able to be back here and also glad you're getting counseling, I hope it helps. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members KMB Posted June 2, 2017 Members Report Share Posted June 2, 2017 Bobbers, I'm sorry for what you have been enduring. Please, quit beating yourself up! Do NOT say you can't do anything right. If you keep saying and thinking that way, it does become your life. Think positively and your life will go positively. Everyone makes mistakes and what is most important is the lesson learned and not repeating the mistake. Francine gave you some compassionate advice. Your son doesn't really hate you. He loves you but is grieving for his father and any following events might be confusing for him. He might also be afraid of losing you also. Have patience with him and find a way to talk in a way he'll understand if you choose to explain your own thoughts and feelings. I would have a small fortune if I had been given money for every time one of my children had said they hated me while they were growing up. They do not mean it. They just didn't know the right words to express themselves. I'm grateful to hear you are getting counseling. I wish you the best. This is a tough journey we are on and we will all survive. Be gentle and patient with yourself and your son. (HUGS) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Francine Posted June 3, 2017 Members Report Share Posted June 3, 2017 On 6/1/2017 at 8:25 PM, KMB said: I would have a small fortune if I had been given money for every time one of my children had said they hated me while they were growing up. They do not mean it. They just didn't know the right words to express themselves. You, me and practically every parent there is. Words are powerful - they can create or they can destroy. When children are hurt; they want to hurt in return Crush those hurtful words with love. - It's the best remedy without any cost. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members M88 Posted June 4, 2017 Members Report Share Posted June 4, 2017 Bobbers, I am sorry for your loss and do hope life is getting a little easier for you. Sending strength, love and hugs X Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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