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Riddled with fear over the loss of my husband


Shadow10

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I lost my husband in July things were going good after the funeral. i did all the paperwork, got out to drive, walked my dog, went shopping, start going back to church. As the days went on it seems like when I  wake up things started feeling worse, I kept trying to stay motivated but it is not helping. I'm still trying to do most things, but now it just seems like the fear is overwhelming. I don't know what to do I'm asking for help or some kind of advice I feel all alone everyday and it  just seems harder to cope with.

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1 hour ago, Shadow10 said:

I lost my husband in July things were going good after the funeral. i did all the paperwork, got out to drive, walked my dog, went shopping, start going back to church. As the days went on it seems like when I  wake up things started feeling worse, I kept trying to stay motivated but it is not helping. I'm still trying to do most things, but now it just seems like the fear is overwhelming. I don't know what to do I'm asking for help or some kind of advice I feel all alone everyday and it  just seems harder to cope with.

Shadow10, I'm so sorry, and I'm at a loss for words. I'm "only" 5 months in my bereavement, I still fear each day as if they all hide some new monster for me to face. There are others here who are much further along in this than I, I'm sure their insight would be far more valuable than mine. 

I do feel alone though, like you. I have a daughter, wonderful parents, a couple of good friends, but regardless, I still feel isolated. I fear the future. For the first time in 27 years, I'm facing it alone, I have no idea what I'm to do, what living even means now. I'm afraid I'm not much use, but know you aren't alone in how you feel. Here anyway, you're in very familiar company. Reach out, continue to post as feel the need, pm any of us, we will help any way we can.

I think maybe the routine of what we used to do, places and things once enjoyed, lose something after our loss. We did those things in a framework of comfort and security afforded to us by our beloveds, the love and stability they gave. Now, it's gone. I, like you, strive to enjoy what I once did, but it's "hollow". I fear the future, I fear what may be, and I fear I may never experience happiness again, but I will keep at it. I think it's all we can do. Acknowledge what has happened to us, cope the best we can, and live the best we can, all the while hoping we find a bit of joy once again. 

Peace and comfort,

Andy

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As CS Lewis writes:

 

"No one ever told me that grief felt so like fear. I am not afraid, but the sensation is like being afraid. The same fluttering in the stomach, the same restlessness, the yawning. I keep on swallowing.

At other times it feels like being mildly drunk, or concussed. There is a sort of invisible blanket between the world and me. I find it hard to take in what anyone says. Or perhaps, hard to want to take it in. It is so uninteresting. Yet I want the others to be about me. I dread the moments when the house is empty. If only they would talk to one another and not to me."

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Shadow10,

I feel that too, as days goes by the harder it seems to cope up. You feel that you are not belong to this reality. Just keep on praying and hope for the best. I'm sure our love ones is watching over us. Lets keep our love ones in our heart. 

 

yuyu

- Damage but not Broken

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Shadow10,

I am afraid every day also.  I am only five months in, I lost my husband of 25 years Christmas Day, but I am afraid daily.  My biggest is money...and being alone.  As months go by and I still draw breath and pay bills and eat, one of the fears is slowly improving... but the being alone bit has not.  At least not yet.

You are not alone.

Much love to you.

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14 hours ago, Shadow10 said:

I lost my husband in July things were going good after the funeral. i did all the paperwork, got out to drive, walked my dog, went shopping, start going back to church. As the days went on it seems like when I  wake up things started feeling worse, I kept trying to stay motivated but it is not helping. I'm still trying to do most things, but now it just seems like the fear is overwhelming. I don't know what to do I'm asking for help or some kind of advice I feel all alone everyday and it  just seems harder to cope with.

That's what grief will do to us; just when we think we've got somewhat of a *hold* on things and begin to start doing and feeling somewhat better, grief grabs you by the throat and pulls you back down.   It's as if it's saying, "Oh know you don't think it will be that easy" - "Boy are you in for a big surprise".   And it pulls you down to rock bottom again and all those emotions (and even new ones) start to resurface again. 

Keep doing the things you are doing; and if you can, add more to your routine.  You've got three choices, give up, give in, or give it all you got! - You strike me to do the last of the three.  It will be hard - but you know that. If the moment hurts, and it no doubt will, don't fall victim to its pain. You've already been through hell and came out an angel; hell didn't break you; neither will this;  it's fire didn't consume you; neither will this.   Keep your head high no matter what happens. You will come out of this as well.  While drinking my coffee as I respond to your post, you remind me of a strong cup of black coffee in a world that is drunk on cheap wine. 

Know that God has you and won't let you go through this alone.  Be bless because you are blessed; stay strong, because you are strong; and love God because HE loves you more.

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Shadow,

It is common to feel as you are feeling...in the early days we are in shock, we are numb, it protects us from much of it, and as it begins to wear off and reality begins to set in, we feel like it's worse.  Little by little, though we do begin to adjust, we learn to cope, we get better at dealing with it.  This is a tremendous process and takes place over a huge span of time.  This is likely the hardest thing we'll ever go through.  I have been through some really hard places in my life and I don't think any of them began to compare to the loss  of my husband.  It affected me physically, mentally, emotionally, financially, in every way!  It is, as we said on another thread, quite a roller coaster ride, ups and downs, it's to be expected, it's the norm.  What you are feeling is normal in grief.

Keep coming here, keep posting, you will find you are not alone, and it does validate our feelings to know others understand and go through these same things.

There is so much good information on this site, so much advice, so many helps, I hope you will read them and employ them.  I am sorry for all you are feelings, I wish there was a quick or easy fix, but alas the journey is a process and there's only one way through it, and that is straight through it.  If there was a way to circumvent it, I would have found it by now!

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