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Hypocondriac mother new thoughts


Inpain1985

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Inpain1985

My mom was a hypocondriac.
She asked me about all sorts of things, related to disease.
Her main concerns where diabetes, blood cluts, heart failure.

Whenever i talked with her, she would feel the need to talk about her concerns.
She wouldent let it go, untill i listened.
When she came by, she wanted me to look at things on her skin.
She pressured me to look at it, for several times.
When i said i couldent stand it anymore, she would just keep showing it.
Look, don't it look like something serious, she would say.

The weekend before she died,
she sounded serious. Like she really was concerned about her health.
But then again, she was a hypocondriac i thought.
They really are concerned all the time. It's not a joke to them.
She kept going on and on, about i really think i am dying.
I think something is wrong with my heart.
Please listen.

I thought it was a new strategy to pressure me, to listen.
She said something similar before, but in a different tone.
In the past she sounded frightened. This time, frightened, but calm.

I was so tired of listening, i just finally said.
If you really think so, maybe it could be this time.
Maybe you in fact should get it checked out.

She asked me once (i can't remember if it was before or after the conversation above)
if i would go with her to the doctor.
She rarely asked me that, so i was a bit concerned.
I was so tired of her, i just said.
Is it really somehting this time?
Don't you think you just need to relax?
She was scared of doctors.

We went once many years ago to the emergency room,
where she was convinced she was dying.
They checked her out, and said she was fine.
They told her it was anxiety.

I was used to her having axiety. Both panic attacks and servere anxiety about her health.
I talked with her about the anxiety, and all the stress, maybe could cause all of these symptoms she had.

I didden't know which symptoms i should take seriously,
because she would read about them online, untill she suddenly convinced herself that she had the symptoms.

Are the symptoms real or imagination or anxiety? i thought.

The days after, she kept going on talking about symptoms,
and i got annoyed and hung up the phone.

The day before she died, she got mad at me and wouldent pick up the phone.

I got a bad feeling, where is was a 100 pct. convinced she would die the next day.

I told myself. Just stop it. Your mind is sick from anxiety, from constant worrying if she would actually die all the time.

Then i thought it was a healthy sign, that she kept holdning on to her anger toward me.
If she really was that ill, which i suddenly was concerned about. She couldent continue to be so angry i thought.

I thought about pcking up the phone. The strongest feeling i ever had,
told me to text her. You are going to die tomorrow, if you dont act. I never thought about texting anything like that ever before.
Then i thought. Why would she die so suddenly? I can talk to her tomorrow and tell her how i feel.

She always said, tell me if you get a bad feeling that i will die.
I didden't, because i ignored my bad feelings.

Why would she die? she was oly 51.

I keep thinking about i had that strong feeling, like never before that she would die and i diddent act. WHY???

WHY diddent i listen to her, when in fact i was concerned?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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I am deeply sorry for your loss of your Mom, Inpain.  I do hope you have family and friends around you who are supporting and caring for you.  Feeling you could maybe have prevented the death of a loved one is something many of us have grappled with, but once the cause of death is known we realize it was beyond our powers to do so. 

Please be kind to yourself and know you are in our thoughts.

Sending strength, love and hugsX

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7 hours ago, Inpain1985 said:

WHY diddent i listen to her, when in fact i was concerned?

Because it's like the boy who cried wolf.  You hear it so much it dulls our hearing.  My MIL was my best friend, the mom I'd always wanted, but she also was a hypochondriac, and she was always going to doctors, and she said she was going in for tests and we turned a deaf ear to her, because we'd heard years of this and it was never anything.  This time it was something, she was diagnosed with breast cancer.  I should have been there at the doctor with her, she shouldn't have had to go through that alone.  But we didn't know.  She had a double mastectomy and made it five years, we celebrated too soon...cancer came haunting her, her liver, her bones, then throughout her entire body.  I took care of her the last three years of her life when she was bedridden with cancer.  

Sometimes we just have to forgive ourselves because we proceed with the knowledge given at the time, and when someone is a hypochondriac, the consequence is people don't take it seriously.  We do our best and they know we love them.  My consolation is she finally had to suffer no more and she got to die in her home and she was surrounded by those who loved her in her final years.

I am sorry for your loss and your pain.

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