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I was only married 7 months


Macias

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I just want to share my story with anyone that will read it. So my relationship started 25 years ago I dated this guy off and on. I choose to not see him anymore. So 23 years later I run into this man at Church he had always been around in the same town we just never saw each other until that Christmas eve 2015. We immediately started seeing each other and were very happy until he got news from his gastroenterologist that he wanted to run some MRI scans come to find out he was diagnosed with liver cancer. Inoperable because of HEP C and Cirrhosis. We were devastated but Our love was greater we married Sept. 30th 2016. I was his caregiver and wide now. With 2 failed attempts of Chemotherapy the doctor suggested hospice. We knew time was almost up we knew God was our creator and that he would go to heaven and were at peace. So on April 27th he breathed his last breathe at 12:10am. There are more details as to how much he suffered and how many medications he was on. So now I am left with this empty house and just his clothes and pictures as memories. Grieve I understand the process I have run grief counseling classes but now that I have experienced love and loss I am without words. The loneliness and pain is real and I just realized he hasn't been gone a month yet and by the grace of God I am coping but grieving . My prayers to all who have lost their loved ones and I am reassured that if you have faith in God and a believer you will see your loved ones again but first we have to finish the race and then we gotta get there!!

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I am so deeply sorry for your loss, Macias.  All of us here understand your pain and emptiness.  I'm glad you got to marry your lovely man.  Sadly we have all learnt the hard way that there are no words to adequately prepare one for such a loss.  Grief is a lonely, long rocky road riddled with potholes.  There are no shortcuts.  It is a time during which we need to take good care of ourselves.

By posting on this forum we gain strength and understanding from one another by telling our story and expressing our pain. 

I'm sorry you had to find us, but you've come to a great forum.  Thank you for your prayers. 

Sending you strength, love and hugs X  

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Macias, I am so sorry. God led you and your husband back together so he would know love, happiness, caregiving from a true loving heart as yourself, during his final time on earth. The both of you were blessed. The pain, loneliness, emptiness, all of us here understand. We feel like our insides have been ripped out. 

Always keep your faith, trust in God. You might stumble a little in your faith during this time of emotional turmoil, God understands. I also believe we will be reunited with our loved ones again. It is like you said, we have to finish this race before we go there ourselves.

Prayers of peace and comfort to you.  (HUGS)

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Macias,

I'm glad you got some time together after reconnecting, but I'm so sorry you lost him, even though only temporary, it's hard.  Thank God for the hope we have of being together again, if we did not have that, I don't know how we'd make it.

(((hugs)))  Keep coming here, it does help to know you're heard and understood.  I run a Grief Support Group too, so I know you know all of this, but living it yourself it brings it home to you in a very real way.  My thoughts and prayers are with you as you travel this journey.

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15 hours ago, Macias said:

I just want to share my story with anyone that will read it. So my relationship started 25 years ago I dated this guy off and on. I choose to not see him anymore. So 23 years later I run into this man at Church he had always been around in the same town we just never saw each other until that Christmas eve 2015. We immediately started seeing each other and were very happy until he got news from his gastroenterologist that he wanted to run some MRI scans come to find out he was diagnosed with liver cancer. Inoperable because of HEP C and Cirrhosis. We were devastated but Our love was greater we married Sept. 30th 2016. I was his caregiver and wide now. With 2 failed attempts of Chemotherapy the doctor suggested hospice. We knew time was almost up we knew God was our creator and that he would go to heaven and were at peace. So on April 27th he breathed his last breathe at 12:10am. There are more details as to how much he suffered and how many medications he was on. So now I am left with this empty house and just his clothes and pictures as memories. Grieve I understand the process I have run grief counseling classes but now that I have experienced love and loss I am without words. The loneliness and pain is real and I just realized he hasn't been gone a month yet and by the grace of God I am coping but grieving . My prayers to all who have lost their loved ones and I am reassured that if you have faith in God and a believer you will see your loved ones again but first we have to finish the race and then we gotta get there!!

I am so very sorry for your loss but rejoicing that your faith in God is stronger than ever.   I lost the love of my life a little over 5 months ago and if not for the power of prayer and my trust and belief  in God and HIS word, I would not have made it thus far.  I went through all the emotions, anger, sadness, guilt, loneliness, to name a few and the *why* questions and often times, if I'm being honest with myself, still do.  I've hit rock bottom; been through hell and back, walked right through it; faced the fire; felt the burn and pain and have the scars to prove it.  I've cried my tsunami 's quiet often - didn't think they'd ever end.  But God has brought me through.  I believe God is preparing us; the storms and trials in our lives are being used to strengthen us, transform us and to prepare us for the glory that God has in stored for us.  It's not easy not focus on all the trouble surrounding us, but God is taking us supernaturally out if it and landing us in a place we are suppose to be. 

