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southafrica89

What do I do in this situation. Please

2 posts in this topic

Okay so I really just wanted some advice because I am feeling totally lost. I personally have not had someone close to me pass away and I do not know the grief of losing a parent. 

My boyfriend lost his father a week ago. His dad was sick for a few years, but his death has still been a complete shock to my boyfriend. He is a very emotionally giving man and usually always very lovey dovey with me. The moment his dad ended up in hospital, my boyfriend shut me out totally. He kept me updated slightly and let me know when his dad had passed, but that was it. 

He did not let me know when the funeral was, but told me afterwards as I asked if he was doing okay and he let me know he had just buried his father. 

I know this time is about him, and his grieving and now is not the time for me to be selfish, but I can't help but feel like I am losing him. 

 

The night before last he said he felt nothing for anyone and didn't know if he still wanted a relationship with me. I told him clearly that I would be here for him no matter how long'/hard this journey would be but if he wanted me to leave then I would do that for him. He said he does not know what he wants and can't tell me he has feelings for me anymore because he is emotionally empty, but he did not want me to go. 

I decided to give him space and not message him, but he has messaged me a few times yesterday throughout the day to tell me to have a nice day and he let me know that he had done some things around the house. I replied and let him know I was thinking of him and was proud of him etc. He messaged me again this morning to say I must have a nice day. When I call him babe, baby etc he does not ask me to stop but won't say it back. 

 

Am I losing him or does he still want me around? His words make me feel like he wants me gone, but the fact that he still messaged me makes me think some part of him still wants me around? Do I just be patient and let him grieve? Does he want me to leave him alone? I feel so lost with this situation. It's hitting me so hard and I can't stop crying 

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While I am no expert, feeling numb after a loss is normal. He may be in shock from it all. He will experience a multitude of emotions, including anger, frustration, fear, loneliness, etc. If he is still talking to you, then take that as a good thing. 

A week is no time at all to grieve and mourn the loss of a parent. It is going to take a long time for your boyfriend to begin to feel any sense of "normal." Just be there for him as much as you can. 

We will be here with you,

ModKonnie

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