How to approach his family?

[WaHaaf99]

I have 2 of his family members on my Facebook? The other is on WhatsApp. We spoke some, but the thing was... I was supposed to be like a surprise. I mentioned our relationship to his mom, she knew of me but thought we were only friends until I told her.

But I do plan to go to his grave later on this year. At this moment I can't but I don't know how to talk to them? I don't want to make an uncomfortable situation where a complete stranger who loved and even mentioned marriage with him, goes to his family's house and pays respect. The whole thing sound bad. I feel bad and I made a promise to go... Especially now, because I couldn't even attend his funeral. I feel so guilty but he was far away and I couldn't even attend because I was somewhere while it was going on, the next day after he passed away. I really wanted to go, but I didn't even know much about it at all.

[Francine]

I'm so sorry for your loss and know your pain and the fact you were unable to attend his services.  I'm glad you told his mom about the two of you and the love you shared for one another.  I get it - You do have a very uncomfortable situation.  But when God wants you to grow, HE will make you uncomfortable.  The times you are most uncomfortable are the times you learn the most about yourself.  What would your loved one want you to do?  Do you think he'd want you to remain a secret or do you think he would have wanted the world to know about the love you shared?   What does your woman's instinct tell you?  Trust your hunches.  Sometimes the hardest thing and the right thing are the same.

You've made the first step - you mentioned it to his mother - what was her reaction?  If the situation presents itself that makes you uncomfortable, stay calm, and take a moment before reacting.  Think about what is right.  Search your soul, your spirit, and listen to what it is telling you.

God Bless and keep you, keep us all, safe.

[WaHaaf99]

Well, I was going to meet them all for Christmas and New Year 2018, and he did tell his mother and family about me. He said I was a special person to him, but I guess they took that as a best friendship. He told me that they would be nice because they are nice.

And I am sure if we got married that would have obviously not been a secret. When I told his mom, she didn't really have much of a reaction except for that she didn't know that specific thing about us. But she thanked me for everything. While he was in the hospital, I sent him something. He was very happy, I know this. He said he loved me. I think that is when she found out. She told me my help was very important to him. 

Actually his mom contacted me first on Facebook. So... I don't know. I just feel so confused eh. I don't know what he would have wanted in a sense of ... How and when? Either way, I would have met them this year. That is a fact / for sure certain.

[KayC]

I'm glad you've connected with his family and that they are nice to you.  It may feel awkward right now because they seem strangers, but with time perhaps the connection will grow as you all remember him and are in this together.

[Francine]

 

I'm happy you will finally meet them, and them, you.  And you weren't a surprise after all.  They knew about you but not to the degree it was serious.   It sounds like you've already made a connection with his mom and that's always a good sign. I wouldn't worry, after all, you all share a common thread and bond. 

 

[WaHaaf99]

Thank you to everyone.

I just don't know how to maintain contact. The last time I spoke to his cousin was 10 May... His aunt 27 April and his mom on the 21 May. I just don't really know how to maintain contact and what to say because I don't want to become a constant reminder of his passing to them. Since I am always thinking of him, and I am sure they do too... But I know they are also trying to carry on with their lives. I don't want to say, "Hey... I am going to visit on -- of -- 2017." Like a month beforehand. It would just seem very rude. I guess I am scared of what to say and how to form some type of friendship?

[KayC]

12 hours ago, WaHaaf99 said:

I don't want to become a constant reminder of his passing to them.

Trust me, you're not reminding them, it's on their mind all of the time, 24/7.  Sometimes it's good to have someone that still remembers and cares to talk  it over with, my mom always felt that way.  Try not to worry so much about your affect on them, if it is bothersome to them, they will let you know.

 

[KMB]

Wahaaf99, As long as plans are in the works for meeting them in the future, I would maintain contact. People who are grieving find solace, comfort. in hearing their loved ones name mentioned and the sharing of memories. You and your beloved's family will be sharing and supporting each other on your journeys. Maintaining contact will be a blessing for all of you.

[WaHaaf99]

Thanks. I think I'll message his mom sometime this week. Today I'll be busy, but when I do... I'll give an update. .