I truly believe that in God's plan, every life is long enough and every death is timely. And though we all wish for a longer life for ourselves, God knows best.   And while we wish for a longer life for our loved ones, I sometimes wonder if they would have wanted that?  I always felt that my Charles would not have wanted to die and leave me here alone; now I wonder?  Once you have tasted paradise, who would want hell?   I read somewhere that ironically, the first to accept God's decision of death, is the one who dies.   While we might shake our heads in disbelief, they are lifting hands in worship.  While we are mourning at their graves, they are marveling at heaven.  While we are questioning God, they are praising God.

My entire being hurts with the loss of my Charles, yet I  am so grateful that God designed this man specifically for me, put him in my life for nearly 45 beautiful years; blessed us with two wonderful children and two beautiful grandchildren.   My love for God and trust in his words will get me, get all of us, through this journey.  We will be with our loved one again.  Death is not the end, just the beginning to everlasting life.  Sorry for rambling on and on......

Continue to post; we are all here for one another and are not afraid to share our stories as well as comfort one another.

 

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On 5/21/2017 at 7:24 PM, Francine said:

 I always felt that my Charles would not have wanted to die and leave me here alone; now I wonder?  Once you have tasted paradise, who would want hell?   I read somewhere that ironically, the first to accept God's decision of death, is the one who dies.   While we might shake our heads in disbelief, they are lifting hands in worship.  While we are mourning at their graves, they are marveling at heaven.  While we are questioning God, they are praising God.

I think about this a lot with Lori. While I am in such deep despair and wish nothing more than to have her here next to me, I find myself feeling somewhat selfish. Why would I ever want Lori to be anywhere else but Heaven. I know her relationship with the Lord and know that she is in Paradise and feels no pain, sadness, doubt, or any other negative things. She is in perfect health and a blissful joy that my mind cannot even fathom. Why in the world would I ever want her to be here in her earthly shell experiencing anything less than perfection. It's during those times that my heart swells with a happiness I didn't know was still possible. This happiness that Lori is experiencing pure joy.

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I don't think it makes us selfish, just human.  Of course we want them here with us, we miss them!  At the same time we're happy for them that they are in a great place and no longer have the struggles of this world that we still have to contend with.  I keep my eyes set on the someday that I'll be with him again.  Every day we're one day closer!

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For me, it is what keeps me going. That every day I manage to put behind me, is another day closer to that yearned for reunion .It is a long distance goal with a lot of pitfalls, loneliness, along the way. But the reward is so going to be worth it.

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2 hours ago, KayC said:

I don't think it makes us selfish, just human.  Of course we want them here with us, we miss them!  At the same time we're happy for them that they are in a great place and no longer have the struggles of this world that we still have to contend with.  I keep my eyes set on the someday that I'll be with him again.  Every day we're one day closer!

 

28 minutes ago, KMB said:

For me, it is what keeps me going. That every day I manage to put behind me, is another day closer to that yearned for reunion .It is a long distance goal with a lot of pitfalls, loneliness, along the way. But the reward is so going to be worth it.

I am right there with you. Every day I get to work, I cross off the day on the calendar(not something new I do. I did it while Lori was alive). When I cross it off I mumble to myself, "One day closer to Lori". I never knew if this act was morbid, unhealthy, strange, etc... I just knew that I had made it through another day and that meant I was closer to my eternity with her. 

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Eagle-96, Betty White is a true testament that life does go on when you lose your soulmate. She is a role model for those of us who choose not to date. My husband and I were custom made for each other. You, KayC, Francine, Andy and others I haven't mentioned feel the same (I think). Don't want to step on anyone's toes there. Betty White filled her empty void with acting and as an animal rights advocate. She'll be reunited with her beloved husband as her reward for giving and loving while on her journey.

I don't feel it is morbid or unhealthy, to think the way we do, when we think of as a day we get through as another day closer to our own crossing over. The other half of our soul went on and graduated to Heaven. The other half of our soul we carry still has lessons and life to experience before we can graduate, reunite with our other half and become whole for eternity.We all need to do, think, say, what we need to in order to get us through.

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I agree, KMB.   

Eagle, where is DFW?  I'm not familiar with that abbreviation...

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3 minutes ago, KayC said:

I agree, KMB.   

Eagle, where is DFW?  I'm not familiar with that abbreviation...

Dallas/Fort Worth. We call it DFW or the Metroplex here.

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