Loss of Mother Too Soon

[Sweetheart346]

My mother passed away three days ago from low blood pressure caused by a blood thinner drug for leukemia. The doctor gave us hope that things will work out but the blood thinner ruined everything and nothing could be done to save her. I'm barely 19 and can't have the experience of my mom seeing me graduate college, get married, have children, get my first job, and my birthday and her birthday along with other holidays will forever hurt me since she is not here anymore. I'm extremely thankful for my family and friends especially during this difficult time, but it is not the same as having your mother . Especially when majority of them still do. I barely have a normal appetite anymore and I'm forced to eat food at times that I don't want to. Hearing people say she is not in pain anymore gives me temporary relief but then I start to think about the fact that she shouldn't have been in pain in the first place especially since she was such a caring and loving woman to everyone. Other times it still feels unreal and I just start to hope that this is all a horrible prank but seeing the machines turned off in the hospital and her body being cold to the touch, remind me that it isn't. It also makes me lose faith because we did all the praying and fasting that could be done and she had faith herself. Yet she still ended up passing away. I feel betrayed and hurt. My anxiety gets the best of me at times and my chest starts hurting and feeling like someone lit a match inside me from the burning sensations. Cant focus on school work either. I also feel depressed seeing others mourning especially my aunt who was extremely close to her. Please help me find a way to stop this depression. Medicines cannot help me since I'm allergic to majority of them.

[cindyjane]

I am so sorry for your loss.  You are not alone in what you are going through and feeling.  Losing a parent is just plain hard.  We feel emotions that we haven't felt before and with a magnitude like we've never felt them.  Please don't lose your faith.  After my parents were taken "home" (lost my mom & dad 11 months apart) it was my faith that brought me strength to get through those losses.  I started reading the Bible and read it often today.  It brings me great comfort when my heart gets heavy in missing them.  We WILL be reunited with our loved ones when it is our turn to be taken "home."  It also helped me to think of a way to honour my mom & dad when they passed on. I decided to try to be the best person that I can be.  The kind of people they were...caring, kind, loving, generous, happy.  That also helps me to get through those rough times in missing them.

When I said that you are not alone ... this scripture brings me comfort when those rough times hit.

 Psalm 34:18 The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.

Take care 

Cindy Jane

[The Girl]

I'm very sorry for the loss of your mom.  Blood thinners are a tricky thing.  They're not perfect, they have serious risks, but they're only given to people who need them.  Losing your mom early is tragic and far from anything you'd ever plan on.  I lost mine over 3 months ago b/c she had a stroke when her blood pressure dropped dangerously low.  It's so unexpected and really is a lot to go through. 

You're right that nothing is the same as having your mom.  Many times it isn't going to feel real.  Oftentimes I wake up thinking it has to have been a horrible dream that should be over now.  Realizing what's happened is its own terror.  But a lot of that will soften with time.  You're going to embark a new life that's going to take a lot of adjusting to.  With that comes a lot of emotions and questions and confusion.  It's hard and I really feel for you having to go through it. 

I didn't really eat for about two weeks - the week we were told my mom wouldn't survive and the week following her death.  It took a few more weeks after that to eat anything healthy or to even care if I was eating at all.  The burning you experience in your chest may be stomach acid (i.e heart burn).  Stress and anxiety aggravates it, and not eating/not eating well is especially hard on it.  A little bread or crackers will calm the burning.  (I only mention eating something to fix it so you don't end up with stomach ulcers or an eroded esophagus or duodenum or inflammation of anything.  I've had/have all of that and it sucks.)

Depression is natural in dealing with grief.  There are several ways to express your grief, and finding those venues that work for you will help you through it.  Talking helps, but most people come to the same conclusion that they need to talk to someone who can relate.  Friends, family, support groups... anyone who has gone through it that you can connect with will help you understand you're not alone (and you absolutely are not alone in this) and can even help you come to terms, medically, with what happened.  

You can talk to your mom.  Just talk.  You may feel silly but you may feel better.  Tell her everything you've wanted to tell her.  I chose to write in a grief journal, so instead of talking out loud, I write to my mom.  You may also want to consider doing things to honor your mom... create a playlist for her, or a collage of her photos, or get involved with a charity she was partial to.  You know best what would be fitting.

It's still very soon, but in time remember to also do things for yourself.  Self care is very important.  I know right now you probably don't care.  After awhile, when you're able to, try to do something you once enjoyed, even if it's just watching TV or scrolling through Instagram or something.  You'll have to take time for yourself.  Distractions aren't insulting to your mom, they're beneficial to your healing process.