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      Hi all,  I'm sure you've noticed some changes in the forums. We've again had to do some updates, so that's why things may look a little different. Nothing major should have changed.  Also, we are going to start adding advertisements sensitive to our community on the boards. This is something we are experimenting with, and we will certainly make sure they are in the best interests of everyone. We want to make sure our forums continue to stay accessible and cost free to all of our members, and this is a way to ensure this.  If you have any questions or comments, please feel free to privately message me or email me at Konnie@beyondindigo.com.  As always, we will be here with you, ModKonnie
lonely1

In need of support, lost the Best part of my life

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KayC   

lonely1,

Try to stay in today and not think about "the rest of your life", that will bring you down fast!  Try to work on developing friendships, it takes time and effort but we all need that support so it's good to work on it so you're not isolated.  Getting involved with small groups helps you know others and work on developing relationships that you will need in the future. 

Francine's response is good advice.  

13 hours ago, Francine said:

there is something good in everyday.

It's important to look for that good so you don't miss it when it comes.  Practicing living in the present and fully appreciating what IS helps us not merely lament what ISN'T.  It's easy to see what we're missing but it takes effort to notice and focus on what good there is in our lives.

My faith was shaken to the core that first year but it's returned, I think that's common.  I think our whole brain is shaken to the core!

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Francine   

KayC

Thank you for that.  When we take the time and really focus on our lives, I think we will find something that is good.  I firmly believe in the saying that you can't see the forest for the trees; so I'm learning to take a step back and look at the bigger picture, and hope I have enough sense to take advantage of it.

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lonely1   

I agree that I need some friends.  Its extremely difficult to find someone though.  Everyone else has family, husband, kids, grands. They don't have the time nor the inclination to develop a new friendship.  Thats what makes this so hard.  Since I live out in the country in a very small town, its even more difficult.  I'm working on trying to figure out how to meet some people who might be in the same situation. 

Francine, I think my forest is too thick right now for me to see much of anything.

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KayC   

lonely1,

I also live in the country, the nearest town is 8 miles away and has 3200 people.  The nearest city is over an hour away.  There isn't a whole lot going on in this sleepy little town.  I figure if I just get close to ONE PERSON, that will be a start.  I am working on it, I've found that getting involved in small groups is a good place to start.  I've started a grief support group here, I'm involved in a bible study on Saturdays, a ladies group on Fridays, plus I have my church activities, and I also volunteer at the senior site Tuesdays and Thursdays.  Little by little I'm getting to know more people and slowly but surely developing friendships...it takes time and patience and persistence, but it's getting there, little by little.  Keep trying.

I think even in the forest of trees we see them, sometimes we have to take a step back and look with fresh perspective.  

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KMB   

lonely1, My life is very similar to KayC's as to living in the country. Except there is less resources available. I agree that making new friends is not easy. We have to put ourselves out  there. Maybe you can start with a local restaurant. Have yourself a cup of tea or coffee, a light meal or a piece of pie. Smile and try for a light chitchat. Become somewhat of a regular customer and people will take notice. A local library. Browse magazines or papers. I found out other lonely people seek out the library to take up some of the lonely hours. It can take a lot of effort but well worth it to even make 1 new friend. Hang in there, we have your back!  (HUGS)

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lonely1   

Why are the mornings the worst?  The power went off last night and I woke up to the sound of the tv on.  My husband used to keep the tv on all night, so it was so eerie when I woke up to the sound.  I guess it got me off to a really bad start this morning.  Its a hard weekend...1st holiday without him.  Everyone seems to have a family gathering to go to, so I'm sure I'll be attending my own little pity party here.  I hate this...it sucks.

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KayC   

KMB, I doubt there can be less resources available than none...and that's pretty much what this town has.  This is a poverty stricken town, the activity center hasn't been in use in years because it's literally falling down.  There are no grief counselors here.  The town didn't even have a doctor the last few years, merely a part time PA!  The nearest hospital is 1 1/4 hours away.  There's a volunteer fire dept. that I pay a fortune for on my property taxes, knowing there's zero help they'd ever do me any good...no fire hydrants and they take too long getting to you.  I've pretty much had to make my own way here, some things city people take for granted we have to do without or travel way too far to.  I don't drive at night and in the winter the roads are sometimes impassable so the commute is out.  Meals on Wheels is in danger of losing their funding with Trump's cuts, I don't know what will happen to the elderly shut ins here if that happens.  A lot of times it's the only outside contact they get and it's only twice a week, but it means the world to their existence.

lonely1, I know how hard it is...I have found the same to be true, my family all have their husbands to spend the weekend with and are off celebrating in their way.  Me, it's a day like any other.

 

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HHFaith   

Yes another very long weekend!  Trying hard to do something to make me "happy". We finally have some sun so I'm sitting on my patio in Pats beach chair with an iced coffee, my cat, and a new book. I'm not much of a reader but I just got "option B". Written by Sheryl Sandberg, COO at Facebook , after the sudden death of her husband. Good read so far.  I hope you all can find some enjoyment this weekend, whatever you're doing. 

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KMB   

KayC, The township I live in is similar. A tiny post office only open for a couple hours in the morning. A community center that does hold senior lunches 4 days a week to a handful of people. The township board meets there once a month and we go there to vote. One tiny church where the congregation is so small that the parking lot can maybe handle 10 vehicles if parked very closely together. That sums up where I live. Have to drive at least 20 to 30 miles for anything. This town was a lot bigger when my husband was growing up here. It boasted its own school,  another bigger church, 2 grocery stores and a cheese factory. Also, you can see the remnants of a ball field diamond that used to get regular use. All gone the way some smaller towns disappear. I would not trade the peace and serenity for anything else.

lonely1, KayC, HHFaith, There must be so many of us spending the holiday weekend alone. We'll get through it. We have survived thus far.

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KayC   

Our town was twice this size when I moved here but all of the jobs are gone, mills gone, most of the USFS gone, schools consolidated, very little in the way of stores or restaurants, we have to go twice as far as you to shop or see my doctor, makes it tough in the winter.  I literally was running out of food this winter at one point when the county didn't plow the roads and we couldn't go anywhere.

Church seems the hub here, even the taverns dried up!

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Francine   
On 5/26/2017 at 9:13 PM, lonely1 said:

Francine, I think my forest is too thick right now for me to see much of anything.

 
If you've ever been in a forest, you see all different trees; some are bent; other are straight; some are evergreens and some are whatever.  And when you look at them, you accept them.  You see why it is the way it is and you understand that it might not have gotten enough water or sunlight and it just turned out that way.  You don't get emotional about it, you accept it. You might even appreciate the tree.  All that to say is, see all your grieving and accept it.  Accept it for what it is; accept it as part of your heal process. Like the tree, appreciate it (as strange as that may be)  Your forest might be *thick* now, but the light will eventually come through and you'll be able to see everything.
 
Be Bless and may God keep you, keep us all, safe.

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