Boyfriend lost his father

[southafrica89]

I am struggling to be strong even though I KNOW this is not about me and my feelings. I am utterly heart broken. I know he has lost his father, but I honestly do not want to lose him. I am trying to be string for him and here if and when he needs me. I will never leave him as long as he gives me some kind of reassurance that he wants me around. The last thing I want to do is overwhelm him while his world is broken. 

My question is this: if he wanted to rather be single, and not include me in this, would he still text me and say things like ''i hope you are okay, I am doing this today etc'' or ''I hope you are warm. I am feeling cold inside. getting into bed etc'' would he say these things if he didn't still see me as apart of his life? 

I am asking because I am getting mixed signals which I would NEVER confront him about. That is the reason I am here. I do not want to put any emotional weight on him right now. 

I will send him a message and say something like ''morning my love, you're on my heart'' and he will maybe respond something like ''hey I slept okay I hope you slept good'' like he won't call me lovey names, which is fine, but he doesn't ask me to stop. Do you think he would ask me to stop if it bothered him? 

I am just feeling lost. I cry most of the day. Of course I would never tell him that. I know he is broken, but I feel like I am starting to fall apart. I love this man and don't want to lose him through this hard time. 

 

PS I do not initiate conversation with him. I allow him to make that move because I want it to be on his terms rather than him feeling pressured to respond to me. Is that a good sign that he is still making that tiny step no matter how emotionally ''off'' he seems? 

[reader]

Dear southafrica,

I know you are trying to be kind and supportive girlfriend during this difficult time. Please don't be so hard on yourself. It sounds like your boyfriend is struggling with his grief. It will take a long time for him to work through all his emotions. Dealing with friends and family is tough during this period. If you want, consider talking to a counsellor or joining a support group. If your boyfriend wants, try reading these websites for more understanding. What's Your Grief and the Grief Healing Blog.

[Inpain1985]

On 28. maj 2017 at 9:22 AM, southafrica89 said:

I am struggling to be strong even though I KNOW this is not about me and my feelings. I am utterly heart broken. I know he has lost his father, but I honestly do not want to lose him. I am trying to be string for him and here if and when he needs me. I will never leave him as long as he gives me some kind of reassurance that he wants me around. The last thing I want to do is overwhelm him while his world is broken. 

My question is this: if he wanted to rather be single, and not include me in this, would he still text me and say things like ''i hope you are okay, I am doing this today etc'' or ''I hope you are warm. I am feeling cold inside. getting into bed etc'' would he say these things if he didn't still see me as apart of his life? 

I am asking because I am getting mixed signals which I would NEVER confront him about. That is the reason I am here. I do not want to put any emotional weight on him right now. 

I will send him a message and say something like ''morning my love, you're on my heart'' and he will maybe respond something like ''hey I slept okay I hope you slept good'' like he won't call me lovey names, which is fine, but he doesn't ask me to stop. Do you think he would ask me to stop if it bothered him? 

I am just feeling lost. I cry most of the day. Of course I would never tell him that. I know he is broken, but I feel like I am starting to fall apart. I love this man and don't want to lose him through this hard time. 

 

PS I do not initiate conversation with him. I allow him to make that move because I want it to be on his terms rather than him feeling pressured to respond to me. Is that a good sign that he is still making that tiny step no matter how emotionally ''off'' he seems? 

I told my boyfreind that i dont want to be with him anymore. Because i can't feel anything most of the time. I feel like i never Will be happy again. I need comfort, but he just can't find the right words. I can't understand why he dosent try to comfort me, when he can see i am falling apart. I am loosing weight. I dont Care about myself. I just want to stay in bed all Day. I Said i needed his comfort, but he still dont know what to say or do. He is starting to get annoyed, because i dont do any Housework. I just need to talk for hours. I need him to Lie to me and say it's not my fault any of it, untill i believe it. The guilt is Breaking me apart. I feel like i dont deserve to live. I feel numb. I hate him talking with hus parents about ordinary stuff. Like what shoes to buy. I just wanna scream. I am angry. So angry. Why dont they just shut the f.... Up. I am angry with him, for still having both his parents, when both of mine is gone. I am angry with myself for my mistakes and angry with Them for going on and talking about ordinary stuff. I feel like i want to hit someone, or to hurt myself. I am not going to, but thats how i really feel. I feel like noone truly understands. I feel like noone tales any time to really think about what i need to talk about, and what they Can say to comfort me.

[Inpain1985]

the little things also annoy me. Like him tagging Freinds in random bulls... On Facebook. It makes me recent him more. I just really can't understand why he is so stupid, that he can't see that i need his comfort, Without having to tell him.